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Serial quitter   Introductions/Newcomers Nook

Started 11/7/19 by claire0331; 1340 views.

From: claire0331


Hi everyone! So I used to post on here a while back. This will be a little bit of word vomit so I apologize in advance. I have quit and relapsed several times since then.  I am so sick of this roller coaster of quitting and then relapsing, hating myself every time that I start up again and then having to gear up my mind again to quit. Why doesn’t it occur to me that I can just step off the roller coaster by just staying quit? I am rereading Allen Carr’s book for the millionth time.  I’ve watched the online seminar. I know that the physical withdrawal is nothing compared to the mental part. I hate being an addict but that is exactly what I am. I know the only way to be truly free is to quit and stay quit. These nasty cigarettes are doing absolutely nothing for me but bringing me down. When I do quit, I feel so good physically and mentally. And then something happens and those junkie thoughts sneak in and try to take over. I need to remember that to feel good again and stay that way that the only thing I need to concentrate on is not letting those thoughts in and never taking another puff. I refuse to give up quitting and I know I can make this stick. I refuse to take part in this tug of war, of wanting to smoke and hating it or not smoking and wishing I could. I just smoked my final cigarette. I refuse to mourn this addiction and commit to celebrating my freedom from this whole nasty business once and for all. I don’t want to be a smoker and the only way to not be a smoker is to NOT SMOKE. Not one on special occasions, not one when I am feeling angry,sad, stressed,etc., not on vacation, and definitely not in secret.  Not having just one more final cigarette. Not even if everyone in the room is smoking. I am well and truly done and I refuse to let smoking be a part of my life, because I am worth it. Being around for my family is worth it. Seeing my son grow up is worth it. Feeling good into old age is worth it.  Not smelling like an ashtray and worrying if others can smell me is worth it.  Not having a 4 inch tube of poison dominate my life is worth it.  I just can’t take this addiction any more. I refuse to bury my head in the sand or look at smoking with rose-colored glasses. It’s not who I want to be. I’m 40 years old and have been smoking off and on (more on than off, let’s be real) since I was 16. I never once thought that I would still be smoking at this age.  If I am going to change, then the time is now. I can’t keep telling myself tomorrow or next week, or after this or that event. I have to accept that I am never going to just wake up and just not want to smoke anymore unless I make that decision not to and stick with it come what may. I also know from past quits that it doesn’t have to be hard unless I let it. Like Allen says, why should not doing something that you don’t want to do anyhow be hard. The only time quitting has been hard for me is when I let those junkie thoughts in and delude myself into thinking that just one would be okay. It will never be okay. 

Whew! So for anyone who read this far, thank you! I needed to get that out and I know you all will understand. I hope and pray that we would all defeat this awful disease/addiction! 

Welcome back. Stick it out --. Get free -- stay stubborn in your battle and don't let anything or anyone sabotage your quit. Protect your quit like you would protect your children! This addiction will bring you to your knees at times but fight onward no matter what crappy stuff you will endure. I truly want to see you battle this wicked drug addiction!

"Quitting isn't for Sissies!" I quit poisoning myself Sept. 27, 2013


From: ModDee


claire0331 said:

And then something happens and those junkie thoughts sneak in and try to take over.

Congratulations on not giving up on yourself Claire.

Take all the "I don't want" and " I want" sentences in this post that you wrote and type them up as a list of bullet points or write them out, make several copies and keep the list in your purse, paste it around the house or in other strategic places where you will see them.  When the junky demon starts whispering to you about how good a cigarette would taste or how it will help get you through whatever, re-read your wants and don't wants and come to the forum, post for help before you light that " just one" cigarette.  Stay close to the forum and post support to others trying to fight the fight that you are.  I guarantee you will not smoke when you're telling someone else how important it is to hang in there.

You deserve to be free!



From: Deluz


I am with you! In the same boat but 44 years old.

We can do this!!!!

Thanks for your words, not vomit at all but truth!


From: SusanK1960


Hi Claire,

Good sound off!  Congratulations on your quest to quit!  All of us wish it was as easy to quit as it is to start up again, but we are all nicotine junkies and we have to work, not wish.  You can do this, anytime, and choosing now is great.


Brenda (1sept19)

From: Brenda (1sept19)



I sooooo understand and could have written your post.  I put off quitting for too long and now have emphysema.  Quit before this happens to you.  You are so right, the only way to quit smoking is just don't smoke.  The cigarette seems so precious to us when we quit, but once we smoke it's no longer precious and around and around we go.  Just don't smoke and take it one day at a time.  Pledge NOPE daily and hold yourself to that promise.  You can do this !!


From: MarkOU812


Hi Claire

Congratulations on righting the ship. 

A thought from the mind of Mark (could be scary)

I'm 54 and over that time I have quit doing a lot of things and for many reasons. That being said there are a lot of those things I "quit" that I would do again in a heartbeat. Smoking, however is not one of those things. Why? Because i never told myself i was quitting smoking (implying i was giving something up), i told myself I was getting rid of smoking. Implying i was taking out the 39 year old bag of trash.

I believe my mind believes what I tell it, even if I don't at the time. So in my rare moments of clarity and logic, I tell it what I want it to believe. Often times loudly and repeatedly. Lol

Just a thought, keep the faith 

10/13/2019 I stopped poisoning myself 



From: Denim50


Hey Claire, 

     I’m so happy you’ve returned! I remember when we were both starting out in the March 2018 thread. I know you’ve tried a few times since to quit. I’m sorry to hear that none of them stuck but it doesn’t mean this one can’t. You can do it and it’s so great to hear the determination in your post this time. Determination is definitely needed. The beginning is the hardest no matter how many times you begin again, so stay in the moment, take it day by day, a hour, or a minute at a time if necessary. Stay strong and stay determined. You can do this and we will be here cheering you on. Stay close, read, post, and join in. How are you doing today? When those thoughts of smoking hit try turning them around. It helps. I’ll put a couple of links to articles to help with that. I hope you’ll join the ‘November Ex-Smokers 2019’ thread. I also hope you’ll stop by the ‘March Warriors 2018’ thread again some time. :) Are you still enjoying camping? Would love to catch up. Anyway, I wish you strength and success with this quit I and I look forward to seeing you around the forum again. Have a great day.  





From: Douglas8845


It's not easy to quit but our choices are simple since there are only two options: we can smoke zero cigarettes or tens of thousands of the filthy things.  There is nothing in between.

I quit smoking over seven years ago and last August i was able to successfully donate a kidney to my younger brother.  He is now thriving after being on the brink of needing dialysis.

I did it.  So can you.



From: SusanK1960


Hi Douglas8845,

There is so much to be thankful for, and your post exemplifies that so much.

Wonderful that you have quit for 7 years and the fruits of that labor was being able to donate to your brother, which improved his life.

Thank you so much for telling your story.