G’mar chatima tovah, Ms X.

I hope you are with friends or loved ones. 
 

You will have to let me know how these Holidays have gone without smoking! How does smoking play into things too I’m curious. Is it something to atone for? 
 

Im on my way for a nasal assault. Feel fine, just sat in our small workroom all last Saturday and Sunday with my colleague doc friend who is now positive. So I have to test before I can work tomorrow. 
Been a while since I’ve been in this thread! Couldn’t remember the title of the other one we were in, so I guess this is as good a place to reconnect as any. 
More later! 
Have an easy feast.

Argh, I hope it come out negative! I had a very bad craving yesterday. I thought it was a good idea to watch '9/11A day in America' series and I wanted to smoke so badly. But I was very adult about it, we can't have everything we want, and besides, its just an addict brain conditioning trigger, it's not enjoyable to smoke at all, its just a nicotine hit, to feed the previous hit expiring.

No way was I going to poison myself.

xoxo

and thank you! 

G’mar chatima tovah to you too!

Yup. Negative. Now on my way in to work. Yippeee!

You are doing incredibly well with this quit, and have some great momentum going. I’m proud of you! 
Those out of the blue craves at this point can be hard, but, as you know, you have all the tools you need! Plus, you are stronger than you know. You must be feeling so much better at this point in Recovery. 
No poison needed! 

Yes. If I want to smoke I will. If I don't want to, I won't. I don't want to, so smoking cannot be an option.

There is no one to blame if I pick it up again but myself. Not my addict brain, not temptation, not anything.  Is it possible I will one day make the stupid mistake of 'Just having one'? that is always a possibility. That's why support is so important. It was hard the other evening, I admit, but we can't have what we want all the time, and I won't die from not having one. I just sat there and explained to myself why my brain was firing off , and repeated in my mind all the reasons why I really don't want to smoke, and eventually, it went away.

I feel good, yes. One day at a time :)

R.I.P. John

The rains the last couple of nights brought him down. What a run this guy had. 26 months. Ahhhh….so many secrets go with him. 
Turns out she had to cut the top off as he was draped across the sidewalk. So…lucky me. I have his crown. 70 inches. It is like hard dried wood, almost like drift wood really. I think I will make it my Christmas Tree this year! 

Oh. I will so miss my nightly walks to him. Will have to find another beacon I guess. 

Oh no! Sad to see/hear! Although, I do believe he lasted wayyy longer than most... right? Your Christmas Tree idea is neat! Am excited to see what that looks like :)

Whoa…….How strange to see him like that….Huge!!  A beacon of hope and for us, made a difference.  So cool to see the bloom last so long, meet the owner, the strength derived from this very outstanding plant.  A total blessing to have the top for a Christmas tree.  Wonder if it can be sprayed and preserved?  I am not a craft kinda girl but surely you can get some feedback.

This week begins our Fall with 80s in the day and 50s at night.  My swims under this Harvest Moon have been spectacular.  Sigh.  The wet suit will be worn next week probably.  Big bonfires starting this week if our winds stay low.  A friend is cutting down some dead trees so we will burn and then my brother and fam will also help this weekend.

I cannot help but wonder if a John seedling will appear…….I would not be surprised!!  Hi to Eliza!!  Hope you are well, girl!

Hugs,

Peggy

5-8-2020 Broken chains

Hey Lore, 

So sad to see, but it was there when you needed him, and now he served his purpose. Hugs to you…… you will always have your memories, and if somehow you can preserve him that will bring comfort to you. 
 

Hope you are well!

Ohhh, He is in heaven now.