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First 10 days review   General Chit-Chat

Started 5/6/20 by Musivore; 44667 views.
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jun-14

Ahhh...my dear Peggy...

I am so happy to hear from you, and you have completely made my day. First and out of the way, yes, I am still smoke free. I’m not sure how much more I want to analyze that several hours, but, I do agree with you there was likely the addict voice involved in that somehow, though it still is not apparent the play that was made. I would like to blame that little piece for sure! But it was such a detached day for my wiser self really, in a good way. I felt present and cognizant of pretty much everything and not panicked or angsty at all. So, perhaps, the enemy, as you call it, has a slyness that yet escapes my grasp and cognition. If that is the case, it won’t hide forever. 
Perhaps just Seattle in and of itself as a trigger and I reached for what I reached for when I lived there...smokes. I did feel a conscious “I’m gonna stop and get these and carry on” kind of thing with very little thought or feeling in addition other than an awareness of I knew it would be temporary. Who knows. Perhaps the addict part needed some closure. 
So...I’m gonna let it rest a bit and see what declares itself.

I think it is wonderful that you have your awareness and acceptance of your sensitivity. What a blessing, and yes, a curse, yes? And the beauty that emanates in you is a ray of sunshine from there to Portland for me. I am sad that you were told you were too sensitive. Not sure how comfortable you are with me expounding on that, so will hold back. I will ask though, do you think that smoking became a way to mask that? I have been reading about what is called Highly Sensitive People, as my daughter is one. I am close, but not quite.  There is actually quite a lot of research in that area lately. It previously is something that the Psychology world did not understand well initially. Now, my dear, it is increasingly recognized as gifted for a variety of reasons. One big one is the ability of intuition and capacity for empathy. Anyway...I do recognize the need for you to have space and peace and lower levels of external stimulation and noise in all of it’s forms, not just the audible. 
I have a need, an absolute and outright need, for a few hours each day of literal isolation from people. If my morning doesn’t start with it for the first hour I am not a good person to be around. So, I make it happen. Every single day. I also need this at night after dark. I wait for the dark and it is what always feels like a most welcoming part of the day, like I know I get to “come home” to myself and just be quiet with me. Usually I walk, and more so now than ever with not smoking and I love it. Now, don’t go thinking I am a vampire or something and have an aversion to sunshine as I love love love that too. Problem is...I don’t want to miss any of it.

Anyway..point is...I remain envious of where you live, out in the country. It sounds like it is the perfect place for you and I am happy you have that solace.

Gonna walk off now actually....I am very much wanting to hear more about the lovely, simple, admirable and honest things that are your medicine. 
Thank you for your sweet and loving acceptance Peggy. It makes me feel good for you to tell me I’m worth the fight. I’ll keep it up for sure. 
Know too that you help others and make a big difference too. I will be thinking about you.
 

DebraAnne60

From: DebraAnne60

Jun-14

so, in plain simple english, you smoked your brains out the other day

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jun-14

Yes, after 8 cigarettes, that day is a wash.

DebraAnne60

From: DebraAnne60

Jun-14

So do you just discount that one day or do you restart your quit?

SusanK1960

From: SusanK1960

Jun-14

Hi Lori,

I look at it this way, a slip is a brief return to an old behavior. Don’t think of a slip as a failure.  It is not the number of cigs smoked, but rather the mindset. As there is no further communication that you have chosen to continue smoking, I would say you are not the first one with a slip, nor will you be the last.  Hopefully, the slip only confirmed your commitment to quitting.  We are here to support you, without judgement, as only you will face the benefits or consequences of your choices.

Msg 5840.123 deleted
In reply toRe: msg 122
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jun-15

Hi Susan,

Thank you for your accepting and supportive reply. 
It’s funny...I am a person who has NO social media, and this is the first time I have ever become involved with any type of online forum. I much prefer interactions face to face, even in a world where that is becoming increasingly obsolete. The funny part is...I feel your love and support (and that of many others) quite well. Perhaps not enough to move me to open a FB account (LOL) but it is felt and appreciated.

I would love to be able to satisfy folks with what could suffice as a meaningful writing of shame for having smoked for a day, but I am not that person. I adore and cherish all of our differences and I think there is plenty I have written on here that hopefully supports that regardless of how one presents their “confession “. I would also like to report a meaningful analytical message of why I chose to smoke for a day, but, I still don’t fully know that answer.  At this point, I also don’t care. It was a very different space for sure. As I said, not a conscious crave/cave episode. Obviously, the addict voice was involved. For me...I will let it go as yes, that part is still there and I need to be mindful of the way it may surface. 
No, I have not chosen to continue smoking. No, I don’t recommend anyone tempt themselves to do so. I did ask myself how do I look at it as far as “starting over my count” as I did have more than one. I’m gonna go with the arbitrary nature of our society, subtract a day, and just celebrate the next calendar day. Sort of like, say, moving a major convention a day later, and calling it good, yes? I use this analogy as to me, frankly, it is funny, and we live in a world where if you can’t find some humor around you you’re gonna be in some deep doo-doo funk all the time and I’ve never chosen that. But I also use it as I find deep meaning and value in moving the day...
 

Thank you again...Susan, you are...solid in so many many ways. And wise.

CC to SusanK1960
slowblumer

From: slowblumer

Jun-15

Hey Lore,

You had a slip.  So glad you got back to your quit.  The only danger with a slip is that it can fuel the desire for 'one more' and be a 'slippery slope' .  Keep at it -you are doing fantastic in your quit..  

euknight

From: euknight

Jun-15

Hi Lore,

Hoping your day went well and you are feeling strong.  If you are still unsteady we can be strong for you.  Totally hear ya on the analyzing....can be taxing. Write or copy and paste ur stuff from here so you have a record.  Further down the line the revelation may come.  Who knows maybe journeying into heightened awareness may need to go away awhile.  Thinking too much.

I thought I was organized on those notes but doesn’t look like it. Lol. Yes, ma’am this enemy is sly and I am sick of it hanging around.  Am so ready for this death of receptors I am reading about.  Trying to picture the little booger’s dying off.  Thought replacement.  I definitely fill my mind with uplifting words, images and am around positive people.  Sleeping way more than before.

Coming  in from the dentist I chased a little roadrunner all the way down the drive. He kept running, running and would not fly off so I slowed down.  Said hi to him like I do all my animals tame and wild.  Lol, yes I do.  My friend in FLA and her son love to remind me of the time I was talking to a pelican...

That book about highly sensitive people sounds great.  Have heard of it.  Praise God I am not like when I was younger.  My poor mama did not get me at all.  Of course you have some of that, I can tell.  Certain vocations require it for sure.  At the same time for sanity, one has to be able to separate, don’t you think? Someday your daughter will appreciate this gift.  She will.

So just as we know we can separate from strong emotion on the job, maybe we can apply this to the quit.  Acknowledge the crave and that’s about it. Walk away.  Look at something that makes you happy right then and there!

Laughed about the vampire comment.  I love the dead of night too.  I need a lot of alone time.  It is when I refuel.  Very glad you recognize and take action on that.

It is about time for luscious laps...so healing for me.  The feel of the water washes away all the gunk in my brain.  Will refill the pups pool and hope they will play in it.  I know they want to walk but I have much tractor work to do first.  I am letting the wildflowers really go to seed.  Kind of a mangy time of year for the pastures but oh well....

Let us know how it is going

A smoke free evening and blessings to you,

Peggy

5-8-20

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