To us! I'm happy to wear out my time with you. I think that smoking suppressed some of my creativity. My photography has greatly improved. I kind of think that I'm more in the moment now. Like you, I love music and reading. I have been reading the Canterbury tales--i love classic literature. Suddenly I feel like I have much more time on my hands and am more motivated to keep myself busy. I'm more engaged with how I feel. This is such a weird thing to go through. It's empowering in a weird sort of way. I'm not really sure how to describe it other than I'm learning more about how I think about things, how I see things. I think I might be getting to know myself in a different sort of way. How can smoking change my perspectives and behaviors in such a way?

I have a lot of thoughts on that. The simple answer for me is that the nicotine level drops, the addict wants a fix, so the rest of our mind kind of tunes out and goes into seeking mode to satisfy the kicking screaming teenager?? So...as we start to tune that part out more when we quit, or whatever method we use to quiet it, we are more aware of the other parts of our minds that we largely ignored before because everyone knows it is pretty darn hard to ignore a kicking screaming teenager, right?!

Yeah...smoking suppresses lots of stuff. Not just nicotine cravings. 

Man...I just wrote this huge reply that I actually ended up apologizing at the end for the length of it and hit post and instead of posting it POOFED and is gone! Argh. What ever. I’m off to walk now as the sun sets, (Vampire!) so am not gonna try to recreate it. Will see if it is here tomorrow and if not, will see if I can remember what I wrote and try again. Who knows. Maybe it is somewhere else! 

Mmmm. All creatures are amazing to me. Seriously? There really hasn’t been one I’ve encountered that doesn’t fascinate me and set my mind off on some trajectory or another. Yup. Even those tremendous cock roaches that are in the South when I lived there, you know the 3 inch long ones that fly? Not that I’d want one on me, but they certainly don’t mortify me or gross me out. Not like some people do! Lol! 
Somewhere along the line, my daughter has developed this irrational fear of spiders. I’ve not told her, but I find it disheartening and sad. Hope she grows out of it. I usually just let them be if they are in the house but now I have to catch them and put the, out when she is here. 

So, yes...the SE coastal beaches, particularly the barrier islands, are pretty amazing. I used to camp a lot by myself. Went to a place once off the coast of Georgia called Cumberland Island. I missed the Ferry, but there was a guy with a boat that did private runs out for cheap so I did that. Oh man. Most memorable boat ride in my life. These Dolphins swam along side, frolicking and chattering. Those adorable perpetual smiles they seem to have. I knew then it was gonna be a memorable trip. There is some structure there, famous in it’s own way, but mostly the island is actually National Wildlife Refuge. The camp sites are 100% primitive, a long hike in, and very far apart. You have to walk a bit to get water and it is not what most people can get past their nose to drink. But...ahhh...the beach. Nothing like it. All refuge and protected sea turtle nesting site. To walk along there at night, along that white sand...knowing what is just out there in the water. That whole wondrous and thriving and near celestial part of the planet. My mind and heart could just wander for hours even now thinking about it and remembering those nights I spent there.... I’d give about anything to go back Right. Now. 
At night I got out of my tent and had my little head lamp on and there on the ground were thousands of these tiny tiny spots of iridescent green lights. Almost the color of fireflies, but so tiny. And all over the ground. Not hovering and floating. So I got down on all 4s to see if I could figure out what they were as they moved. You won’t believe this, but, they were the reflections of thousand of tiny spider’s eyes in my head lamp! Well, of course I ended up afraid to move because they were everywhere and then all I could think about was how my moving and stepping was inevitably going to...yes...squish some. I felt in that moment so very out of place and invasive. It hurt my heart. They were so precious, and who knows what role they have in that fragile ecosystem. 
Yeah. There is some amazing stuff to notice. 
I could see the Northern Lights where I grew up. Not as spectacular as they are from other places certainly, but still, with an otherworldly air and presence enough to make me know it isn’t all about us humans. Hmmm.

So...sorry so long. Will write about this Kombucha soon. Yes! The effervescence is unlike other drinks for sure! So glad you noticed that!!! That SCOBY is a living thing and that special process makes the bubbles different and exceptionally peculiar, yes? None of that CO2 cartridge BS in my drinks! It is just about being patient and letting the process roll. 
I did learn that cigarette smoke is BAD for SCOBYs. Yeah...how about that. Read about it today. Added it to my list of reasons to stay quit! 

Good Morning Lore..

Laughed about you accidentally nuking your post....just like I did on your PM the other day.  Lol.  Great minds.

Before I forget I must mention the tarantulas you mentioned in the desert when you were laying on the car hood watching stars in the desert!!  So wild you mentioned them because I have one living in a back flower bed.  He came out a few weeks ago so I have been trying not to disturb him.  This is only the 3rd one I have seen out here in like 24 years?  Anyway I figure they were here first.....

ok your SPIDER EYES story on the beach bordered on a syfy  film ( of which is another of my addictions btw). What a visual of speaks of day glo green eyes looking at you!!!  Whoa.  Do you think it was the light of the moon or the headlamp that caused that?  Did you look them up?  All looking up at you alone at the beach!!  Very Twilight Zone!  Wonder what those little eyes were saying other than don’t squish us?  Eerie.

I loved camping but never on the beach.  Can’t stand sand on me.  I’m the kind of person who races around and doesn’t even know when I’m bruised or cut but then can’t stand the feel of grainy sand.  Weird.

Ohhhhhhh you could see the Northern lights growing up???  Toooooooo amazing.  Sigh.  Ok the explanation about SCOBY makes sense. The fizz felt so different because it is ALIVE.  That’s almost kind of freaky........ but so true.

Had a very relaxing glide through soft water swim last night.  Totally in a zone at sunset.  Been recuperating from major wind storms for 3 nights. 40mph winds, enough rain to half fill up dry pond (dog swimming pool...(.they won’t play in their plastic one), picking up brush, cleaning pool, recovering from tooth breaking!!  Now I know where the pain was coming from last few weeks.  So been kind of crazy around here!!!

Happy 4 months my sweet girl....put you on the milestones.  Will PM soon

Have a blessed smoke free day!

Peggy

5-8-20

Thank you Peggy!

Yeah...thin thread some days, but getting there. 
You broke a tooth? Bummer! Can you go to the Dentist there yet?

So...yes...those Eyes were kind of Sci-fi! That was back in like 2000. Wow. Where are these years going, yes? So now though if you look on Google, there are some articles about it, which is what made me think they are everywhere...? I think even some videos! Check it out. Just search “spider eyes night”. Or be brave and get a head lamp and go find that Tarantula! Lol! Maybe not. Those guys are big. Had Black Widows on the Rez. One lived in the corner in the basement where I did my laundry. That was a bit creepy. I was always very watchful and careful. Had some guy that got bit by one when I was in the Army in Georgia. He ended up fine but did get sick. We have Hobo Spiders here in this part of Oregon but that’s about it. Some people confuse them with Brown Recluse, but they are not. No poisonous snakes here either on this side of the Cascades. 

No beach camping?? I get it, sand is...gritty. But the trade off. Mmmm. I’ll camp anywhere. Love it. About time to put a tent up in my back yard soon. Portland can get pretty hot this time of year and very few people have AC. Or window screens either. Old houses. Mine was built in 1928. So it cools off nice outside at night, but the house is so hot inside at night, I just go outside and sleep. 
Been thinking about getting another bike. Had a nice one when I met my daughter’s dad. Still have all my leather and a good helmet. He was kind of freaked out about it, so after we were together about a year I sold it. Funny how some of the things that attract someone to someone end up being a bone of contention... We’ll see. So much more traffic now it might be too stressful. My partner now isn’t thrilled about it but also knows if I want to I will. He has never even owned a car, hates driving. Has his bicycle or walks everywhere. I worry about that too, so...He is just really happy I don’t smoke anymore so maybe that is a bargaining point for a motorcycle! Ha! 
 Glad the winds didn’t damage much. Do you have lots of trees? Not sure what part you’re in. Texas is a HUGE state. I lived in San Antonio for about 4 months but that is the only place I’ve been there. Fire Ants there! Ack! Not. Fun.

Thanks for the remembrance! One third to a year. Does feel good, and feels good to not smell it on me. Not sure why I smoked as never could stand to be indoors or in a car or smell it on me. But did it anyway. Huh. Makes no sense. 

Ok Lovely Lady!!!

Enjoy the night. Gonna finish some work stuff and go check on the Agave. Feel some music is in order tonight. I’ll send a pic of my Kombucha in a while. Very Alien looking that Scoby. Will keep me out of trouble to do this, for a while anyway. Am also making Jun which is basically Kombucha that is made with raw honey and green tea. Might need to get a bee hive....you got room for that!!! Do it!
 

Hey Lore....

scrolled thru general chitchat many times looking for this note!!

Yes I got to the dentist before it broke off.  She didn’t see it.  Have a cleaning Monday so maybe she can look at it.  Then again they may be in shut down again.

Texas has mandated state wide wearing of masks indoor and outdoor if you can’t b 6 ft apart as of today.  Called off a bunch of stuff again.  I lose track. You are my hero.

What kind of bike did you have before?  Love that you have your leathers.  My ex left his chaps rolled up here.  Really nice.  You are so right about what may originally attract can end up ugly.  Especially if it wasn’t true to begin with!!!,

If traffic is bad I wouldn’t want you on a bike....like you say we want to do nothing that increases stress!!  A bike could be a stress reducer when you just have the wind in your face.  Nice.  Now rain on the other hand.....ROCKS; so forget that.  I have not had my own bike.  The Mule suffices for my off road escapes.

1928....wow.....what memories must be in that house!!!  Tent sleeping?  Can’t blame you.  I think I would go for a single room air conditioner!!  Of course, that is a staple here.  You lived in San Antonio, you prob know that.  Some medical personnel were staying in tents at their homes to stay separated from their families at the beginning of Covid.

So far so good on black widow bites.  I can’t believe you knew where that one was on the Rez and just stayed away.  Afraid his family would come get you if you squished him?  A lot of spiders here....and trees, yes. No way I could clean up all the downed trees from storms past!,  I have had several scorpion bites.  Last one I had an allergic reaction...mouth/tongue swelled up.  Weird cos that had not happened before.  I must goggle those spider eyes.....

Were you in San Antonio for training?  A lot of bases there.  Love that town and the love of my life lives there.  Traffic has gotten insane there.  It is a little hotter there though.....no thank you, is plenty hot here and at least we get occasional snows.....which I LOVE.  Yes mam fire ants not fun.  Would love to raise bees but that’s one more thing if you get my meaning.  We need more bee keepers so bad.  Our populations have gone down drastically.  Also these deformed looking African or Mexican bees have come up and messed with the populations, killed them etc.

I am really in the mood for that Kombucha fizz !!!!  Will have to get over it because I am not going anywhere!!,  Going to go finish coffee and pretend it’s Kombucha.

Be well on this smoke free day!!!,

Peggy

5-8-20

Oh Peggy!!!

Man, this place is a godsend. Yesterday lovely Ana in Portugal jumps in and saves my falling Spirit; lifts it right from the edge I was standing on, holds me in her gentle hands and gives that little nudge to help me soar off again and manage to get set some things done around here. I wasn’t about to smoke, but I was about to crawl into the deepest darkest hole and scream for a bit. Now...today...here you are! It is as if the fates are watching, and oh yes, they are wise. They’ve seen me stumble before, and this, for this smoking business anyway, they are on my side and guiding this path this time. Now for other things, yes, I still struggle against them....It’s all for naught of course as their deft fingers have long ago written their plans.
Do I really believe this? Maybe. At times. Mostly I believe there is a reason to this journey of life we are all on and that mostly none of us know the true depth and meaning of what it is. What we do know, or should know, is that we are meant to walk softly and listen to the little things along the way and keep our eyes open for opportunities to ease each other’s and that of all creatures way. Hence...here you are! You are one who listens to the the wind. And what a blessing to my morning, so thank you. 

I also believe the majority of the meaning is that it is a gift. Nothing more, nothing less. It is to be embraced and cherished and lived exuberantly and fully and most importantly...kindly and lovingly to ourselves and others...and yes, again, all creatures. Including spiders! This likely leads folks to ask, as I’ve asked myself many times, why did I waste so much of it smoking!? Well, there are many answers to that, yes? Mostly because I wasn’t listening perhaps... I mean, I do recall my body telling me that with the first willful drag...I coughed and sputtered and it hurt. So...here I am, and all the rest of us are who’ve finally taken notice and are now trying to rewrite the hardwire in our brains. Hmmm. How the heck did I get here writing this natter? Oh...haven’t finished my coffee yet! Lol.

I had a 1986 Suzuki Intruder. Man. It.Was.Hot. Of course what I really wanted was a Sportster but I didn’t have money for that. There aren’t a lot of bikes that fit me. I’m 5’1 if I stretch and weigh about 126 now. Then I was 122, so needed a bike that I felt I could handle. Now...I’d likely find a Triumph to fit me if I were to get another. This is probably not gonna happen these days unless I move somewhere less crowded...like perhaps, say, Ireland or New Zealand. But that’s another conversation for another time! It is most definitely on the to do list though...some day. Maybe Spain? I have friends that moved to Spain a few years ago. They keep telling me I should come there. I have a friend in Mozambique too who thinks I should come there. Still though, Ireland has been my dream for a very long time. The PNW weather is most on par with that part of the world too so I think I could handle it. New Zealand is a very close runner up. 
Scorpion bites! Yowza! I’ve heard those hurt quite badly. Do they? You should have an Epi Pen my dear. If that reaction happened once, it could be worse next time and I am assuming if you’ve been bitten a few times they are a common creature where you are. Anyway. Please get one if you don’t already have it. 
Yes...I was in San Antonio for training so can’t say I got to see a lot of it. Some though. And I did have experiences with Fire Ants which were not pleasant at all. Had those in Georgia too. Wow...the more I think about all of this, apart from the racism, Portland is actually a pretty benign place! Even that is a lower level here than lots of other places, but, again, another conversation and one that always makes me want to smoke.

I think about this house and the stories it could tell. We are, surprisingly, only the 3rd owners. Seems it is a space that folks set down roots. Which is maybe good? Pat likes that idea and never intends to leave. He is willing to hold the fort whilst I adventure around though. This is a guy who has had a plot in one of Portland’s Pioneer Cemeteries since before I knew him. So, yeah...we’ve gone and sat on his future resting place many times. It is where I first smoked in front of him actually. All he said was “hope you’re not always gonna put cigarettes out on my grave “. Ha! He does have a wonderful sense of humor. Not sure why he is so convinced that he will go before me, but he is. 
I got the tent out, but haven’t slept in it yet. Has been cooling off so much at night here. Still...I’m about to add the current weather to the list of this year’s odd happenings! Should have been much hotter by now...

Kombucha fizz is so special! I just love it’s soft feel. So, pop, or soda depending where you live, that you get from the store has been CO2 infused and the bubbles are much bigger and are uniform. Kombucha bubbles are a by-product of the process of the living organisms doing their lovely fermentation thing. Hmmm. Just had a thought. The base is always Tea. Black tea has to be a part of it, though you can mix with green tea. I wonder if Kombucha is considered blasphemous among our serious tea drinking friends? Fermented tea. Hopefully they don’t think it is. Kombucha has been around a very long time, so likely not. 
Im also making Jun (rhymes with fun) Kombucha which is strictly Green Tea and you have to use raw honey. Now...this is considered the Champagne of Kombucha because the bubbles are very much like that. Anyway...it thrills me that you think about and like Kombucha fizz!!! Ahhh...the small things in life. I didn’t start drinking it till I quit smoking so it isn’t a trigger for me like my coffee can occasionally be. Not much anymore, but once in a while. 
Just realized this is a novella, so will finish my coffee and let you get about your day. I think maybe you are an hour or two ahead of me? Hopefully you have clear skies tonight. That Moon is a beauty! Nearly full. I love that I can go out at night and think of friends and loved ones far away and know if they look up they will see the same familiar and grounding light. It is my habit to blow a kiss on the directions and at the Moon nightly, off to those I love. Well, now you and whoever has read this knows a secret...don’t think I’ve ever told anyone that before. My daughter has seen me do it, so she knows. Don’t think Pat does though. I  have always kept it my private thing when we have been off camping. I should tell him. 
Yes...google the spider eyes and check back in!

Thanks for making the start of my day so very bright! You are almost two whole months!! Woohoo!