https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk7RVw3I8eg

Well, Eve, for whatever reason...what you wrote made me think of this. If you’ve never heard this version of this old S&G song you should listen. The vocal inflections....man. Haunting in such a beautiful and moving way.

The only thing wrong with all these songs in my head is they are not long enough. I can totally turn one on and forget about wanting a cigarette as it will take my thoughts elsewhere and then...bam...song over, still want to smoke. 

More later on that thought Eve, but yes. And I do think it is the main reason I miss smoking. Seems like I thought less. Kind of like how Peggy said she can’t get into “Comfortably Numb” anymore.

This doesn’t make much sense but I just woke up again. Can’t seem to stay awake today. Just wake up, listen to a song or two and then realize I’m waking up again. Ugh! 
So I think I’m gonna walk and wake myself up since it is like 3:30pm!! 
Heeelp! Why can’t I stay awake??? 

Lore,

Am totally with you.  Slept all day.  Could Not wake up.  Really good sleep tho with Tab all stretched out here.

Have to get out and finish treating pool later.  Hope it is ready for the next doses. Not til just before sunset tho and will mow a bit.  Could go back to sleep.....Lol.  

How was work?  

Man...I can not motivate today! 
Work is....so stressful and busy. But now I got some days off. Had this big plan for a hike today and just can’t get out the door. I think I might actually go lay down again! Go later. I like walking so much better just before dark anyway. Less people out and I find I can focus more on the little things and not be as distracted. 
So Tab is your kitty? No...I’m thinking of “Tabby” as in cat. Your dogs are Jackson and Tab...

Im so glad you validated the sleep thing a few posts ago. But it is summer and I feel so guilty sleeping during the day! Must need it today, huh? 

Lore,

Yes my Shepherd is Tabitha who I call Tab or Tab Tab.  Yeah I know tabby kitty.....my ex named her and I wanted to name her Hannah but it’s ok.  She is so beautiful and loyal and loving.  Stickers (burrs) are so bad this time of year and her coat is perfect for hanging on to them.  They slide off Jackson.  That’s all I do is pick them off her, the towel, the blanket.  Lol.  Good distraction!!  Lol.  One of my friends took up knitting crochet when she quit for a distraction.  My neighbor gave me a huge sack of yarn and stuff.  They make cool stuff.  I am more of the prune trees type.  Lol.  But stickers will do for the time being.

I am like you....prefer the evening hours!!   So don’t feel guilty about sleeping during the day.  Many Texans do that cos of the heat.  A friend calls it the siesta sleep schedule!!!  It’s all good.  Consider it a huge blessing you can because of the high stress job, my sweet.

Going to watch a  2nd service.  Dogs fed.  Coffee started.  Do you take creamer?  I like Italian cream.  Let me pour you a cup

Hugs

Oh yes, a good strong cup please! I love French or Italian Roast, so good and dark...like my walking hours! Yes, I do take Half&Half. Love my cream. Mmmm! Actually only eat whole milk products, like yogurt. None of that fake “low fat high chemicals instead” stuff. Yuck. So bad for you. Maybe not as bad as smoking, but, also tastes and feels gross. 
So, we had a small dairy farm when I was a younger child. We would put the milk in the pasteurizer every evening after milking and then put it in the fridge before bed. Well...if you’ve never had home pasteurized milk, I’m telling you sista...you are missing OUT! All the cream is at the top in the morning. So...me and a couple of my sibs, whoever was up first, would go down and sneak the milk out and scoop the cream off the top and eat it straight away. MmmMm! Delicious and sweet...the sweetest and creamiest thing I think I’ve had to this day. Could actually taste a very very slight bit of alfalfa that the cows had eaten. Heaven. Till my Dad got up. Uh-oh. If there was one thing my Dad hated it was what he called “blue milk”. That is milk that does not have the cream stirred back in. So, essentially it is skim or fat free, like what you get at the store, and yes, it does look a bit pale blue, yes? We’d be long scattered by then but would hear this booming voice..”you kids had better not leave me this blue milk again!!!” Yeah...Dad was funny. That’s all he did. So, naturally next day it would happen all over again! Lol. Maybe that’s why he lived to 95 in spite of his smoking. Didn’t get too riled and always had skimmed milk! Ha! 
So...these days...yes. I drink milk with every meal even though not smoking anymore. Of course it is store bought and occasionally 2% if Pat is having a thing about it. He likes whole better but worries about too much “fat and cholesterol “. Ha. He is like 6’3” and weighs about 180, so very lanky and does not need to worry about this, of course. It always those ones that do, yes? Harrumph. Anyway...our home pasteurized milk is still top of my list. The store bought stuff is all homogenized so you don’t get settled cream even with whole milk. But! Whole milk yogurt often has a cream top! Yummm! 
Ok...yes...just woke up and have only gotten a half cup of Joe in, and just “smoked” my first cigarette in form of nattering... Ahhh...Happy Sunday!! 
It is bottling day for my Kombucha!! So, more nattering likely later on!
 

Oh...forgot to fit in there...my cousins had a farm down the road a piece and my Uncle died when I was 2 from drinking unpasteurized milk... yup. He got Bovine Tuberculosis from it and died. So that is why my Dad started to pasteurize ours. It was his brother. That is a pretty rare thing nowadays cause of all the antibiotics and crap that the mass produced farms use, but back then, small time farm, it happened.

Well...Kombucha not bottled yet. It tasted too sweet still so am gonna give it a couple few more days of first ferment. I was able to get to the brewery store today and pick up some really nice swing top bottles, so am happy about that. 
And, Peggy dear, I have managed to stay awake all day! Of course I didn’t get up till near 10. By the way...That cup of Joe has not arrived yet...? Lol. Had my first piano lesson since the start of pandemic and that seems to have lifted my spirits tremendously. One because my piano teacher and his husband are very dear friends of mine, and now Pat’s too. Before Covid hit we would get together usually once a month for dinner or games or just to hang out. Today was a bit of a trigger though as last time I had a lesson we were still going out to have a smoke after. So, today I went and just hung out while he smoked. It was hard for about 2 minutes then I realized how bad it smelled and his husband and I chided him about it a bit. It’s interesting as he has this amazing and very captivating voice and one would not think he is a smoker at all. So...I survived and didn’t cave. Yay! 
Also, Peggy...have been thinking about you since. I am starting on learning to play the R.E.M. song “Nightswimming” and it just made think about you going for your swims nightly and how mesmerizing that likely is this time of year with the heat you have. Of course that song...is so lyrically moving and beautiful and emotionally resonant on many levels for me. It just gets me lost and so thoughtful and reminiscent...entwined in so many memories and just totally captured within it. Another one that I could, and sometimes do just put on repeat for 15-20 minutes while walking. Mmmm. I do think to really escape in this song it is helpful to have gone night swimming at some point in one’s life..? Maybe not, but since this is something I used to do on those hot, humid and sometimes almost mystical depending who I was with, July and August Michigan nights... yeah...these things live on inside of us, yes? Not unlike how many songs do. So many songs bring back that feeling of naivety or innocence and spontaneity and just plain feeling of being alive. Or in love. Or free. Or wandering. Or the feeling of the moon on my face and the breeze on my skin...Or feeling like you could just move forever. Man. 
So yeah...didn’t smoke...learning a new song...got to see loved ones...such a good and fulfilling day. Just wearing time out now and waiting for it to be walk time. Going to the Coast tomorrow. That will be good too. The ocean always has a way of healing and rejuvenating my soul. I do think I might stay out there for the night and perhaps a little night swimming will be good. That water is pretty cold this far north though so you can’t stay in there too long without a wetsuit even this time of year. Bummer to have wear it, but I will. Anyway...listen to that song before you swim tonight if you get this. I’m sure you’ll like it if you don’t already....So so lovely. 

Lore

Just listened to that YouTube song link...The Sound of Silence. Beats S&G in my opinion.

O my that guy can sing !!!!!”  On top of that he is hot. What a range.  Listened to Down with the Sickness Germany concert from 2008. (His band I guess Disturbed) Now that use to be my preferred beat.  That guy is too good for that song.  Ironic song looking at what we are up against today.  Those concerts.......am grateful I have frequented many of those big ole outdoor concerts.  May be a thing on the past. Hmmmmmm

I got up early for errands.  Finally sent back some clothes, got inspection sticker...due last April.  Called Dr.s and Pool store.  Need to go there Wed. Made pasta salad and muffins for tribe tomorrow.  Surprised I got everything done I was gonna do!!

 Yeah!!  Had some whining craves yesterday.  Really nauseating little buggers. . A real irritant, so slowly changing schedule around again cos I won’t stop eating at night!!!  Don’t even know what I was thinking about...need to start writing that down again!   Get stuff done early and swim in AM instead of night? Don’t know how that is gonna work.  Sleeping all day I snack all night....weight went up from last week....grrrrrrr....despite increase in laps.   Not thrilled.

 Are you going to the beach?  Donned in wet suit?  I bet it is spectacular!!!

Probably a good time to go!!  Have you been since you quit?

One of the tribe had a coworker test positive so everyone that worked the shift she had symptoms at has to get tested, go home for 2 weeks.  She did not work that shift but has no idea what they all will have to do.  Big store.  Hobby Lobby.  Do y’all have those?

Was mesmerized by your dairy farm experience.  Another chapter in your book.......

Have a beautiful smoke free day!!  Yay, you are off!!

Peggy

5-8-20

Oh Peggy...this was the most glorious of days.... Definitely filling the soul. Hunkering down here for the night and just turned my phone on for first time since I left this morning to call Pat and let him know I’m ok. Took this just before I called him. Mmmmmm. 
First time to this spot since I quit. Snuck out to the coast a couple months ago for the day to different place. This here is my favorite. Haven’t thought about it all day till now. I really used to enjoy one when sleeping outside. Not tonight. Got gum now. 
Will write more tomorrow.... phone going off again now. 

Absolutely gorgeous......

Oh, it was so beautiful. 
Home now. Am gonna be sore! I welcome that as it lets me know I did something to stretch my body some. I definitely noticed better breathing and more stamina on this hike I did. Also...I know you don’t like sand, but let me tell you...there is nothing like walking in sand for a couple of hours to soften the feet! 

So...yeah. I’m glad that cream story made you laugh. I think people underestimate sometimes the “baby” of the family and what they take in and learn. I definitely ended up the more adventurous one of the bunch. I often wonder if that is because by the time I became more of age my folks were worn out from riding herd on all of my older sibs! All I can say is one would have to be absolutely nuts to have 8 kids nowadays. This one you can maybe relate to...can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve been asked if my family is Catholic. That’s when I tell people how my Mom used to tell me “If they’d of had the pill in my day you all wouldn’t be here!”. She didn’t start saying that till I was like 20, and it just cracked me up! 
I do wish she and my Dad would have been upset when I started smoking. They didn’t say much really. Maybe cause my dad smoked? My other 2 sibs who smoked started when they were like 18 and both gave it up in their 30’s. I think there is definitely something to starting as a teen that forms some connections in our brains that makes it hard to undo. But, I don’t know many people that started in their 20’s or 30’s so I guess big tobacco is on to something to target youth. Young prey, easy targets....
Anyway...You’re funny...another chapter in my book. I don’t see me writing one really. When you mentioned coffee and cream, it prompted that memory. Have tons of associations and memories, as we all do, but I can’t sit down and bring them into a coherent storyline. They just pop up here and there. Kind of like the nauseating craves you mentioned! I wouldn’t be too worried Peggy about a few pounds when you quit. I think that is much better than to continue smoking and in the long run way less detrimental to your health. It will come back off. Cut carbs like starch stuff. My weight stayed stable the first month and I found I was actually eating less not smoking. Then I started walking and very quickly was up to 2 hours a day, now 3-4 most days and I’ve dropped 10 pounds. Maybe swim twice a day instead of add your laps all at once? Or walk in the morning and swim at night? Or just don’t worry about it right now and be mindful of sweets and carbs and know it will come back off! 
Yeah...that song is pretty powerful and yes...singer is quite enticing. He trained as a Cantor when younger. I’ve listened to some interviews with him and he is quite a guy. Do you mean Metal used to be your preferred beat?? I wouldn’t have guessed that. I love a lot of older Metal bands like Metallica and Iron Maiden and others. It’s funny how people assume things about bands based on the art to album covers, etc. Once you listen to the lyrics of most of it you realize it is loaded with passion about stuff usually pertaining to the state of the world and the dark side of human nature really. Most of it is way deeper than what one would think on the surface. I’m with you too...glad I got to see a lot of shows when younger. Probably a thing of the past, for a while anyway. Right now I am sorely missing some local music fests that would be happening. They are the only crowd thing I did. 
So your friend that got potentially exposed to COVID19. Bummer. Something has to give with this. Read about a young man in Texas that was 30 that died. Supposedly he went to an “exposure party” where most of them were thinking it is a hoax. Story in the paper said the last thing he said to his Nurse was “I think I made a mistake”. Well...I don’t want to start a big thing here, but, yes...our country is making big mistakes. Bottom line is this...from day one this should have been left to the Epidemiologists and Virologists and people that actually know something about science and disease, like maybe health care officials to run the show. Instead...with politicians running it, we have what we have. Won’t say more but will add if this offends anyone just PM me and I’ll happily remove that part here. And I’m sending a little prayer out there that all of us here will be here at the end of the day to see how this finally plays out and can discuss and dissect it in hindsight. It is definitely a very very unpredictable bug with not enough known yet to mess around with. I do not want it. Hope your friend and her colleague are ok! Oh, and we don’t have Hobby Lobby here but I’ve heard about it. Glad we don’t really as my yarn stash is already out of control! That’s a Winter thing for me and I crochet lots of stuff while watching Netflix. We’ll see though what happens with that as now there is not much chance of me giving up a couple hours walking at night....may be sending you some more yarn! Lol!

Hugs to you my friend. I’m in dire need of a bath and a nap! Will say that falling asleep to the sound of the Mighty Pacific was absolute H.E.A.V.E.N. Worth every grain of sand on me, and mud on legs, and every sore part of my body. Definitely feel a bit renewed....