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First 10 days review   General Chit-Chat

Started 5/6/20 by Musivore; 57886 views.

From: Loreficent


Hey Lovely...

Just got home. Mmmmm. So many analogies to draw on tonight... I’m a bit sleepy at this point to write much, but...just wow. There is definitely some wonderful and beautiful art around town and I wish it would get the coverage that the ugly stuff does as I do believe it far outweighs the ugly. Like most things in life...at least hanging onto that belief of the good keeps one going. The last few nights I’ve been actually looking for people smoking cigarettes. So few! Seriously. But PDX is the the kind of place generally that folks wouldn’t do that in a crowd. Wasn’t watching to bum one as that’s not my style. Just don’t see it like you used to.  Was thinking about it tonight as I wandered around by myself away from the crowd for a while. Just in a distant kind of way.  Such a beautiful night, cool and breezy. 
Anyway, yeah, home safely, didn’t get dragged into an unmarked van tonight, didn’t smoke. No Naked Athena tonight. Sitting on my deck and just hearing the helicopters and thinking I’ll let them lull me to sleep now. More soon. Just noticed haven’t written anything in a week. Didn’t get down to John tonight but will go in the morning.

Get some sleep friend.... 

In reply toRe: msg 204

From: Loreficent


So Peggy dear, did you end up getting some sleep? Hope so!

I awoke to a murder of crows in such a raucous stir! Always makes me wonder what is making them sound off so... usually end up seeing a Hawk soaring somewhere close by. Hmmm...how analogous with life in Portland. Except I like Crows and Hawks and they tend to figure out their own space eventually...and life carries on.
Have been thinking about relationships of a variety of things. One thing I think all of us on here can relate to is that at some point in our lives, we fell for a line of propaganda in some form or other, whether through friends encouraging us, through the pretense of "attractiveness " or " being cool", or the enticing advertising of Big Tobacco. Something in each of us got us started smoking. And there is something in each of us that has woken up to or is waking up to, the fact that maybe what we initially got attracted to and fell for just isn't right or true, yes? So we come here, with alike thinking and a common search to free our minds and bodies of the nicotine addiction. Support is helpful and it works wonders for us on our collective journeys. 
Well...I am a (over) thinker. Always have been and it isn't likely to change much at this point. Some things though...one must eventually get to the point of acceptance and move on and this is how things can be overcome. Acceptance of being an addict, making a choice not to be, and move on. It is generally a struggle for most at first as the mind fights what it thinks and feels is uncomfortable, and perhaps at times too hard. As we move along and read and learn and educate ourselves, we realize the struggle becomes manageable. We realize that with educating ourselves we have more tools and armor. We realize we can rewire our minds and learn new ways of being, and yes, of feeling better! At times we reach out to others that have been on the journey longer and seek advice and support. They reach out their hands and encourage us on our way with examples of their own and stories of their struggle early on. They encourage us with the telling of where they are now and how their life is so much better without smoking. Not one has been on here that I've seen that tells of their regret several years out of quitting smoking. If they speak of regret, it is only of having fallen prey to some form of propaganda in the very beginning when they first started smoking.
This line of thought is definitely on a roll as I watch life unfold day after day in my Fair City. I see the need and meaning and value in educating myself. Beautiful and healthy things can happen once we accept we are in a place that needs to change, yes? We of all people, who are struggling with addiction, know this. We know the first step is we must accept the ugly truth of where we are. It does no good to blame big tobacco, or our teenage friends, or parents who set bad examples. It does no good to relinquish and give in and stay smoking because the struggle is too hard. 
Our lives are full of concepts in one area that when applied to another area can solve other problems. Do we all not feel some sense of empowerment when we make it another day smoke free? For me I see it as applicable and empowering in so many ways...even if it is just going back and doing something I didn't trust myself on the first time like at the Coast. After facing it though... yeah, I'm stronger. 
Ahhh...so much to learn and so much room to grow... and it all starts with opening our eyes and being honest with ourselves about where we are and deciding where we want to go. 
Yeah...History generally repeats itself because we didn't listen the first time. We are an arrogant and stubborn beast, us humans. I am learning to trust myself and recognize the vulnerable side of human nature and how easy it is to succumb to the beliefs and desires of others with their own agendas and need for money and power, just like big tobacco. 
Now...I'm off to check on one tenacious plant that at this point has set an inspiring example of holding my ground and holding my own... and if he no longer stands, I will carry on with the sweet memory of peace and joy burned into my heart and tucked under my wing that my many and too few nights I was lucky to share with him brought me whilst he was here. At the end of the day, I won’t have smoked, my freedom of speech may have perished...but what’s in my heart will always be with me and safe...

From: euknight


Hey Lore...Guess I slept.  Strange day.  Extreme overcast and a cap of humidity which may interfere with swimming.

So my neighbor Laura had a guy die from Covid from high school she dated.  Close friend of family and they have been to dinner with her and her husband.  Stroke during treatment.  Age 64.  Really too close.  No issues. 

There is a protest in our smaller town tonight....about what I don’t know.  All this too close.

Got lost in the dark clouds tonight which hung in the sky, some creating a straight line on the horizon.  Sunset still shone thru but never a wind or a touch of rain.  Pruned some Vitex and buzzed around between laps.  My bedroom is clean clean and actually changed sheets.  I need the sound of the rain.

Felt like Bridget Jones minus the cigarette.  I definitely don’t want  it. The water was cooler than I expected....ahhhhhh.  After the outdoor cruise and swim Bridget has faded into the background and Peggy has returned with a faint smell of gas I always spill on myself.  Lol

We must continue to speak words of love, hope, peace,, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.  I am finding I have to pull away more and more to focus and center on these things.  Better than speaking death....already enough of that.  Thank you for your comment of being grounded.  I don’t feel that way a lot.  Grateful tonight tho to have used movement to settle what was amiss.  Hi to John and Calvin.  We are  chilling out and dreaming of rain.


In reply toRe: msg 206

From: Loreficent


Hey there...

Yes...I wholeheartedly agree with you on speaking about the kinder and gentler things that we are capable of. I’m a believer in the “energy begets energy” theory. Largely what one puts out, they get back. Of course there is always the undeserved things that happen, to all of us at times. That’s when it is time to reflect, regroup, grab bootlaces, all of that. Life is full and beautiful and exciting and worth living regardless if I have some deep meaning or understanding to apply in a given moment. Some moments...all there is is to pick up one of my fur babies and run my fingers through the soft fur and hear the gentle steady purr as they nuzzle under my neck...and you know what? That’s enough. Of course I hope to be a part of bringing about positive changes for those around me, and I try. But I’m like you I can’t go full steam ahead day after day and rail against the machine. I need balance. And respite. And quiet and nature and stars and on and on! So much good and beautiful stuff. Life is too short. Yes, I totally understand and have need for balance. 
I love your description of the evening there. I think you are far enough inland from, Hanna is it? Will you get some rain or storms off it? Also...I love Vytex!! It grows here too and butterflies love it! So do the hummingbirds. Mmmm. Nice.

I have to refresh on Bridget Jones. Name rings a bell, as a book, right? Movie? I’m not sure the link with smoking so will look it up and get back to you on it. Seeing smoking in movies and such doesn’t bother me. Thankfully. 
Am glad to hear you don’t smoke anymore with a habit of spilling gas on yourself!! That stuff is scary to me...I‘ ve seen people smoking at gas stations and even if they are up by the store part which is a bit from the pumps it freaks me out. Just don’t see the two as mixing well and it makes me nervous. 

Well, Peggy...you are grounded. Maybe more than you know or feel at times. 

Have a good night sweet and grounded Peggy. You will be in my thoughts as I blow my kisses on the wind, over the hills, through the trees..across the land, across the pond...to all those I carry in my heart. May they all know who they are and know they are cared for and missed and loved. 


From: Loreficent


I walked down to the Post, about 3 miles round trip in the heat and wanted to send a pic to you of what is out now. I immediately thought of you St Eve! The walk was nice, through lots of mature tree lined streets and a long stairwell down a hill through a neighborhood. Of course that also meant coming back up those stairs. There was a young girl sitting there on the steps vaping and I stopped and chatted with her for a bit. Told her I used to smoke and she said “oh, that’s gross!” and we both laughed at that. She added she wants to quit vaping as it consumes her. 
Anyway...here is what I picked up at the Post. My favorite is Bugs the Mermaid. Now Eve that would make a cute tat for you


From: euknight


Hey Lore,

I know you are grabbing some extra work this week!!  Yay for you!!

Tell me about this art around town you are talking about?  Murals or what?  Some of it from protestors too?

That sounds like an interesting field trip to look for people smoking.  I know in the small towns I am near, it felt like I was the only one hugging the curb dragging on a cig.  Even in FW....not that much although have not been there in a long time.  That’s funny about bumming cigs.  Do people still do that?  I don’t get out much.  Lol.  My experience so far when I have been near a smoker is compassion.

Good to hear you didn’t get dragged into a van.  That scene has been replayed more times than I can count.  I don’t know about naked Athena.....was that a statue? Wow....hearing helicopters....are those military helicopters.  Man, war zone.  Praying you stay safe!!!

So Hurricane Hanna brought us the most calming overcast cool weather for end of July.  After tribe book study I swam and water was cool.  Reminded me of the deep coolness of the lakes in Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota growing up.  It was a coolness that is not like here at all.  Since it was overcast, the water was bluer too.  It is a blanketed overcast that doesn’t burn off.  We are suppose to have it a few days.  The people in Southern coastal counties had worse Covid cases, now hurricane damage.  Feel for them. I am grateful for this reprieve in the hot time of summer.  Thunder and rain came in about 3 AM.  Hope it returns tonight!!  

Tab got in a scuttle of some sort as her face was swollen all day yesterday, drops of blood...swelling finally went down so I could see the bite, injury whatever and treat it.  She got it when I swam way after dark Saturday.  I hope she learned her lesson.  Guard dog is her job.  Lol

Hope you are well.  Have a restful smoke free evening!!


From: Eve1973


Hey Lore, Lol mermaid cute but I like the bugs acting goofy wearing the green 2nd row from bottom, 2nd from right! What  exactly is the photos on? Calendar? Book?

   Wish you were closer so you could make me walk, need someone to push me. Lol. Glad you weren’t thrown in Van also.

   Yes people still bum smokes......especially in Philly. Some times offer you money. 

Oh crappola, I forgot your 5 months anniversary! Wow I know u have been thru a lot, remember your 1st slip.....feels like we are living in a different world now. You are almost at 1/2 a year! If you can stay quit through this “world “ you can do ANYTHING........including the PCT. 

talk soon!


From: Loreficent


Peggy! Hi there...

So glad to hear you got some rain and cooler temps. The heat has made it’s way finally several days ago and we have had a couple days over 100. I worked one of them so was in AC all day, but man, when I came out the door at 7:30...It washed over me like I had stepped into a sauna! Whew. Was very glad I drove that day and didn’t have to walk home in it. Only an hour walk but too much at that point. 
Poor Tab! Is she ok now? Did you have to go to the Vet? No idea what? Do you have Opossums there? My Shepard tangled with one of those when I lived in Atlanta. She won as far as survived but it was ugly. Sutures and antibiotics... Well...whatever it was she must have taken it as a threat to you the goddess she sees fit to protect. Such great dogs. I miss mine so. She lived to 13 and a half though so I was blessed. My daughter used to toddle over with her bottle, lay down leaning up on her side and fall asleep. Woe would have been to anyone that tried to harm her baby I’m sure. She was a big girl at 98 pounds and was a Schutzhund training failure as she hated hats and bicycles. I rescued her from a group that was training for the Military. Had to be very careful walking her because of that as she would just freak out. Her German fell by the wayside as I couldn’t remember the commands too well, haha! She learned English and a few Spanish words from me though, so smart doggy.  Anyway...glad Tab is ok! How old is she now? 
Wait...you‘ve been to Michigan lakes?? I miss them. Once people find out I’m from there I often get asked if I’ve swam across Lake Michigan. Hahaha! I know immediately they’ve never seen it or any of the others. Superior is my favorite. So much wilderness and isolation available. Someday I’ll go visit again. Last trip was with my dad the summer before he died. He loved it so. He was 95. I wonder if he knew his time was near. He seemed very fit and healthy and lived on his own, still working up on his roof, etc. He was smoking only his pipe at that point, about 4-5 bowls a day. Anyway, I flew over and we took a road trip as he wanted to go. So I might just want to leave those memories as they are and not add more at this point. We’ll see. 
Yes, I got some extra shifts this week. Tough times and they are paying extra so with the pay cut it offsets it a bit and covers my piano lessons. Yay! That’s why I picked them up really. The pace is not sustainable for sure. Don’t want to write too much here, but, we joke about starting a bet pool on who is gonna fall ill first and since they would be “the winner” we would give them the money in the pool to offset medical expenses. Sick, I know, but...the bad humor keeps us going! There is not much funny about all of this at all....so. Yeah. A little humor among us helps. There is a website up to fill out a form to be in the vaccine study. You would not be a good candidate as you are pretty isolated, but I am hoping to get in the trial. Would make me feel I’m doing something when in reality I feel pretty helpless. Some of these folks are pretty sick. It is affecting my sleep now. Many are just sore throat, fever, diarrhea, etc. Anyway...more on PM maybe about that would be better. Bottom line...Don’t smoke. And yes, people still bum smokes! Not me though so don’t worry. 
Naked Athena was a protester that came out one night I was down there. Stunning. Actually I had just moved over as there was a guy vaping something that stunk so I was in a clear space and out comes this tall, naked woman in a ski mask and face mask. She did a bunch of Yoga and Ballet about 30-40 feet from the Fed line. The juxtaposition of the scene was incredible! There are a bunch of videos on YouTube of it. Powerful to see this naked woman being shot at. Anyway...for me, the artistic statement was just amazing. So...more on that later as I figure out how to answer you about the art. It is one of the reasons I go. That and I am a person who needs truth. You know, when I wrote what I wrote from Seattle, I truly was inspired by the artistic scene I was watching and it is where the poetry came from. Little did I know...how much truth there was then that would apply to what I see now in Seattle’s sister city PDX. This time though I’ve taken it in without smoking and watching from a small distance. There is no doubt some bad stuff. On both sides. What the press does not show, is the larger group of people gathered trying very hard to police their own and stop the stuff that sends the gas rolling out. There is very little truth out there right now from what I’ve seen on the news. Just like the art. No showing and telling of the beautiful artwork down there. Just the ugliness and negativity. Seriously?? Most of these news networks remind me of Big Tobacco! Something to think about. Very seriously.
The graffiti is there too, yes. Confined in a very small space and on specific structures. So yet another juxtaposition of the beautiful and the ugly. I just feel the world is in this odd place, perhaps tilted slightly off her axis or something though I know that isn’t true. Just this odd place and there all of these opposing visuals and actions and thoughts. For me, seeing things for myself gives me a deeper sense of understanding and actually, balance. Anyway...like all things...this too shall pass. It is but a moment in time that will become a snippet of foggy memory... Don’t worry...will be at the Coast again Friday to be with the healing forces there and will be up at the Mountain on Sunday. Hopefully away from Covid or smoke dreams that have taken to filtering into my sleep nightly. 
Enjoy your swim! Hopefully more thunder for you later too! Soooo Nice!


From: Loreficent


I knew you’d like them! They are stamps that are out now. The Forever Stamps that don’t expire. So funny! I bought this sheet of them. Couldn’t wait to get home and take a pic to send you. The girl vaping was cracking up about them as I was carrying them in my hand cause I didn’t want them to crumple in this little back pack I use. 
Well...come on out and stay with me and you will walk a ton I promise! I live pretty close in in the city, as the crow flies about a mile, little less from downtown. Most people walk a lot here to the stores, parks, etc. Just do it. Just go out about an hour before bed and start with a walk for 10-15 minutes. It clears your head like you wouldn’t believe and relaxes the body. Do it in the morning too. I’ve been running mixed in all along and two weeks ago met my goal of running for an hour. Felt really good and now I do that 3 days a week and walk at night. The days I run are days I can nap later and then I just walk that night. There was a night a week or so ago I was getting a little sick and didn’t walk much that night and missed it really bad! When I go downtown I walk around a lot. I feel completely safe. I did see one of those people get snagged but I was about a block away. It was all very confusing and there was a lot of people yelling and I was already on my way out. It made me be very cautious though. He was also someone that was walking away but had come from a bigger crowd and I was not as close to begin with. I don’t usually stay that late as I want to come back across the river and say good night to John. 
Movement is my sanity now for sure. The only sanity there is maybe..? 
You can do the PCT with me! I only want to do Oregon down to Mt Shasta area. My massage therapist did the whole thing 2 years ago. She is a rock though. Plus that takes like 5 months and I’d drive myself insane I’m sure! Lol! Probably would never be seen again. Hmmmm.

Honestly...I missed the date too! I’m not that big on those things so don’t worry. Maybe if I had a life with a regular schedule I’d pay more attention to dates, but usually I just go by what day it is and whether I work or not, like is it Saturday, oh ok I gotta work this one. I work this Thursday and it has already thrown me off and it isn’t even here yet! Yes...if we can stay quit through this, we can do anything. I’m a little worried I haven’t been thinking about it much, but have been observing it kind of like a little case study of just seeing how many people are still smoking. I see a lot more vaping. Not sure if people think it is safer? 

Anyway...gonna do my dishes and walk off now too! Yay! Stay safe St Eve and I promise I will do the same. Always do...


From: Loreficent


Ahhh...what an amazing walk back across the bridge and through the neighborhoods. Not quite as warm tonight but still enough heat coming up off the streets from earlier today and in the air to carry the smell of all the Jasmine. Magnolias are blooming too and I just love the fresh almost lemony smell of them. The blossoms...so big it takes both of my hands to cup them. Mmmm. In some ways I want to live where the nights are like this year round, but then I wonder if I would appreciate it less? 
Walked by John on the way home. Amazing. I think he’s going to make it a full year. I talked to the owner of the place about a week or so ago when my Nurse friend was here and we walked down there and he was out gardening. I didn’t notice the spike till last October but he said it started in August. Makes sense as he is up pretty high from the street and the spike would need to get up above the plant a bit for me to see it from below. I asked him if he was just going to let it topple on it’s own and he said yes so I was really happy to hear that. That darn plant has so much symbolism for me now I am going to be sad when he is gone.
So, I’m not sure what the helicopters are about. News and or police surveillance I assume. Does add some strange feel but once your two blocks away from that area you don’t even know it except for the noise of the flash bangs and the gas on the breeze. Portland blocks are not big either like other cities. That was something I noticed right away when I moved here was how short a block is in most areas. So this whole area of unrest is really small compared to the size of downtown. Tonight I just put in my AirPods and walked with my music. Didn’t really feel like listening to them but they are still pretty loud now from my deck too. Hopefully gone soon and the nights will once again be very quiet. They had returned to that actually before the Feds got here. Was so little happening. Think I’m gonna go back and sleep inside tonight. House is cooled down to 79 already and with a window fan that’s tolerable. 
What is Winter like for you there? I’ll have to read about the plant life where you are. I’m always curious what grows where. 
Have a beautiful morning when you wake up. I’ll just pretend these helicopters are the thunder you get and drift right off soon, Lol! Not sure why they are this close tonight...