Hi Joel

Im so glad you didn’t too! Hope you pat yourself on the back for that one. It sounds like a narrow escape! Ok, so first, yes, maybe you feel the physical cravings are long gone, and maybe they are as they seem to go first. Though there is some crossing of the wires, smoking addiction is far more MENTAL. This likely happened because you associate those fun times and gatherings with pleasure and good memories. Don’t kid yourself. Even though your body has let go in tremendous ways, that addict part of yourself that we all call the “junkie” is very much alive still and well in there. It is pretty sad because if you read the statistics on smoking cessation, it is very low at one year clean. Less than regular Heroin users who quit! You have to fight strong and hard that entire year of “firsts” to overcome these associations. Then if you want to carry this further, and compare it to grief, it is more like two seasons of everything to have the mind heal. I am NOT trying to compare this to the grief of loss of a loved one or friend and minimize that for anyone in any way for sure. I am full aware of the differences and the pain that never goes away with that. But grief counselors tell folks that it is two cycles of things like holiday, birthdays, special days together, etc being gone before the person really starts to heal. Smoking cessation specialists and the Mods here will say at least one full year of these events, and they also say it takes two full years to be at a level of 80% success rate of remaining smoke free!! For us this is a long time and it can be discouraging and overwhelming to look that far ahead. Don’t do that. Stay present with yourself in the moments you are in, cherish them for what they are. Nobody knows for certain ever who has two years! We hope we all do. But the bottom line is this...that time is going to go by either way. Won’t you be so much happier looking back and being successful than looking back wishing you were at the one month mark again?? Yes. You are strong and capable Joel. And you had the good fortune not to have started smoking as a teen. I think your chances of success are really great as long as you don’t give in in those moments. Keep your phone handy when you go out. If it happens again, excuse yourself for a minute and come post an “SOS” here. 
So, you see, the junkie and the addict inside you is very much alive and well yet. See that separate part and use your other wiser parts to stay in control. You cannot force it out. That would be so much easier if we could! The approach it took with you last night is what we call romanticizing the smoke. Thinking about how nice and fun a date with just one would be, and telling yourself you can handle it as you have a few weeks now and no longer have physical addiction. That is the oldest trick in the junkie book and I’m glad you didn’t fall for it! 

Also, I thought of a book you might like...not SciFi but a dystopian type novel (not sure the real difference other than fancy different name!) but it is called “Jennifer Government “ by Max Barry. It is an engaging and a bit suspenseful read. Go to your local bookstore today and see if they have it! It is older so probably only costs about the same as a pack of smokes. 

So I went back to bed early as I had a rough night with insomnia so am now just having coffee at noon. This is when I would smoke, in the morning with coffee. Now I just look stuff up and have coffee. So I looked up dystopian vs science fiction as what I wrote got me wondering and here is what I found. 
“The future in science fiction is often presented in a dystopian setting. ... A dystopia is an imaginary world deliberately conceived as being worse than our own; a utopian one conceived as better. But many science fiction worlds are neither better nor worse – merely different.”

 

So, if I were still smoking, I would not have learned this, I would just sit and smoke and think mostly my own thoughts. So much more fun to let the mind wander in an active way too!

Hi Lore, whats up?Yes, i found out that the Junkie inside me is still very well alive. Thank God i have not smoked yet. These days was definitely a slippery slope for me though.i never thought i would face this battle even after 27 days of quit.The test was powerful and intense but not enough to destroy my journey to success.NOPE definitely worked. Otherwise i would have compromised my Junkie and let myself in for a puff. At this point, i understand that i am still an addict. Nothings have changed. May be, the nicotine have left my body but the scars they have made require more time to heal.

The resolution tend to get weak overtime. So i need to fix this. I need some reinforcement.

I would definitely give a try to read Jennifer Government.How are you doing Lore? I hope everything is fine.Might be, the smaller naps you have is a reason for sleeplessness?

Yes, it is a good read! Did you find it? You can get on Kindle but I like real books. 
The junkie inside is alive a long long time Joel. We will always be addicts. It really is that simple. It will get much better with time but it is important to just accept this fact and keep going with the knowledge of our vulnerability. I think this is one thing that makes it so hard. We expect it to go away because we want it to. Well, the saying “you can’t always get what you want” is very true, especially with quitting smoking. We WANT it to just go away! You have come too far to start over for sure.

I’m good. Yes, my sleep is a mess. I have never been one to have a proper schedule for it and that doesn’t help. Truth is, I don’t care about the proper schedule so much! Especially now. I still feel if I need a nap rather than smoke that not smoking is more important so I will nap! 

Oh! Is this a free app? What is it called? 
You are doing SO GOOD!

Yes its free:D

Its quit tracker. Available in play store.

I was just going through the book you suggested. Seems interesting.. Good choice! as long as you could sleep well, the schedule doesnt matter. Yes.. Its so pleasing to take small naps.

Is play store the same as App Store?

Im going to re-read that book. I remember it being real good. So we can have a book club! 

Thats nice Lore.. Can we have a movie club too? I am so lazy when it comes to reading..

Yes. In Android, its called play store. Seems wierd right? You are an iphone user right?