About Smoking Cessation Forum

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Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.

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Hello   Introductions/Newcomers Nook

Started Oct-17 by newgirl127; 753 views.

From: newgirl127


My husband and I quit smoking together three days ago. I have had to move into the shed.  We are fighting pretty all the time. I feel the children do not understand. I feel desperately low and unhappy. I’m trying to run my business this is proving very difficult and I feel very alone. My husband and I are unable to speak to each other at all. I think he feels it is only me finding this difficult and is blaming me for all the arguments. I just want to run away but have nowhere to go. 


From: Season1327


My husband and I quit together five days ago and we are both still struggling but each day gets better. Today is the first day I'm going to be home all day and I'm not sure how I'm going to spend my time.  Don't give up - we can do this! 

In reply toRe: msg 1

From: newgirl127


What I think is happening is my husband is in denial that he is experiencing any of the withdrawal and focussing on me and my experience, rather than his own. He had even had the nerve to suggest things might be harder for me because of ‘my hormones’ I simply don’t know how to deal with this. Had anyone else experienced difficulties giving up with a partner. 


From: TinyBadger


Hi there! I admit my experience is not identical to yours, but I did quit with my husband. I decided to quit 10 days before he did. When he quit it was pretty craptastic in that he needed a lot of nurturing and support. I needed a lot of that but ended up giving him that. It was frustrating because I felt like my quit wasn't as important as his. We were both pretty crabby and did make some pretty biting comments to each other's and did have some squabbles. I'm not going to say I moved into a shed, but I would encourage you to not give up hope and know that you aren't alone. I imagine he is struggling like you are. I'm not sure if this is the answer you want to hear, but I just took deep breaths and reminded myself that this is a terrible addiction. This thing is so strong and pervasive that it drives us to do and say some super crappy stuff. I told myself that I wanted him to quit so badly that I was willing to put up with his crap to get him over the hump. He quit cold turkey and at the week to two week mark things really got better. Sure, he can still be a dillweed, but he's a lot better. Your quit is so important. Please don't give up. Stay strong and post here as much as you need to when you need to vent. People here will cheer you on and support you when your husband can't. That's what I do, anyway. Please don't stop your quit. 


From: Nope62


  No, but I have always wished that I had a Quit Buddy, so to speak. I hope that you two can get together and support each other. It could sabotage both your quits if you don't work together. Talk about it! Ask him for his help and offer to help him. Try to understand and ask him to understand that you are both going through a rough stretch right now. It will get a little better each day as the cravings become more manageable.

Good Luck to Both of You! 


From: Jaka38


My wife (partner) quit years ago with such an ease. But she was never a real smoker to begin with. I had numerous attempts from that time on. Right now I'm in daj 17. At the beginning of this last quit (and all the others as a matter of fact) I tend to get really angry and annoyed by everything. I did say some stuff to her or to the kids that I regret now. I remember one time when I just saw or felt anger rising like a vulcano eruption in a slow motion. Saw that, being aware, but still wasn't able to do anything about it. It's not like that all the time and only at a beginning. I have different problems latter on, more subtle ones. I don't know if that's of any help to you but try to keep in mind that he's suffering as much as you or even better and that his anger and hatred have origin in fear and confusion. So if you manage some compassion for both, I guess that'll do more good for two of you than blaming etc. So if it's possible be a bigger person, if not, that's OK either...


From: livtoswim



I understand the challenge.   I live with my ex-husband.   He is a 1/2 pack a day smoker.  I smoke between 4-7 per day.   Everytime I attempt a quit he sabatoges it. Every time.   He will give me encouragement then starts a fight. This is on me.  I have to quit this time.  My lungs are crying.  I have to have the attitude that I don't care what he thinks.  It's my journey.   I perhaps use his indifference to relapse.  This time I have to put myself first.  Good luck newgirl127 cool name. - Best Deanne 

  • Edited October 21, 2020 5:44 pm  by  livtoswim

From: Jaka38


It's so easy to blame others or some external factors for our failure. Been there, done that so many times. You can't change others, you can only change yourself. And than it becomes possible for them to change as well. Wishing you good luck 

In reply toRe: msg 8

From: livtoswim


Hi Jake38,

I was responding to another post before my post that you responded to.  

I get that its on me to quit.  Your right,  can't change external factors or  move back to california.   After 25 years of marriage I know my limitations.  Just giving support to a fellow friend.  

Hope all is well with you!  Good luck to you too!  -D


From: Jaka38


Actually I was responding to above posts. Not to you. smile Sometimes it's hard to navigate through posts...

It's getting better for me. How about you?