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Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.

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Does (not) smoking change you as a person?   Introductions/Newcomers Nook

Started Nov-10 by NikaSuzi; 8130 views.
Jono (Jonathan1967)

From: Jono (Jonathan1967)

Dec-23

Wow, that message was very well articulated indeed, explains it almost to the letter, and definitely mirrors my perspective.

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Dec-23

Oh, well, thank you! I’m glad it speaks to someone else’s perspective. I always gauge things on if someone else is having the experience or thought or feeling, and not just me, then it must be normal, lol! But yes...this is quite the carnival, right? Hmmm...Fun House, Roller Coaster, Carousel, those strange mirrors that reflect warped images back to us...all of this journey is not unlike a Carnival really. 
 

Say...are you the Gentleman in South Africa? So sorry if not and I’m confusing things (which is normal for me joy) but I think I remember seeing you here before but haven’t for a while. Anyway, nice to see you again! 

  • Edited December 23, 2020 7:10 pm  by  Loreficent
Jono (Jonathan1967)

From: Jono (Jonathan1967)

Dec-24

Thank you for your kind, and yet again, very descriptive and eloquent reply!

Yes, I'm the South African. Have not been in the forum for a few months now, but used to visit almost daily during the initial stages of evading the nicotine demon. I found the reading and support to be of great assistance in continuing the quit.  

Its getting close to two years now without a puff, thank goodness, and still take one day at a time. Still teaching the new, young, and vulnerable neurotransmitters and pathways some new tricks grinning

Take care, and stay safe and strong.

abrewster14

From: abrewster14

Jan-14

God I’m 13 days into my stop...after over 20 years. Some days very proud some days uggg is this worth it? I don’t have any cigs and am not getting any. Hang in there

gkim

From: gkim

Jan-14

Yes, hang in there! You should never have any cigs in your house. That’s just too tempting. 13 days is great! The physical withdrawals are almost complete if not totally. Now it’s just fighting your own head! You can do it. 

overdoze

From: overdoze

Jan-15

I think i have wrote this before in a post long ago.. from something my cousin told me that had quit smoking. He told me that you have to reinvent yourself, so instead of being that person that relates to a coffee and a cig, you have to develop a new persona, like the new workout guy or girl, the health conscious person.

I think that quitting smoking does slowly bring us back to a time when we didnt smoke, at least it did for me. I mean it brought me back to before i was a teenager and i was in that space for a while, thinking of life. I believe also that we regain our happiness that had been stolen or hijacked from us. I wish everybody a great smoke free day, and a great weekend. 

Overdoz..

In reply toRe: msg 1
Jono (Ian568)

From: Jono (Ian568)

Jan-20

This is a really interesting topic and something I have struggled with.  My brief story is that, when I met my wife, she was a full time smoker and me just a social smoker.  Before long I become a part-time smoker (about 10-15 a week, sometimes more) and really enjoyed our smoking times together. It was part of our personalities and togetherness. That was 30 years ago. About 5 years ago my wife gave up quite suddenly and unexpectedly and I'm proud of her for doing that.  Problem is I wasn't ready to give up and although I have reduced somewhat (about 5-10 a week or so now) I'm missing our smoking times together. That makes us both different people in different ways and has changed our relationship. She is quite anti-smoking now and I haven't yet found the willpower to fully quit so I do it secretly most of the time which isn't ideal. How have others dealt with this issue, when your partner changes from being a smoker to a non-smoker but you are still smoking, and possibly trying to quit which can take several goes?  I feel that we were on the same page as smokers but we are on different pages now. I'm worried that our relationship will be entirely different (if it isn't already) if we are both non-smokers as that element of our lives that we found enjoyable for a long time, and was part of who we were, is no longer there.  I think mentally that is holding me back from quitting plus the inevitable craving that I regularly get to light up again.

Eve1973

From: Eve1973

Jan-21

Not sure if I can help or not, but my BF never smoked. During our relationship I knew he hated it. So I stopped smoking around him. But I would wake early to smoke, go outside away from him and basically distance myself from him so as not to have him upset. But he would say stuff like you stink, or try and kiss me and I would pull away because I knew I just smoked and hadn’t brushed teeth. It was exhausting and I was “happy “ when he left so I didn’t have that much pressure and awkwardness. 
 

So I basically chose a lil white stick over my relationship with a person..... wow NOT GOOD! So I feel we are better since I stopped plus there are so many other perks with stopping! Personally if you want to be connected better find a New activity that brings you together. 

Anne2020

From: Anne2020

Jan-21

Consider doing something other than smoking - perhaps puffing/drawing through a straw every time you would normally smoke,  or drawing ice water through a thin straw every time you would normally smoke, in particularly when you enjoyed those 'smoking times' together.  You may be surprised to find that you are both the same person you always were.   This might even give you the extra impetus to go forward with your quit.

I dont' think smoking/not smoking changes people fundamentally.  We are who we are.  Even though you go through the change of quitting which can raise havoc with your patience, tolerance, stress, etc., we all eventually go back to who we are on a fundamental basis.  Once we get past the withdraw and are sufficiently quit (about a year), we all settle back into ourselves even better than before. That is the beauty of the quit.

That's just my take. 

Jono (Ian568)

From: Jono (Ian568)

Jan-21

Thank you Eve that has helped. I always find it interesting when I see people in relationships where only 1 smokes. I can empathise with your senario and can relate to waking early to go outside for a smoke on my own.  My wife hasn't nagged me so far but it is exhausting at times sneaking around. Yes, the choices we make...such is the pull of cigarettes.

We have started down that path of finding a new activity that brings us together. Still haven't quite found it yet but we will keep looking and trying. I appreciate your thoughts because it is good to hear that from someone else and it gives me confidence that is the right move and I may not be so fearful of quitting and leaving our former smoking lives.

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