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Does (not) smoking change you as a person?   Introductions/Newcomers Nook

Started Nov-10 by NikaSuzi; 8319 views.

From: abrewster14


God I’m 13 days into my stop...after over 20 years. Some days very proud some days uggg is this worth it? I don’t have any cigs and am not getting any. Hang in there


From: gkim


Yes, hang in there! You should never have any cigs in your house. That’s just too tempting. 13 days is great! The physical withdrawals are almost complete if not totally. Now it’s just fighting your own head! You can do it. 


From: overdoze


I think i have wrote this before in a post long ago.. from something my cousin told me that had quit smoking. He told me that you have to reinvent yourself, so instead of being that person that relates to a coffee and a cig, you have to develop a new persona, like the new workout guy or girl, the health conscious person.

I think that quitting smoking does slowly bring us back to a time when we didnt smoke, at least it did for me. I mean it brought me back to before i was a teenager and i was in that space for a while, thinking of life. I believe also that we regain our happiness that had been stolen or hijacked from us. I wish everybody a great smoke free day, and a great weekend. 


In reply toRe: msg 1
Jono (Ian568)

From: Jono (Ian568)


This is a really interesting topic and something I have struggled with.  My brief story is that, when I met my wife, she was a full time smoker and me just a social smoker.  Before long I become a part-time smoker (about 10-15 a week, sometimes more) and really enjoyed our smoking times together. It was part of our personalities and togetherness. That was 30 years ago. About 5 years ago my wife gave up quite suddenly and unexpectedly and I'm proud of her for doing that.  Problem is I wasn't ready to give up and although I have reduced somewhat (about 5-10 a week or so now) I'm missing our smoking times together. That makes us both different people in different ways and has changed our relationship. She is quite anti-smoking now and I haven't yet found the willpower to fully quit so I do it secretly most of the time which isn't ideal. How have others dealt with this issue, when your partner changes from being a smoker to a non-smoker but you are still smoking, and possibly trying to quit which can take several goes?  I feel that we were on the same page as smokers but we are on different pages now. I'm worried that our relationship will be entirely different (if it isn't already) if we are both non-smokers as that element of our lives that we found enjoyable for a long time, and was part of who we were, is no longer there.  I think mentally that is holding me back from quitting plus the inevitable craving that I regularly get to light up again.


From: Eve1973


Not sure if I can help or not, but my BF never smoked. During our relationship I knew he hated it. So I stopped smoking around him. But I would wake early to smoke, go outside away from him and basically distance myself from him so as not to have him upset. But he would say stuff like you stink, or try and kiss me and I would pull away because I knew I just smoked and hadn’t brushed teeth. It was exhausting and I was “happy “ when he left so I didn’t have that much pressure and awkwardness. 

So I basically chose a lil white stick over my relationship with a person..... wow NOT GOOD! So I feel we are better since I stopped plus there are so many other perks with stopping! Personally if you want to be connected better find a New activity that brings you together. 


From: Anne2020


Consider doing something other than smoking - perhaps puffing/drawing through a straw every time you would normally smoke,  or drawing ice water through a thin straw every time you would normally smoke, in particularly when you enjoyed those 'smoking times' together.  You may be surprised to find that you are both the same person you always were.   This might even give you the extra impetus to go forward with your quit.

I dont' think smoking/not smoking changes people fundamentally.  We are who we are.  Even though you go through the change of quitting which can raise havoc with your patience, tolerance, stress, etc., we all eventually go back to who we are on a fundamental basis.  Once we get past the withdraw and are sufficiently quit (about a year), we all settle back into ourselves even better than before. That is the beauty of the quit.

That's just my take. 

Jono (Ian568)

From: Jono (Ian568)


Thank you Eve that has helped. I always find it interesting when I see people in relationships where only 1 smokes. I can empathise with your senario and can relate to waking early to go outside for a smoke on my own.  My wife hasn't nagged me so far but it is exhausting at times sneaking around. Yes, the choices we make...such is the pull of cigarettes.

We have started down that path of finding a new activity that brings us together. Still haven't quite found it yet but we will keep looking and trying. I appreciate your thoughts because it is good to hear that from someone else and it gives me confidence that is the right move and I may not be so fearful of quitting and leaving our former smoking lives.

Jono (Ian568)

From: Jono (Ian568)


Thank you Anne that really puts it in perspective and I appreciate the ideas. I never thought of the straw idea but worth a try. 

Your take on peoples findamental personalities is really interesting. On a fundamental level we probably are the same people but without the 'smoke screen' in our lives. We've just yet to properly experience that due to me still smoking, strange after 30 years but I imagine not an uncommon scenario.  I just need that willingness and patience to go through the change of quitting so we end up in a better place.

Thanks for your comments, it is great to get an external perspective and congratulations to you having quit for over a year (I read one of your earlier posts). 


From: VirgoKrissy


I think I know what you mean. I am only on Day 4 but I feel dumber, slower, more bitchy and depressed. When I smoke I feel like a happier and more energetic person but I realize now that could be smoking fueling a facade of who I wanted to be. Getting older, I start to realize that I don't have to smile and shine for everyone else constantly.  Its okay to be angry or sad sometimes.  I need to learn new coping again like it was mentioned earlier on this feed.  


From: Anne2020


You should smile and pat yourself on the back - be over the moon happy.  You have made it past the three days - your body has purged about 90% of the nicotine out.  Well done!!!  The rest is all in your mind.  Now concentrate and tell yourself, over and over, smoking is ugly, smoking is bad, smoking is so disgusting - I don't smoke.  Go drink some ice cold water and smile, you are on your way to the rest of your life smoke free.

Yipeeee !!!