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February 2021 Ex-Smokers - Start Here!   Quit Buddies Unite

Started 1/31/21 by Terry (abquitsmking); 35225 views.
Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

May-2

Hi Katie,

Moving the boat was lovely - a beautiful day for it, and now she's on her mooring in the middle of the Exe, ready for adventures (although I don't really feel like having fun at the moment - hope I will soon).  The not smoking is also fine - the odd niggly thought, but I just don't want to be a smoker any more.  I know I can do it, and be happier for it - and I also know that it doesn't help with stress.  Which is good, because things have gone downhill again with my son.  I'm trying to persuade him to make an urgent appointment with his psychiatrist, but he probably won't because the therapist  - who ought to be struck off, in my opinion - has been in touch with him again, and now he doesn't even believe he's ill.  It's a nightmare, and just so sad.  I'm still hanging onto hope that one day it will all be all right, but it's hard to believe it sometimes.  He is so angry and upset about things that never happened, and utterly convinced he's right.  There's no reasoning with him, and all I can do is tell him that I love him and I'm there.  I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Thanks for checking in with me, and I'm glad you're having a nice weekend.  I'm intrigued about the snooker -  is there some sort of family connection?  I suppose it seems an unusual interest for a young mum, but then again I remember being glued to coverage from the Crucible when I was growing up!  You're probably too young to remember Steve Davis and Alex Higgins, but they were amazing.  I used to root for Hurricane Higgins because he seemed so much wilder and more interesting.  He smoked, though.

Have a lovely rest of your weekend, and thanks again.

Suzy x

KatieKat84

From: KatieKat84

May-5

Hi Suzy,

I’m so sorry things have been hard with your son again :( It sounds so so tough and my heart goes out to you. You’re doing so well just to be there for him and show him he is loved no matter what. That is so powerful and important even though it might not seem that way just now. You’re his mum and that’s what matters.

It must be so hard trying to deal with this irresponsible therapist and your son believing things that aren’t true. I honestly don’t know what I would do.

Things will get better. It sounds like everything is stirred up and disrupted at the moment but there will be calmer times.

Meanwhile I’m so pleased to hear you are happy to be a non-smoker. Are you 2 weeks into your new quit now? Not so new hehe.

The snooker wasn’t a classic this year (although I still watched about 8000 hours of it!) I just got into it watching it with my husband on tv one day - it’s such a fascinating game, the skill, the tactics, the luck! And that thing where if you miss you have to sit in your chair and watch your opponent clear up - ouchy! We went to the Crucible a few years ago - I think I was the only pregnant lady there haha.

My daughter is currently into rolly-pollies. She hasn’t quite got the hang yet so puts her head down and sticks her bottom in the air then gets disoriented and falls sideways but triumphantly. She’s also trying to teach her cuddly pooh bear to do them :)

OK crochet time - making a horse for my friend’s daughter (her idea).

Sending hugs,

Katie

quit 4th March 2017

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

May-7

Hi Katie, and sorry for such a slow reply - don't worry, I am still a non-smoker (2 weeks and 1 day!), I've just had work every day this week and am knackered.   I don't know how I ever used to manage a proper full-time job.

Things are better again with my son - he has now made the appointment and seems calmer again - but thank you so much for the kind words; they really do help.

I love how good the snooker players are too - if I was playing and my opponent missed, though, they wouldn't have to watch me clear up (which I agree is very ouchy) - they probably wouldn't even bother to sit down.   I'd probably miss AND pot the white.  I played pool a few times at uni - didn't ever win.  Oh well.  

I love the image of your daughter falling sideways but triumphantly - a very important life skill, I'd say.   Even Olympic gymnasts do it, after all - no matter how much of a heap they land in, they still jump up and go "Ta dah!"  

Hugs to you too.  I won't be on here much over the next couple of days (work this afternoon and boat on Saturday), but I am fine.

Suzy

P.S. Please post a picture of the horse when it's done?

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

May-7

Hi Lore,

Hopefully you're just busy with work (or even better, fun), but I haven't seen you on here in a little while and I am missing your gentle thoughtfulness!  Hope everything is ok.

I'm ok, just about - been through the emotional wringer a bit, but still standing.

Big hugs,

Suzy

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

May-7

Hello Suzy,

Im so happy to hear from you! Thank you for checking in, it means a lot to me. 
Yes, a mix of both fun and work. I was up in Seattle for a few days last weekend and earlier this week. My daughter and I were visiting my Stepson, her brother. I love so very much spending time with him. Hard to believe he will be 27 in July. We are so close and talk about everything under the sun. I’ve known him since he was 3, and me and his dad (who is my daughter’s father) split up when he was near 12 and my daughter was 3. His mom and I are good friends and became even better friends after my divorce from the guy that was her Ex first. Whew! I just realized that is a round about explanation of who is who! Anyway, my Stepson is a person I am grateful to have in my life. I’ve often wondered if he and my daughter are the sole reasons I got with their dad to begin with. Either way, they are the best things that came from my relationship with my Ex and I am eternally grateful for these kids he brought to my life. I’ll have to send you a photo of something I saw in Seattle as I think you will get a kick from it. Seattle was profoundly beautiful. I have been many places in this country and stand by there aren’t any cities more beautiful than Seattle and Portland in the Spring. Speaking of...I read somewhere you aspire to drive across these United States some day! I do hope you get to do that. If so, you will need to let me know. I’ve done that several times from East to West and also North to South. Fair warning: it is a bigger Nation than even many folks here realize. A fascinating one in so many ways too, not only geographically but culturally and socially. Such differences between regions! But yes, that would be a grand trip. I will say, I’ve seen several “work aways” for a variety of places here, and several on the Oregon Coast. Perhaps you would be interested in one of those, haha! You could also likely get work at the medical school in Portland similar to what you do there! That could be fun for a bit. Perhaps you could house sit for me and care for my critters whilst I travel. So many options! 
 

Im so happy things are brighter again for your son. Remember, these times and days are seeds. Keep a little journal to have as a reminder for you to have if things turn rough again. Nothing too taxing, just a line or two of positive things you notice day to day while he is in this phase of treatment and recovery and discovery. It may be interesting and helpful for him someday too. Anyway, a thought of a way to hang onto hope when times are rougher. It helps with quitting smoking too to have note of positives you noticed, or a note of a day of challenges that you surpassed and not smoked. Something to look at on a future tough day. 
I’ll add too that reading somewhere about that one particular therapist he has that seems to undermine his progress...well, that is appalling and immensely irresponsible. I think there must be a type of governing body to file a complaint with, perhaps through his competent therapist. I believe I would call them and kindly ask them to refer you to their evidence base of practices; request journal studies that are published in respectable British Medical Journals. This should alert them they are being monitored. I will hush on this now as I don’t want to overstep. It did make me livid to read of your experience and I have difficulty not speaking out about incompetent practices. 
 

Yes, I think you should give the patches a go! I used them with good results. I used each phase about 2 weeks longer than recommended. It might be a bit rough going from gum or lozenges to them initially. I started with the patch and used the gum to supplement at the start. I only had 1-2 pieces a day for a couple of weeks, then very sporadically. I still have some though it is likely hard as a brick! I have had some in my bag all along. No harm. I promised myself I will have that before I buy smokes again. Some days are still one day at a time for me. Not all, but some. I am deeply affected by a variety of issues that plague our society and there are days I could let my addict voice talk me into smoking as things seem hopeless at times. I recognize the rationalization and carry on, usually with a plan for a walk or some form of nature escape. I guess my point is, there are things that the more we resist, the more they persist. Addiction can be one of those. I found embracing it and being honest with myself about the rationalizations and such is more helpful. There are some that actually make me laugh out loud at myself and that is always fun! joy Anyway...steady goes. Keep the faith in yourself. And know that across the pond, I have faith in you too!

Thank you again for reaching out. The hug you sent came at a perfect time and was embraced fully. It did make my day. Here is one back to you too! 
 

Hope to speak soon!

Lore blush

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

May-7

As promised...here in my Stepson’s neighborhood in Seattle, this is what I ran across. Of course I thought of you and Katie! It was very fun to see. 
It was a perfect day when I saw this, all blooms and sun and fresh smells. I wanted badly to enter it and transform myself into a Super Hero. I knew that wouldn’t happen, but it did make me spin tales of adventure in my mind!

CC to KatieKat84
KatieKat84

From: KatieKat84

May-8

Hahaha Lore I love this! Just the idea of you stumbling upon a UK telephone box in Seattle and thinking of me and Suzy :) So funny! 

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

May-8

Right?? I loved it! And how could I not think of you two??

Do they still have them like this there? It’s quite nice!

KatieKat84

From: KatieKat84

May-8

Yes we do still have lots of them and that looks like a genuine one - maybe it teleported over there?!

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

May-11

Oh Lore - thank you for the hug, and for your messages.  I've only just seen them now as I've had my niece staying - she's quite a traveller and hardly ever in the UK, so I didn't want to miss any of it.

Your explanation of the family tree was perfectly clear, and how lovely that you are so close to your stepson.  Maybe I'll meet him and your daughter when I come to visit - oh yes, you've done it now - I am already making plans relaxed.    Seriously, of COURSE I'll let you know if we ever do get to your neck of the woods.  I hope we do, but I do feel a bit as if everything is on hold at the moment until my son is more stable. I also do need to live my life and have fun, though, and so does Mike (who never wanted children but is a wonderful stepdad all the same).

I'm glad you share my views about the therapist - I have felt furious, but at the same time not sure if I was being overly emotional or controlling.   I do think she meant well, but was completely out of her depth, and really confused him.  

At the moment, he is feeling good and has even joined a gym, which is a first.   He has another appointment with his psychiatrist this evening so we'll see what happens there, but I'm trying not to get too bound up in it all - it is what it is, and there's not much I can do except be there and listen.  I've spent 10 years trying to fix things, and am coming round to the idea that it's impossible for me to do it for him, and probably isn't mine to fix in the first place.    I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but I'm feeling much calmer - even a bit liberated - and your phrase "there are things that the more we resist, the more they persist" really resonated with me!  

With smoking thoughts, the most absurd rationalisation I've had lately is "I don't feel as if I've said a proper 'goodbye' to cigarettes".  It'd be like deciding to go back to an abusive ex-partner for a nice night out - completely ridiculous (although I did indeed do that with an abusive ex-partner, and got stuck for another four years - I DEFINITELY don't want that to happen with smoking!!).

Thank you for the picture of the phone box.  We don't have so many of them like that here any more - they're often chrome, glass and plastic these days, and I'm not sure I'd even know how to use one!  As for transforming yourself into a superhero, there's no need for that - you already are one, in my book.

Suzy x

  • Edited May 11, 2021 12:42 pm  by  Suzy2018
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