Wow!

Thanks for taking the time to respond to my post. Much of what you are saying is in line with my attitude, efforts and acceptance of the smoking. Yea, the addiction is what it is all about. Be it any other addictive substance, we give up our freedom for why?  I don't think we can give it a reason, it's just simple insanity. 

Looking  back I often wonder why I did not stay smoke free for as many attempts I tried. The rational me was ready to make a change but  the irrational self took over and dominated any efforts I was making. 

Over the years I have overcome other addictions such as alcohol and drugs but nothing compares to my nicotine. As I sit here writing this post drinking strong coffee and pounding down several cigerettes an hour, getting ready to quit tommorow. 

I can't say that I am any more prepared than previous quits. As Allen Carr says willpower doesn't work. The last 60 day abstence I was confident that it was my time. i'm afraid, though, that I was using willpower. So what is the secret? 

Addiction is my lifetime enemy no matter how it manifests itself. I can accept this but need to build a strong defense to deal with the long term. This mindset will always be there but know that I will get stronger over time. One day at a time.

I big part for me is self love. Do I allow this to dominate the rest of my life? Do I value myself enough to make and stick to my commitment? I love my life today and fear anything that may get in the way.

Again Loreficent, thank you for responding to my post. I feel that your care and your compassion for all of us is wonderful.

Good day,

Andrew

My pleasure Andrew!
We are all in this together. When you think about the bond we all have here, it is empowering to know there are folks who just get it. That was another huge thing for me, and still is. So hard to feel accepted and understood by those who have never smoked, even with all of their good intentions. There is always that small voice in the head thinking “yeah, you don’t really understand “. But here there is camaraderie, and perhaps most importantly, no judgement. 

It’s an added level of difficulty living with a smoker as you do. That’s certainly a point the addict voice inside would really take as fuel, right? And when you think about it, their addict voice uses your quit as fuel also. I’m sure that there are many parts of your partner that want you to be successful in your quit! Their inner addict though? Well you are the biggest and closest threat to that. In some ways it would be wonderful for you to quit together. That adds a whole other layer of issues though too, as we’ve seen from others on here. Bottom line is, this is YOUR journey! Claim it. Own it. Dig into it. Be empowered by the challenge. Make it a journey. This slip is not the end. It’s not the start of a new journey either. It is what it is. Don’t overthink it and don’t dwell. Just get going again. There is no “right”  or “perfect”  day to stop smoking. That thought is the addict’s strongest weapon! And if I’m being honest, there are moments when it is still the strongest weapon my addict voice has. Three days ago we were on like the 10th day of grey and a lot of rain. Small thing really. But boy, the last few days I heard my addict talking. Still. That little voice trying to rationalize how there isn’t anything to do so I may as well have just one. All kinds of stuff. Really. Really? Yup. Two years in. Why? Because I’m an addict. Plain and simple. Always will be. Fortunately I was able to get my mind to tune into all the other pieces that I am and keep the addict voice in perspective. Will I always? I want to. So today I will. 
I think I got off track a bit….There is a Credence song called “Someday Never Comes”. Wow. Simple song, and of course the fact that it is Credence and who can sing like Fogerty? But that simple line “someday never comes”. I agree 100%. Willpower won’t win. It’s good to dig in and start, but you gotta have some other tools at the ready to take over. Someday never will come. We will always be addicts. Always. I can’t tell you how many heroin addicts I’ve seen that will tell you that stopping heroin was nothing compared to stopping cigarettes. You mentioned a drug addiction and how addiction is your lifetime enemy. It’s a tough card to hold in your hand. You seem to have had a way to play that card in the past though! So you still do. Maybe this is the last and final battle with the destructive addictive substance. But as we all know, the addict will still be there in us. That, in itself, is a key. Keep learning about it. Keep talking to it. Keep accepting it. Find a way to make friends. It’s been your enemy for a long time. Make peace and be friends. Someday never comes. 
 

Thank you for your kind words. They made my day! Please keep on keeping on. You are worth it. Now that whole self love thing, well, that’s another thing I could ramble on about! Next time. It does deserve some thinking and writing about maybe. Maybe that will help.

You are stronger than you know. Don’t ever stop growing! For me it’s never grow up, haha!

Anthony

I see you started another quit?  How are you doing with it this time?  

Kathy

Andrew

Have you gotten back on your quit?  This is really hard but, you need to congratulate yourself for the time you have that was not smoking.  Start right back in and quit again!  

Having a smoker in your life, especially a spouse, makes this super hard.  I know that I struggled not only with the quit but, losing that one on one time with my spouse that chose not to quit.  things still are not the same there and that is hard.  However, I will hit 9 months next week since I quit so, it can be done.  Mostly, I do not go hang out with my spouse where he smokes......and honestly, it is hard at work to go anywhere with my boss who also smokes..........I feel somedays like I am reinventing my life!  Some things have to be done though and nothing really out weighs the benefits that come from quitting smoking so it is worth it.

Good luck and always know that if you type with 2 hands, you can't smoke while typing......so vent away on here, yell, call out for help!

Kathy

Hi Kathy,

I love that! “Reinventing my life”

We are! It’s so exciting too, right? Giving ourselves the chance to do things that most of us have not done in so long. So fabulous. I still haven’t come across anyone here that started as an adult (if that someone is here I’m sorry I missed you), so we are really reinventing our adult lives as non-smokers.

9 months and living with a smoker. Wow! My hat is off to you! I was telling Andrew how people who have never smoked don’t really get it. Well, you have done something I can’t relate to in quitting whilst living with a smoker. I know Anthony has that added challenge as well. My heart goes out to you all that face that challenge of not only trying quit but also watching your loved one continue with such a destructive addiction. 
Strong work! 

Thank you Loreficent!

You know I never saw it as a problem that my wife smokes, So much time was spent with both of us smoking up a storm, talking and generally enjoying every minute sharing with her.  She is my best friend and "therapist". Not to say we will still have those times but I will have to forgo the smoking part. She is respectful of my quit by not smoking in front of me,  but she is going to have to hide the ashtrays though. That was my trigger this last relapse. It was really my fault thinking that I could have a few puffs. Wrong! A NOPE moment. 

Got a new quit date. Next Monday, April 1st. A good time to start a new month. I will have my last cig Sunday night and ceremonially grind any remaining in the disposal before I go to bed. No waking up at 2-3am and huffing a cigarette or 2 before going back to sleep. That has been my pattern for years. 

I had a breathing test yesterday at the doctor's. The therapist would not give me the results but asked me, in the past, was I a heavy smoker? I raised my hand and said NOW. I knew what he was saying. Consequences are upon me as if I didn't know. 

Yea, it's time to really quit.

Four days and my jig is up.

Good day

Andrew

***********************Please note****************************

My mistake. My last post I stated that I was going to quit on April 1st. It is actually Sunday, May 1st.  

************************************************************

Andrew....

You are doing better than you may think.  Anyone could give up at your point out of frustration and despair but you keep on keeping on.  And in the game of quitting smoking that MATTERS.  I am still using 6 lozenges a day, but some days I have 3 or 4 instead.  Its not a full quit.  But I am cutting back here and there hoping these small slow steps forward will eventually lead to a quit!

Having a few 2 month quit successes is definitely something to be proud of!  You are building resistance.  Even if you go one day quit, one day 3 or 4, 2 days quit, one day 2 or 3, a few days quit.  It may sound half assed but that is where I am at with the lozenges.  Some of them I only suck on for 10 seconds then spit out!  I am building a mindset that I don't need them as much as I think I do.  To me... It is better than being quit 2 weeks then back on 2 weeks.  Today I only had 3.  Tomorrow I may aim for 3 again then hope to get down to 2.

This may be one way to approach quitting:  cutting down to quit.  Does this sound good to anyone?  I have a good friend who smokes this way.  She keeps a pack of cigarettes in her car but she only smokes 1 or 2 a day. Some days she does not smoke at all.

At my point Andrew... I am too insecure to quit completely but feel that if I can go from 6 lozenges a day to 3 a day, this may be good enough for me... At least for now!  In no way am i encouraging you to give up quitting but hoping that I offer you a cut down to quit program.

Small steps slowly in the right direction instead of on and off successes. It might take you longer but in that cutting down period you may read more, do more, develop new ways of coping, build better habits and slowly and gradually use your new ways to replace the old ones!  It is more hopeful than it appears to be!  You already have several quits under your belt.

I will keep you and everyone else posted on my cutting down.  With getting adjusted to new facets in my life I don't always need 6 lozenges.  And sucking on on one for 10 seconds is better than 20 minutes!  Smoking only a few puffs or just half of the cigarette would be the equivalent.

Hope this piece of my approach can help you Andrew#

Andrew

I kind of noticed that and just laughed.  I am always working on last year, last month, etc so I am always typing the wrong month and year.

Good luck to you

Kathy