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I just turned Fox off. Getting so tired of all the terrible news these days.
Bored most of my life. I grew up in the 60's and 70's when things changed so radically for us in the USA. I was an up and coming 13-year-old flower child in California. Hitchhiked around SFO Bay area playing my harmonica, eating San Francisco sourdough bread, going to be-ins, hanging with the hippies. Learned to play guitar at age 14 and performed blues in coffee houses around Menlo Park and Stanford University. I was quite the kid.
I lived in a place called Portola Valley and we lived in the foothills of the Santa Cruz mountains. Absolutely beautiful! The fog would come rolling down the mountains every night and I would sit watching this beauty of nature while composing instrumental music. I would become a very talented musician into my teens and 20. Beyond guitar and harp I taught myself banjo, piano and tried several other instruments along the way. I wanted to a one-man band (story of my personal life). I was introverted and lacked much of any self-confidence. but I could sure play a mean guitar.
Even as talented as I was, I suffered from boredom and depression. Not real good family life so I sat in my room for years playing my guitar. Went to school and played guitar. That was it. Today I just play the piano for myself but still suffer from depression and boredom That's where smoking comes in.
I have used tobacco (and other substances) to relieve my mental health tendencies. Everything except tobacco has been eliminated from my life. I am a grateful recovering hippie and live a very normal and peaceful life in retirement.
And I am quite hopeful that I will overcome this last vice......... I don't hope, I KNOW.
For some reason I am still up and watching Batman Begins. I remember loving the series Batman (with Adam West) when I was really young (like 4) and making my mom sit with me because even though I loved it, I was scared too. Pretty funny. And yes, the news is terrible now-a-days. I just heard this morning about some idiot in Vegas leaving his 3 month old husky puppy in the car while he was gambling. They arrested him...hopefully he gets the longest time possible. A$$hole!
Your posts always make me smile for sure and I enjoy reading them. Your growing up story is really interesting (even if you think it isn't). I've been to California quite a few times. What brought you to Florida?
When I was about 11, my dad decided I should take organ lessons. I really didn't enjoy it too much.. would have enjoyed piano much more. But I did what he wanted. I was in a band from when I was 15 to about 25 playing keyboards. I have not touched them since. I really didn't have a passion for it even though I love music. Since I know you love music too, letting you know who my favs are: Rush (#1), 80s (Journey, Def Leppard, Yes, Queen) and now country (Toby Keith, Luke Combs, Martina McBride) and old country like John Denver and George Jones. We live in the country so we are usually blasting music by a campfire.
I appreciate your honesty in what you have overcome. I still struggle with alcohol, but we'll leave that topic for another day.
Woke up this morning, got a cup of coffee. Immediately plugged into Utube and found a new tune from Foreplay/Bob James called Silver. I was so charged up I had to start dancing in my chair. Music can affect me in such magical ways!
Actually, I have had a remarkable life. Unfortunately, the depression has clouded my memories and it's rare that I even talk about those times anymore. I am proud to have taught myself the music, I was born with many gifts one of which was/is the music.
I'll give you a short synopsis of the life and times of Andrew Elliott.
Born in Cleveland 1954. Pittsburg PA until 9. California till 13. St. Louis till 18. Minneapolis, Key Largo, Austin TX, Orlando - 5 colleges in 10 years, Art & Design, Social Science, Business - no degree. Bi-polar '83. Married twice, no kids. Depression mostly, trust fund kid, freedom.
As you can see, I made the rounds. People would ask me Where are you going? I would reply "Ï don't know but I'll know when I get there". I never got there so as a result I have been lost most of my life. All the while accomplishing so many incredible things along the way, but I never gave myself credit for those things. Depression permeated my being, I lost touch with all spirituality and only tolerated life.
This smoking thing has been one of the biggest challenges that I have ever encountered. I have fought my addictions and won (for today) over them. I was a druggie and later an alcoholic, big time. I had a stroke and landed in ICU/Life Support, breathing machine and finally Hospice. I was on my final lap and then suddenly I came back to life. My wife rescued me and took me home. There I slowly recovered. And here I am today. No drink, no drug but cigarettes YES.
It is my time to get rid of this thing I have hung on to because I am simply an addict. Today and forever, I will crave my substances. Life was not meant to be overshadowed by such unnatural states. I wish I would have known this as a teenager. I would have known where my destinations were and would probably be on stage creating from my soul.
And so, it goes. My life is better than I ever imagined it could be. Thank the Lord who makes all of this happen.
Dancing in the morning.
can't find it -please send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org
Are you there? I would love to talk if you want.
Sorry I missed your message. I turned in early last night as I had meetings for work all morning. Hope everything is going well for you today!
Hey Cindi -
Yes, doing well today. Up late last night. Took a break from my wife - we had a stupid disagreement and I just left to cool off. Got back a 10 when she was about to go to sleep. I bought her a scratch off (she loves her scratch offs) then emailed her a love note. She got both this morning. Everything is ok today.
Guess what? I have decided to strip the epoxy from the counter tops. I really did a bad coating job; guess I will leave them be. I have plenty other projects to do. I'll send you some pictures soon.
Considered getting a pack last night. And that's as far as it went, considered. Again, I repeat in my head, "I just don't smoke anymore" PERIOD! i Went for an extended golf cart ride and ended up at the lake where me and Rascal used to play Frisbee and root around the bushes looking for geckos. I still miss him so much that I almost start crying.
Stress and relapse.
To all that are confronted with stressful situations, hang tight and divert to something else. Walk, run, drive, pray or anything to readjust your state of mind. Really anything that takes you away from those cravings is important. Be patient and they will go away. Fortunately, I live mostly a stress-free life, don't work anymore and do not have anybody or anything hanging over my head.
Most of do not have that luxury and need to find something to fight the cravings. Denium posts a slew of affirmations every once and awhile. I find these to be helpful when I am craving a cig. Also reading the millions of posts on this site is extremely helpful. Everyone is trying to quit and have different approaches to fighting this war with nicotine.
I try to keep my posts brief, so people will actually read them.
Lots of wisdom out there. This site is great! Take advantage of this opportunity to fight your battle with king nicotine.
Strong work Andrew!
Where willpower and emotion collide, emotion will always win.
You are correct there are a ton of tools at our disposal. The addict voice will do all in it’s power to rationalise not utilising them. It takes a mix of things for sure.
Look at each crave as “what recipe am I going to give this one?”
Do not taint your newfound joy. It will only bring despondence, remorse, and deep deep regret.
I smoked yesterday. I smoked 5 cigarettes then woke up with a bad headache. I appreciate your wisdom. Wish I could say something more positive. I am going through a bad time. Lozenges used to satisfy me. Now I crave the physical action of smoking. The inhaling and exhaling. Good for you Andrew! You are doing amazing! Will write more when I have time!
Hey Jerthie: Mon,Aug1,2022
Oh, actually I envy you. How many times I have dreamt of taking a big drag on my high tar and nicotine Marlboros. I used to think that was pleasurable (and it really was) but in my current attempt to change to the belief that smoking does absolutely nothing for you (me). Per Allen Car "The Easy Way to Quit Smoking". He says this and several other myths that we believe are undeniably a part the psychology of the, what he calls, the smoking trap. We have all been brainwashed into thinking smoking is cool, helps us in weight control, reduces stress and aids in concentration and many more un-truths.
I can't lie, I loved to smoke. I don't care what Carr says. It takes more than awareness to tackle this program. It took my almost dying from a medication overdose and drinking, not to mention the cigarette smoking. They called it a stroke but In any case, it required that I change my lifestyle, big time. At the time I was unwilling to quit the smoking. It took 3 more years later for me to wake up. I found Delphi and the rest is history.
You must admit that this an incredible site. People who are going through the same stuff and truly care about you and your smoking. All good folks that support one and another in an encouraging and constructive manner. We are all very lucky to have found each other.
Dancin' to Earth, Wind and Fire....