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To me 2   Quit Support

Started Jun-26 by candrew; 12878 views.
candrew

From: candrew

Jul-15

Jerthie:

Hey you,

I feel your helplessness. You can't seem to break loose from the addiction. Not even for a day.

Your statement about lozenges:  "I don't like that I am using them.  But I still like using them." is what Allen Carr calls conflict of wills and he further says that willpower alone. does not work for quitting smoking (lozenges n your case). He illustrates the myths that we believe and that keep us using. The book goes beyond the "I need to quit mode" and explores the lies and deception that we tell ourselves which keep us smoking. I got a lot from his book it is well worth reading.

It would drive me crazy negotiating each day when I was going to use the lozenges. when I wasn't and if I did use the mental anguish would be unbearable. 

I'm a black and white guy meaning it's either on or off. There is no middle ground. If I am going to quit smoking, I will not smoke at all unless I relapse in which case, I won't go back to quit mode until I am prepared to fully quit. That may be days or weeks out, but it is a promise that I make to myself. I hate breaking promises, especially to myself. 

Stay honest, even if may be embarrassing and self-loathing. You are only human and need to lighten up on yourself.  I say, you will get it when you are ready. Believe me it took decades for me to wakeup.

Good day,

Andrew

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Jerthie123

From: Jerthie123

Jul-15

Thanks Andrew.  On my break at work but wanted to share with all of you some lyrics which are helping me reduce my lozenges intake.

I am talking to the lozenges:

Oh simple thing,

Where have you gone?

I'm getting tired and I need something to lean on...

Oh tell me when

You'll let me go...

I don't know how much longer I can go on...

Without you, I may be blue

But perhaps that is already how I feel about you

Sorry peeps gotta cut this short I gotta get back to work.

candrew

From: candrew

Jul-15

work, work, work

when do you play?

the lozenges will never let you go unless you let them go

let go, let God

ask for help and you will overcome

Andrew

Jerthie123

From: Jerthie123

Jul-15

Oh Andrew- work is my play!  I am catching up on making too many bad turns in my life!  Having bipolar disorder, I was hospitalized in my 20s and 30s.  I never married, had many broken relationships, got let go of various jobs, never owned a home lol, etc. It sounds like I am throwing a pity party, but I no longer regret the life I lived the way I used to! But now... On the right medication, I am stabilizing and working towards a position in Cosmetics management. And to be a Cosmetics manager, I need to put in the work!

But I do hear you Andrew. Play is necessary too! Hopping on this forum is my playtime! I am feeling excited tonight!  Whenever I would spend time in hospital, I would hang out in the smoking lounge... Smoke with other patients and watch trash TV. I remember there was literally a grey cloud in that little room. No ventilation and just a bunch of us commiserating and romanticizing our mental health.  This was all through 1996-2006.

Now I am working on my mental health. I used to write tonnes of poetry. So those lyrics are about cigarettes. The cigarette is the "simple thing" I would always lean on. Oh simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting tired.. I need something to lean on.  It might sound like I am romancing the cigarette and I know I am, but melancholy is helping me!  It's me and my "weird luck."

I will play here Andrew... And write another lyric for you all to see how I am coping with my quit.  This is spontaneous now.

Oh tell me when...

I will let go... 

I'm getting tired of this show...

I call my life...

Picture perfect...

But no one really knows..

How I rely on you... 

My life is a show...

Til tomorrow!  I reduced by 2 today.  Night all.

candrew

From: candrew

Jul-16

Hey kiddo,

I really appreciate your candidness.

Having been diagnosed manic depressive (Bipolar Affective Disorder) in 1986 I understand what you have been through.  Over the years, I have had several severe episodes, I mean severe. I could blow you away with some my stories. Fortunately. I have been stabilized on meds for over the years.

I like yourself have led a not-so-normal life. Couldn't stay in one place very long. Traveled the country looking for what I can't tell you. Spent countless months in mental health venues. Short term employment history, attended 5 different colleges with no degree, married a woman I met in one of the "venues", divorced 5 years later. Never had any children, one of my biggest regrets.

Enough of that stuff.

Currently married to someone who "rescued" from near insanity some 15 years ago. I now live a predictable and peaceful life. Actually, I very much love my life today. People see the positive energy in me. I am living a renaissance of 'my life. Each day is savored and I take nothing for granted. 

Quitting smoking has been a huge challenge for me. I have fought several other addictions and won but smoking has been the worst of them all. I have learned much about myself in this process.  I am glad I found the Delphi site; I really enjoy interacting with everyone all over the world with the same issues. 

Creativity is so important to the soul.  I encourage you to keep writing from your heart. I love writing, art & music and have been creative most of my life. I don't know what I would do without my music on Utube. As you may know I love to dance and can be seen in public moving with the music blaring in my earbuds. 

One has to find those positive outlets otherwise we "dry up" inside, like my flowers if I don't keep them watered. We need to feed our souls and spread our spirit out to the world. Am I making any sense? 

Good day (night)

Andrew

Jerthie123

From: Jerthie123

Jul-16

Andrew... Thank you for sharing!  I really want you to do some form of public speaking ... Not just on addiction, but also mental health and using art forms as a way to deal with symptoms. You have come a long, long way. Your story helped to keep me on track this morning. I almost caved to smokes not just lozenges. I actually made it to the gas station and parked my car in front. Literally salivating and fantasizing a smoke not a lozenge. I have a lot going on. You are right about what you said yesterday. I need to play. My work and newfound go getter mentality has me wound up. When I get this way I want to do do do. And then I become anxious when I have to tick things off my list. For now I will end with another spontaneous lyric!

I can get on just fine without you...

Pray for something else to do...

Bake bread or something new...

To become I must just do...

Only bit by bit to get rid of you-

Nagging me and rushing me to be perfect

But today deep down I knew

That I would win and now I am finding something new... Perfection is hard to do

And so I will bake bread and eat it too...

This is not the end of me...

But the end of you!

Good day all.

xvaper

From: xvaper

Jul-16

Thank you for sharing you story Jerthie and Candrew. Most people do not have 'Normal Life' you just don't know it.. Although I struggle with depression I never dealt with the kind of challenges you have, but hearing you stories makes me more comfortable to speak about mine to other people. I think both of you can quit the nicotine for good, both of you have it in you.

Join!

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candrew

From: candrew

Jul-16

Good job, good message.

Maybe I'll try to put a melody to the words.

Interesting thought, doing a talk on your adventures. I've been thinking of doing something similar. It has been a crazy life. I have lots of incredible things to share with the world. I'll forward you an outline when I I decide what I might want to say.

Dancin' thru the day.

Good day,

Andrew

Denim50

From: Denim50

Jul-18

Hey Andrew, 

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your very kind message and support. It is greatly appreciated, thank you! relaxed 

Big congratulations to you on those 2+ months. That a terrific accomplishment. It's also great to see you staying so close to the forum, seeking support, lending support, and sharing your journey with others. 

Like you, I smoked for multiple decades too and had more than one attempt at quitting before joining the forum in 2018. The last prior one was in 2016 when I mistakenly thought that I could have 'just one'. Then I found myself here in 2018 trying to quit again. Thankfully the forum is a truly amazing place for help with smoking cessation and for support, which is so wonderful. The people on this forum have been and still are amazing. I love the way we all support and cheer each other on and I'm glad to see that continuing. Terry often referred to our members of the forum as the forumily (forum family). I think that's a great description of all of the amazing quit-buddies we have here, including you. 

I'm sorry I'm late responding. I'm trying to catch up on a few posts I've missed recently after being off for a little bit. 

I'm so sorry to hear about Rascal. I'm so glad though for the happy memories you have to hold onto. Those moments and memories will no doubt continue to live in your heart and bring some comfort and hopefully smiles for years to come. 

It's great that you're finding so many ways to use distractions on your journey. They're a great help and music was a great one for me too. I see the same is true for Lore. It's good that you like working with your hands too and that you have such terrific projects lined up to keep them busy. I'm sure the kitchen will be lovely when finished. I see you've been getting in a bit of walking too. That's not only a wonderful distraction but also great exercise. 

It's really good to see you staying with your quit. That's so important and one of the best decisions we can make for ourselves. It's also good to hear your determination. That's half the battle. I'm so happy for you and the progress that you're making. Keep posting, keep going, and yay you on those two plus months smoke free! tada 

Again, I apologize for not getting to this sooner but way to go Andrew! Best wishes as you continue on your smoke free journey. 

Have a great day. relaxed 

 

P.S. 

Another thing you might want to think about, both as a distraction and also as way to eventually look back at how far you've come, would be to start a journal on the forum. If that's something you might be interested in, you can start your journal by creating a journal thread under the 'Quit Stories and Journals' heading in the menu. If you would rather not, you can also read other quit-buddies journals there. Many of them are truly inspiring too. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it. I hope you have a wonderful week. 

candrew

From: candrew

Jul-19

Hey Denim:

I can't sleep tonight so I decided I would send you a reply to your wonderful post. I want to thank you for your sensitive thoughts and feelings. I can't tell you how much this site means to me and all of the great folks that I have met.  They have been invaluable to my journey. We are all addicts trying to overcome this horrible condition and it is so important to have others that understand. 

You really touched me with your observations about my dog. He was the only dog I have ever had, and I miss him terribly. My wife and I have decided we are going to get another soon. That should ease the pain that I feel every day that he has been gone. 

Your post was so meaningful. You connected with everything that I talked about. It's almost like we have been friends for a long time. I was really impressed with you, and it takes people like yourself to make a difference for others in a special way. 

 Yes, music has been a savior all of my life. I sat playing my piano today and it was almost a spiritual experience. In fact, this process of quitting smoking has opened me up to new feelings that I never knew existed. It's simply a matter of taking care of oneself, much like my quitting drinking 5 years ago. Such self-destructive behavior is so unnecessary in the short amount of time we have on this earth. 

I enjoy staying busy. I have been gifted with many talents that allow me to do incredible things with music, art, writing and anything else that I have attempted. 

There is not enough time in the day to do what I want to do and thank the Lord for everything I have in this life today and beyond. This "forumily" is one of those things.

Again, thanks for what you do.

Good day (or night)

Andrew

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