Instead of taking a lozenge at this time and healing backwards, I am going to heal from trying to be perfect, share my story, and help others heal forward. It's no longer about me and my plans. This is about others now and being the whole person God wants me to be on His eyes and not my own selfish vision, which is caught up with the worldly ideal of being skinny and pretty. What would another lozenge at this time do for me, but block out the uncomfortable emotions I am feeling, so I don't have to deal with them, and instead keep moving along my to-do list trying to accomplish more stuff just to appease the vanity in my head. And now I can see that it was vanity and lack of self awareness. God, there is a new light in my life! And it gets lit from within me when I focus on how I can help others versus how pretty and skinny I can look. By taking a lozenges now, I could appease my addiction to nicotine, be better for the next thing but in doing so, heal backwards. With new insight, I can now do something else instead which is share my story and in doing so, help others heal forwards! Nicotine does not heal! It hinders us from healing our own pain and discomfort, whatever that may be! So I will continue to reduce to eventually quit nicotine for good, so I can continue to heal and truly become the whole person God intends for me to be versus the vain image of a skinny and pretty girl I try to be! And in so doing help myself and in the process, others to heal forwards!