Hi Elyna,

I know it's been a few days and I hope you are still here and smoke free.  I know it's a tough road but we are all here to help you and each other.  Please check in when you get a chance.

Hi Cindi,

I am actually doing very good. These last few days have been good. Actually, now it's a little over six in the morning and i am on my way to the gym. So I feel good.

Thank you for asking about me!

Hi Elyna3,

That you are here and wanting to quit despite the circumstances you find yourself in is admirable. Most people would not even try to take on a quit. and that is the most important step to quitting. Wanting to. It sounds banal but it really isn't. From your posts I get the impression that you really do want to quit and I believe you can do it. Not only that, it will help you to cope with the challenges you face because you will not have to worry about feeding an addiction that ruins your health and robs your piano lessons money away from you, on top of everything else you are dealing with. You will have more energy and clearer mind. Update us!

Thank you so much xvaper. Unfortunately, things suddenly took a wrong turn and I cannot believe the poor decisions I have been making.

I got covid and the first thing I did was to smoke. I realize how incredible dumb this is and I cannot believe how poor decisions I have made. I was terrified of infecting my family. But yesterday, after talking to my aunts doctor, my aunt who lives next door got infected, i was relieved and managed to put down the cigarettes. Her doctor was not worried about her having covid. 

I have been so worried, I smoked probably 30 a day despite coughing and feeling it affect my lungs. It's been five days. The covid is better, now Im only tired, coughing and some pain in my chest. I have a doctors appointment next Wednesday and I dread telling her how poor decisions I have made. I feel ashamed and utterly incapable of taking care of myself when sick. 

I don't know how I could be sick and smoke. But the sicker I got and the more worried I got, the more I smoked. Even though I knew it could make the covid worse. 

I don't know what is wrong with me to make such a bad decision. But now Im back on the patch and chewing gum. I feel like such a failure.

I can relate. You think the cigarettes are giving you relief from whatever you suffering from, but they are not healing you. They are only feeding the hole that was left there by the previous cigarette you smoked. So the hole gets filled, but then it creates another hole or that same hole just gets bigger. You suffer more and then feel that the only thing that will take away the suffering is another cigarette. So you smoke another one, but again it only feeds the addiction for a minute while at the same time increasing the need more for the next cigarette.

This you probably know, but it doesn't hurt to read it over again in words, to remind ourselves about how devious and horrible this addiction is.

The good news is that you put the smokes away. You put them down and got back on the patch. So I applaud you for that. That took courage and that took strength. Take that resolve with you into your next couple of days. You will get through this and I am praying for you!

Thank you so much! I already feel much better in my chest after I quit smoking. Today I was able to go on two walks. I did manage to put them away, so I have to think that I did something right. Thank you.

Oh yeah!!! You most certainly did do the right thing - putting down those smokes.  And do not punish yourself - there are millions of people who still cannot even think quitting smoking let alone actually do it.   It's not your fault.  You are fighting against years of brainwashing by the most insidious marketing plan developed over almost a hundred years by groups of extremely intelligent people who benefited from the smoking and dieing population. 

But you are so strong that you have seen the truth and now you are fighting to win your life back.  Well done - good for you!   This is no easy feat.   Every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month and for years to come, you will grow stronger and stronger.  Build it up to win your fight to a smokefree lifestyle.  You deserve it, it was always yours until they took it away from you .  Now its time to take your life back.  You are in control and you can do this.    They won't make it easy for you but you can outwit, outrun and outdo those nasty disgusting cigarettes once and for all.  JUST DONT SMOKE.  

Stick with us - post often, we are here to fight with you for you.   Big warm sunshine hug just for you Elyna.

Couldn't have said it better.

Elyna,

Please please do not berate yourself. Self deprecation is exactly what an addiction needs, a weak link. The brain will 'say', here, the cigarette will make it better, will console you.

I will address lines from your post..

"But the sicker I got and the more worried I got, the more I smoked" - You smoked because getting the covid stressed you, and you have been conditioned, like all of us, to see smoking as a stress reliever, a buddy, a comforter. It is of course none of these things. It is pure and simple a powerful addiction to a chemical.

"what is wrong with me" - Nothing. like all of us you fell pray to an addictive substance, possibly the most addictive known to man. 

" cannot believe how poor decisions I have made" - Many people stumble at the first couple of attempts. It's a learning experience, now you know.

"I feel ashamed and utterly incapable of taking care of myself" - No shame here. The addiction is powerful. You actually should be proud. You faced the facts about smoking head on, not hurrying your head and the sand any longer. You are on your way to a successful quit, even if it does not seems like that now. I can tell that because I hear from your post that you really genuinely want to quit, and that's half the battle.

Keep posting, we are here for you.