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Thoughts waking up   Introductions/Newcomers Nook

Started Jan-10 by feafee78; 143 views.

From: feafee78


Today I woke up on day 6 thinking about a post my dad shared on Facebook last night. It was an article a dad put out in a newspaper when his daughter overdosed on heroin. It was so sad to read about him wishing he’d been able to stop her from using and how heartbroken he was that she’d gone back to it after promising him she never would again. I actually looked the story up to know if it was true and sadly it was. 

It made me cry because we lost my sister to alcoholism 3 years ago next month. She was only 42 years old. She just kept drinking so much everyday that her organs slowly shut down. We had to take her off life support on my daughter’s birthday. I couldn’t believe she’d chosen to keep drinking, knowing that it was ruining her body. I hadn’t had a cigarette in 2 years, but immediately wanted one. I told my brother about it, but said I wouldn’t have one because I didn’t want to be the next family member with people around my bed as I died of something completely preventable that I chose to do to myself. I made it past her memorial service before deciding I could smoke for just 1 week. Then COVID hit and I told myself I’d wait at least until I was vaccinated. Long story short, I got back to smoking regularly and now find myself struggling. I was REALLY struggling last night, so I was thankful to wake up with that story in my head, as sad as it makes me.

I can only imagine how upset my family would be if they knew I’ve been smoking this past year and it hurts to think about it. I don’t want to be a smoker for so many reasons. This is just one of them, but it’s a big one for me.