My smoking dreams were so real that I had to question myself when I woke up to confirm that it was just a dream.  I didn't smoke.  Bummer is that in my dream, I really enjoyed the smoke.  Yuk, euw, plah.  

What a joke that is.  Smoking is not enjoyable at all. 

I must have been watching to many old movies.  Yuk, euw, plah. 

Jerthie,

I haven’t been here much and just saw your message. You actually wrote on my birthday, lol. 
I hope you’re doing better than you were when you wrote. I can’t imagine working with people who smoke regularly. I think I’m fortunate to be in California where there’s so many restrictions on where people can smoke. I used to be annoyed by that!

It sounds like the temptation of smoking has really crept up on you. It might be best to not worry as much about 10 lozenges if that is what helps you to not smoke. Get to a place where you can drop those another time. You just have to be ready to. For now, focus on not smoking!

Jenny

Lisa,

I’m not doing very good with private messages since I don’t get a notification about them. I wonder if there’s a setting to change that.

I’m leaving for Europe on the 5th and so looking forward to it! I think I’m going to do really well with everything I’ve been doing to be in good shape for it, so I’m pretty excited. 
I hope you find a balance (pun slightly intended) with your PT between the vestibular and the exercises. I know some of the stuff for my hip really set off stuff for my sciatica and back. It’s like some kind of sick game of Jenga. Move the wrong thing and it all falls down.

I hope things are well with you. I’m so happy to be in the summer!

Jenny

Thanks Jenny! I agree with everything you said. The priority for me is to not smoke. Last weekend I smoked one on Saturday and one on Sunday. This week I have not smoked. My lozenge intake has went from 12 a day to 6 day back to 12 a day back to once again, 6 a day. Anne gave me some great words and thoughts for me to carry around as I decide what I want to do about this addiction. She said I get to define... Me. I can choose what I want instead of thinking about what I need. Made me realize that I do have to want it and that I can define it. I have power. I have control. I can regain my courage and my spirit! What great words. Now I will carry on while meditating on those thoughts. It is not just prayer that will help out, but my own will to be déterminéd and have courage. Will keep you all posted. No solid promises yet, but doing better than last week, oh and HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY Jenny!!! Hope you had a wonderful day doll face.

Really struggling the last few days. Had some rough stuff come up at home and I’m waking up crying, going to bed crying and hiding in my room crying throughout the day. It’s left me with some thoughts of hiding in cigarettes. Would it let me drown some pain? Give me something to do other than cry? Each day that’s going by I feel the pull more, so figured I’d just come here and put it out there.
I know the answer is that the sadness will pass without smoking and I won’t be left with the horror of being addicted all over again. There really isn’t anything smoking would do for me that I couldn’t do some other way. 

Jenny 

Hi Jenny,

I am sorry you have rough stuff going on at home.  I understand the emotional draw to smoke , but yes it wont change anything and you will have lost your almost 6 month quit .  That emotional draw to smoke is the addiction trying to fool you.

Do something else instead.  Deep breathe it out.  The more you entertain the idea of smoking the harder it is to get past it.  You don't smoke anymore.  

You got this .  Hugs.

                                                  Lisa 

Jenny, I am sorry you are going through such a trying time. I know how you feel. When I quit the lozenges last year for 2 months,  I was very sad and felt empty. I too cried. It is not easy. I wish there was something I could do to make it better. You have come so far in your quit, and I think crying it out is okay. We are all human. And smoking is an addiction that will fool us into thinking we need it, when really it does nothing for us. Have you tried journalling? That helps me a lot. I am praying for you girl. Also, you are stronger than this addiction. I know you will get over this hump. You are doing amazing with your quit, and I believe in you so much. You have definitely got this Jenny. God bless.

Thank you, Lisa. The addiction certainly does like to speak to me when I’m vulnerable. 
I need to find some other way to distract myself for a while. I know it will get better with time. Just going to be rough for a bit. I’m hanging on. 
Thank you so much for checking in

Jenny

Jerthie,

thank you for your kind words I think I may try some journaling of some kind tomorrow. I called and spoke with a friend who’s a counselor tonight and she helped me with some of the stuff that’s going on. Said I’m going through a grieving process and it will take time. Smoking certainly won’t help, for sure.

Thank you for being here!

Jenny

Good for you Jenny. A smoke free life looks amazing on you. The fact that you did not give in during such a difficult time speaks volumes. It says you are a winner, a conquerer, well able and blessed. Once you are over this hump, you will have so much joy and confidence. Praying for you to keep on keeping on. Once again Jenny, you have got this!