Hi Jenny,

Nice to hear from you !!!  Yes, I have been busier than normal recently.  I turned 58 on the 14th  and had a celebration with my BFF and then one with my son and I will have one with my older brother Friday.  Had a few appointments too .  I have been having too much pain for over a month and a half and it is wearing me down.

Did it feel kinda weird coming home after being gone for so long?  I bet you missed your cat and dog.  Is your daughter off to college soon?

Today is 197 days of not smoking for me .  That's a lot of days.  Congrats on 7 months plus !!   I think folks go into a denial (or at least I did) not thinking about the consequences while being a smoker.  The first time I tried to quit I was 30 years old.   I started as a young teenager .  I do have smoking thoughts and cravings still on and off and they seem to be tied in with an increase in  emotions especially anger and anxiety and stress.  I have no desire to be a smoker though.  I can push the thoughts and cravings quickly away and it is much easier than earlier in my quit.  Some people want to quit but just can't take that first step or don't believe they can do it or both.

Finding THE LIGHTER - yikes.   Well the heck with that thing anyways .  Give it a toss in the garbage .  You don't need it , you don't smoke anymore.    

All my just ones turned into me being a smoker again .  Same with the I will just smoke this day or at this event. It is the addiction.  We won't be fooled again !!  

I am waiting for the results of my low dose lung scan (Saved by the Scan) I had on the 11th.  The tech said they Drs were behind on reading them .  I did find out that folks can get them every year after a full year has passed.  It is a yearly preventive like a mammogram.

                                Lisa 

Yes, toss that lighter, Jenny. 

Keep trying Jerthie, and enjoy the last of your vacation. 

Belated happy birthday, Lisa. I turned 62 on the 13th. They seem to get faster each year.

Enjoy the weekend everyone. 

Paul

Hi Jerthie!

Yep, there was sadness. I really wish there was no feeling. I tried to conjure up some joy since I didn’t use that lighter anymore. Maybe there was some of that there, but the sadness kinda overwhelmed it a bit. It wasn’t like the feelings were that strong, really. Just there. A bit of a tug on my heart. 
That’s cool you were a professional actress and still do it in some way. An everyday drama queen certainly counts. It sounds like you had a fabulous week!

I think it’s awesome you keep using the lozenges instead of smoking with your coworkers. You had a couple slips in June and it’s wonderful you haven’t gone right back to regular smoking!! You’ll get there with getting rid of the lozenges when you’re ready. Sometimes you may want to remember to celebrate the battle are already winning. Don’t take it for granted.   Continue to be prepared to fight your lozenge battle. You’ve been prepping for it for a long time and you’ll kill it once you get there!

I care about you, too.  I so look forward to seeing you conquer all of these things! I’m so glad you had such a wonderful vacation and hope going back to work goes well.

Jenny  

Hi Lisa,

Happy Birthday! Sounds like you had/are having lots of of great celebrations! Also not so great times with appointments and pain. Great way to dampen birthday stuff. Bah!

It felt super weird coming home and getting back to normal. So great to see my pets!! Was hard getting back into the swing of everyday life and doing things like feeding the cats wet food and… preparing my own food. Things are back to normal now, but my daughter leaves on the 30th. We’ll fly with her and help her get into her dorm, then leave her there. Then we’ll have a new normal.

198 days for you? Almost to your 200!! You also hit your 6 months, so late congrats on that! 

My craves are almost always tied to emotions, if not always. I guess I still think smoking will make me feel better. I read once that people who start smoking very young feel that way because of some development thing. I also started as a super young teen. Well, my first cigarette was in 5th grade, but I didn’t start smoking regularly until I was 12. I also push the thoughts away and know that smoking definitely won’t make me feel better. I’ve fallen for that too many times and know it isn’t true.

I need to go throw the lighter away, for sure. I kinda don’t want to go look at it, but I know it will be some kind of empowering thing to go do. Right? I’ll see it next week when I water the plants, anyway, so there’s no avoiding it now that I uncovered it.

That has to be hard to wait for the results of your scan. They must have a lot to read if it takes them a week or more to get to yours. It’s so great they have that service and even offer it yearly! 
 

I had prednisone (steroid) for my trip and have been sad going off of it. I tell my husband I miss my “vacation body”, lol. That drug is a miracle and someone needs to come up with an alternative that doesn’t damage bones. My brother thinks all the new AI stuff will be able to come up with new medications soon. That’s a little scary, yet I find myself hopeful. My doctors are going to do another injection and are talking about trying a spinal cord stimulator if the injection doesn’t help enough. That really isn’t as scary as it sounds. If you’ve ever used a TENS unit, it’s kinda like that, but a bit more complicated.

I really hope your pain stuff calms down soon. Pain sucks.

To end on a happier note, a cool thing during out trip was when we came back on my brother’s boat from Mexico (we spent a few days down there at the end of everything)  we had a humongous pod of dolphins swim up to the boat. There had to 500+ of them! They were doing flips all over the place and swimming right alongside us. I was looking down at them from the bow, maybe 7 feet below me. It was unreal! 

And on a funny note, when border control was checking on us at 5 am as we came back to America. It was 4 or 5 am and they wanted to see all of us on the phone through video. My brother’s friend woke me up so the agent could talk to me. They looked at my passport and asked me my name. I answered, but my name didn’t sound right to me. I looked at my brother’s friend and said, “did I get that right?”  ‍?? Who says that when border control is on the phone?? I’m shocked they didn’t board us and detain us for hours. 
I still laugh when I think about that one. Has to be one of the worst things to say when being asked that question.

I hope you have a great weekend!

Jenny

Thanks Jenny, for kind words. I am going out to breakfast this morning with a friend who always makes me feel light. She is a very authentic person, which I hope will rub off on me, as I am aware that the lozenges steal my authenticity. They make me act a certain way that is planned and perfect. Whenever I reduce my intake I become more human. Idk if anyone gets what I mean? Anyhoo! Lol. I hope you have a great weekend Jenny and I could write you a more thoughtful response later. Oh about the lighter, toss it when you are ready to. Hugs!

Jerthie,

I hope you had a wonderful breakfast with your friend! It’s so nice to have a friend who you feel better when you’re with. It’s so sad to hear you feel like the lozenges make you feel like you’re less authentic. I do hope you felt better after your visit!

We’re in the last stages of getting my daughter ready for college travels. Just 9 days left. I helped her go through clothes last night. She’s getting rid of all the clothes she isn’t taking with her. She hates getting rid of clothes, so that made it really hard to go through clothes, lol. We’ll see how much of what she decided to keep she can actually fit in her dorm dresser.

I hope you are having a good Monday

Jenny

Hey Jenny... So exciting for your daughter to be leaving home for the first time. Are you a little saddened to have to let her go? I am going okay with the lozenges lately, and my breakfast with my friend was very nice. I will write more later when I have more time. God bless.

Paul,

Happy Belated Birthday to you too !!   My fellow Leo.  I love being a Leo .   The Birthdays do come faster each year .  WTH.

My lung Scan came back negative for nodules /cancer . It did show mild emphysema changes .  I think I am lucky it shows mild after all the smoking I have done in my lifetime.  I don't have symptoms of emphysema so that is good.  I did when I was still smoking so it is good I quit.

What have you been up to ?  Are you retired?

                       Lisa 

Hi Jenny, 

Are you back from taking your daughter to college or staying there for the long weekend?   I bet it is hard to leave her there.  Hugs.

I don't tolerate Prednisone . Even low doses make me absolutely insane.  I am glad it helped you with pain for your vacation.  You would think in this advanced world they could come up with something effective  for pain that doesn't cause awful side effects .  I wish that would happen soon.  I do have a tens unit but I have not used it in a  long while .  Maybe I should revisit that.   My insurance stopped paying for the electrodes a long time ago.  I hope the injection is super effective and you don't have to get a spinal cord stimulator.

Wow all those dolphins !  How wonderful.  Amazing creatures .  They are so friendly .  I petted one and fed it in the past.  My son hung out with one and swam with it when he was 16.   

Your border control experience is funny.    It was awfully early to be coherent.  At least they didn't hassle you.

I had a brief moment today where my Gollum in my brain said hey have a cigarette.  I was tempted for a sec , but got myself out of that.  Between too high of pain signals for too long and a new roof being put on next door and my neighbor behind me doing an add on construction my brain is overloaded and even more angry.  I am very noise sensitive normally and it has been worse since the concussions and vestibular issues.   

Also, my lung scan was negative for nodules,/cancer. 

                      Lisa 

I was putting my six stars after my name and I guess I hit send , so here's 5 more