Thanks Deb, its something I wanted to share because this cancer is what made us quit, and its so hard to catch early.  In future visits I'm going to ask the doctors for the best ways to catch lung, brain, and liver cancers, the 3 worse ones not to minimize pancreas or breast, etc but stage 4 in those 3 are 3-6months of suffering.  Many of the other cancers do show up in blood screens but not brain and lung!  I'm not even certain a yearly xray can spot this, my doc said mine was either with me for a full year already or was agressive, and by the fact that I had another one 2 weeks later blocking the air passage I'm thinking I've had this since 4 months as I go to my doctor every 4 months like clockwork for high blood pressure and he always listens to me breathe as an xsmoker and an angina patient, yah I've had an irregular heartbeat since I was 30, so I've always been there.  This is educational so I'll keep this post going until I'm healed and hopefully cured. I've met several that have been cured going on 6 years, but there are too many diff kinds of cancers to have that kind of wishful thinking just yet.  He told me its really bad luck, and my history with everything from asbestos to painting motorcycles to smoking put me in pretty high risk, more than an office worker for ex.  Love ya babe, thanks for stopping by!

Rich

Jenn, I know you have had a lot on your plate, I browse here often but don't post much cause I've gotten so far from the quit there comes a disconnect, hard to explain, but I'd be useless to someone trying to quit drinking since I quit almost after my batchlor party, or pretty soon after all the social gathering that took place with my wedding that was 34 years ago.

For the record, I said " stick each cig in a snow bank and take a .22 rifle and shoot them into total destruction", be more imaginative then just running the pack under water.  I had a full pack in the freezer for one year and I BBQ'ed them on the grill on my 2nd anniversary and when I found another pack behind my computer monitor (don't clean there often ;p) I opened it and put a couple of firecrackers in the center and lit and tossed it.  Wish I'd had video of that cause it was funny as hell.

You were a tough bird but I saw your determination from day one, your were just pleading just one without saying it. I wasn't your only, your other Mic angle kept us informed when you had health problems, or your fire problems, or your son problems, and you never gave up, even with nic demon sitting on your shoulder you had me and everyone else in sitting the other shoulder saying don't you give into that Jenn, we are here with you.  You went from a scared little wren to a soaring goose in the span of 2 years and I was tickled pink when you were offered mod, which at the time I had no idea how many could still take my humor or maybe less than stellar patience for those that clearly were too young to quit or didn't know where they belonged or how to communicate their fears correctly.  I can understand all that better, but I'll stick with the graphics and you and the other mods can keep giving out all those great (((hugs))) .  I think that is 3rd time in 6 years I've used that hug symbol ;p

Nikki from my group found out first reading between the lines on facebook and sent me a private IM stating whats up partner, your not feeling good, spill the beans. I was waiting for the tests to start and she was one of few that still visited during my politcal leanings for the last 14 months ;p  Anyway after the shock and awe, she renamed me Ninja Giraffe, told me I'd better fight like hell, and everyone would be with me.  My wall is packed and the only problem is I have to hid this from my elderly mother in WV which I drive down and do errands for every other weekend or more, but she insisted on following me on Facebook and if she gets wind of this it will devastate her.  She has been upset since I started at 16 and everyday until I quit she nagged me about it.  I blocked her so I can at least breathe without her knowing and told her I had pneumonia which bought me a few weeks since she didn't want to catch it off of me.  I know, white lie, but God may forgive me ;p

Your a great loving friend Jenn.  Glad our paths crossed and I'll keep you up to date in this thread.  WHO KNEW I'd ever need a journal??

Mates for life, Rich

Rich,

As one who also had a forum journal I can tell you that it really helped me in the moment and later to see how far I had come. Hopefully we will be able to read about how far into recovery from cancer you've come.
To your health,
Rick

Rich,

I sent an IM to Michele Saffari asking what was up with you. Within the same half hour you posted a more detailed account of what was going on and my heart sank. When things like this happen to good people, I completely lose whatever handle I have on life. I know you are a fighter and your outcome with be positive, but I hate the pain that you will have to endure to get there. I do not only mean physical, but also emotional. I can not help you with the physical but I have my arms open to you when it comes to the emotional.

This was such a smart move on your part to come here and post. I know it will be comforting to new quitters knowing the discomfort they are experiencing currently is well work the quit. I also hope that your journey posts will  be comforting to you.

Love you buddy!
Tina

Thanks Rick.  When I get more courage I'll go back and read your sisters', right now the less I know the less worry, I'm taking it one day at at time, or one step at a time, its pretty spaced out.  Yah, I believe you are right, a journal always helps yourself as much as it warns others. I've passed the link to FB so they can read my story and not all the double explaining.  Thanks again buddy, stay in touch.

Rich

Thanks Tina, its hard to tell anyone in a message I'm really close to, I tried to call Chele but she was burning candles at both ends so she egged it out of me in a text message, she was pissed!  Nikki picked it up next and then I went into facebook setting and blocked my mother and just started letting it out, I kinda felt betrayed at first cause like I said I go to the doc every 4 months for bp and he listens to my lungs, thats been since I was 38'ish.  Then I stuck my head into a newbies thread here and told her to quit while she could and Dee contacted me the next day in email.  We have a great thing going here, I'm glad T was able to find new digs and everyone pitched in to move alot of good info.  I hope this thread ends well and my goal will be to teach lung cancer to anyone on the fence about quitting.  Love you BIG sister.  I know you faced everything months before I did and had the same experience with Frank in your group that I had with Wayne and you never ever gave up on him.  That made an indelible impression on me forever.  Of course later we both held Jenns hands, so that has to be shared with the newcomers, its hard by gosh we know it too, but you have to quit or else...  Later my sister ;D

Rich

Thanks Janet I appreciate the kind words. I felt better today to rattle off some lines.  I'm surprised its gotten so long and there will alot more to come.  Stay tunes.  This came exactly after my 5th year, so its a reminder to all of us that led unhealthy lifestyles.  Please to meet you and take for the giraffe picture.  I probably have more of those than anyone on facebook, or close :D

Rich

Thaks Janet I had a bit of a setback today, I felt great yesterday and today I woke up with heartburn and I think constipation from taking Oxycontin'.  I had a stomach flu all day and I've always caught everything in a hospital when I go into one.  Last time I had a stomach flu was when I quit smoking!  DAng I was going to drive 150 miles to break this to my mother but cramps and heartburn and not keeping anything down all day.  Guess I'm lucky I felt this come on an hour after getting up and not on the trip.

If still this miserable tomorrow I'll go the ER.  It just dawned on me I may be allergic to the plastic chemo port, Yesterday I felt great and made a big roast for the family and really over ate, first time in 4 days of eating ;p

Today I've also been worrying about a dear friend of mine a few months behind me, pray for Anna B, she is having the top of her lung mass removed, I have no idea how she made it through the day ;(

Seeyou.

Rich