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36 hours ...sort of   Quit Stories and Journals

Started 9/4/19 by Meredith (GettinFree); 12639 views.
In reply toRe: msg 33
Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/19/19

And PLEASE don't feel bad, whoever reads all this dren, for skimming.

I know I'm going on full spew mode, and it's more about the writing than the getting it read, and it's just plain *a lot*, and I know that every stupid detail of my life is /way/ less fascinating to anyone else. Maybe I should keep it in the Notepad file, but on the other hand there's this whole vulnerable thing I'm working on this year...

So thank you for whatever you do read, and know that it's all good. <3

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

9/19/19

I read all of it and it was very cathartic thank you Meredith.  I think the very fact of knowing we’re not alone is comforting so thank you for the long post and all your honesty.  I really appreciate it.  I need to go walk or do something because I’m feeling low again.  xoxo

Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/19/19

purple_heartpurple_heartpurple_heartpurple_heartpurple_heartpurple_heartpurple_heartpurple_heartpurple_heart

Sorry you're feeling low now too...just think though, we'll get a good -- well, decent night's sleep and wake up tomorrow perky AF again. ;)

Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/20/19

Close enough. 

  • Edited September 21, 2019 5:34 am  by  slowblumer
In reply toRe: msg 33
Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/20/19

Ohohoh, becoming an ex-smoker is like having your period: lots of people know what you're going through, but not everyone, and those who don't know have no clue that there's a whole world of things about it.

Head is much calmer today. I even had a second dream in one week! This was also about school (i.e., retraining, i.e., becoming an ex-smoker), but rather than getting rejected for licensure and crying like I used to, I was getting settled in a dorm room and prepping for classes. The song Calling All Angels featured, which I take as indication to enlist the support of my Superfriends, Quan Yin, Jesus, and White Buffalo Calf Woman. Woke up with a different song in my head:

Come here. No, I won't say please. One more look at the ghost before I'm gonna make him leave.
Come here. I got the pieces here. Gonna gather up the splinters, build a casket for my tears.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRUErh47sao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3lBF2h-Pl0

In reply toRe: msg 40
Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/21/19

Said the other tings to the person (by email, what a chicken), and yeah, okay, embarrassment is a trigger for sure. I could murder a cigarette right about now.

But instead I'll murder a nicodemon, and drink some water.

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

9/21/19

Good job Meredith!  I’m drinking water right now.  Today was a little heavier on the cravings for me as well.  Just gotta make it til bedtime!  blush

In reply toRe: msg 41
Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/24/19

Welp, three weeks here in about an hour. With any luck last week's depression hole /was/ the ickiness. We shall see. 

Less active here partly because I seem to have gotten some of my ability to work back. Two days of a normal amount of work isn't yet a pattern but here's hoping. (Then I can start working on the amount of work I should be doing to pay off that resort vacation I'd bought...)

I guess that's the theme here: cautious optimism. 

And hold the perky...also why I haven't been super active. Just not much cheerleader over here the last couple days. Maybe it'll come back; maybe it won't. It's a discovery, what I've got to work with now, which bits are the real me...

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