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June 2020 Ex-Smokers    Quit Buddies Unite

Started 12/3/19 by ModDee; 17473 views.
TinyBadger

From: TinyBadger

Sep-3

Oh, I bet x is on her trip! Totally forgot about that. I hated the gum. The lozenges aren't great, but they are ok. Working a lifesaver now and praying for the best. I haven't had pop in forever and I got a hankerin for one so I got a mtn dew in the cafeteria. Needless to say it's now down the drain. That stuff is potent! And I'm so bloated and full. Sheesh. I appreciate yyour support because I felt like I was doing well and now I feel sad that I'm still on the lozenges. I want off them, I really do. I just get scared. I don't want to loose and progress here and go back to square one. I know everyone here says take as long as you need but in this case I'm ready, well, sort of. I just need to save some of them for emergencies and jump in to the water and see that it's going to be ok. I need a mantra for this scared feeling. Got a mantra for me?

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Sep-3

So I wonder if that scared feeling is still remnants of the addict? It is definitely much weaker right now than when you started but not gone. So when fear plays in my mind I do find deep breaths help. I also picture a strong core in there, something like a big old Oak tree out in the middle of the field, and I set my sights on it, take a big slow deep breath, and walk head on...put a bead on it Tiny. You know what that means right? Yeah...lower that gaze...focus...set your sights...put a bead on that fear right dead nuts center. It’s you or it. You are going in and not a damn thing is gonna stop you. You reach down and rub that Lily on your leg and know, just know, what you are made of. That fear is only one small part of you and you will not let it be in charge. You got an Oak in there. Climb it. 

TinyBadger

From: TinyBadger

Sep-3

I am crying right now. For reals. 

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Sep-3

Ohhh...well, tears are better out than in. And when you’re done you’ll soar! Mmmhmmm. Sure enough. yellow_heart
 

And yes...it’s gonna be OK. I promise. Climb, jump in, soar...do it all. Life is short friend. Life is too short. 

  • Edited September 3, 2020 8:19 pm  by  Loreficent
TinyBadger

From: TinyBadger

Sep-3

I do agree with that. Life is short. Too short. I admit it was a rough day having only 1 lozenge. I was pretty testy around dinner time. I made it  but my husband is irritated by me, I can tell. He's being nice, of course. I felt like the lozenges weren't doing that much for me but now I'm realizing that they did. Even if it was in my head, they were doing something for me. Weird. Anyhoo, I went on a walk tonight with the dogs and saw how much the shadows are changing. The days are slowly getting shorter and soon everything will be pumpkin spice flavored. I think the winter will be easier to stay smober through. It gets cold here and dark too. Better to stay in and drink cocoa. The holidays will be rough though. My husband and I are both "orphans" and don't really have any family. It's ok, no pity required. His family ditched him and I ditched mine. Lots of therapy involved but we are ok. Sometimes it's better in life for you to not be around people who can't respect your boundaries or can't treat you like an adult. Thanksgiving is usually good, we get a barksgiving dinner for the dogs from the dog bakery. They make the best stuff. Christmas, though. Man, Christmas, my nemesis. Every time I have relapsed it has been within a few days of or on Christmas. It's a stressful time for me. Last year I gave it all up and stopped making Christmas cookies for everyone and their dogs I know and sending Christmas cards, among other things and it was wonderful. Very liberating. I'm going to have to do some holiday battle planning asap so that I go into this prepared and at the ready. At least covid has put the damper on holiday parties, potlucks and the like. I don't like those things, and there are smokers there, or it makes me want to smoke because it's stressful for me. Any tips for getting through the holidays? I know you haven't hit a year yet, but I imagine you have some insight.

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Sep-3

I’m at 6 months, lol! Missed the day of too. Not so big on those day things. I try to be for others as I know it is important, but I often fail at that and hope for forgiveness. It’s never meant to be selfish. Just mostly fly by the seat of my pants through life and live in the moment and forget stuff!
Totally agree. Best to ditch folks who don’t respect your boundaries. I know that sounds harsh, but, at least not live with them is what I mean. It’s just a set up and creates ill feelings and being honest up front is best.
I just finished an article by an Infectious Disease specialist about his prediction for the Hollowdays. Grimm speculation I’m afraid as far as gatherings. I love Thanksgiving. I love too you treat your babies! Lucky pups. I love Christmas trees but not all the other some-day land fill items. But you probably knew I’d say that. I like lights. Lots of them. Have Christmas lights on my deck year round, the big old fashioned bulb ones. The season itself is special to me but also with a melancholy overtone. Usually exacerbated by the consumerism. Every single year I ask my family please don’t send me gifts. One sister has caught on and gives to the Humane Society in my name. The others....they are getting it and send me things like a new humming bird feeder or stuff like that. And I crochet them stuff. Blankets, scarves... I grew up with snow always there at that time and have only had snow on Christmas once since I left Michigan in 1987. Miss that part. Me and daughter have a BIG thing for us on Solstice. No use of power, just candles and fire and all that. Yeah. Pretty Crunchy style. Pat’s family is here in PDX and Christmas is always a big to do on Christmas Eve. Mostly fun and they are very low drama. I’m with you though on the liberating myself from most of the obligatory hoopla. Don’t send cards and all that. I get mushy and tell people I love them and miss them and spend time talking with them. So I like those aspects of it.  This will be the last one before daughter turns 18. Probably gonna need a big tree. Maybe I’ll make little masks for the ornaments, haha! 
Let me think about strategies for getting through them. I’m gonna need some too! Plus that is rainy rainy rainy season here and I don’t plan on not walking still. Gonna definitely need that. 
Maybe almost your bed time. You did good today. Sleep well.

  • Edited September 3, 2020 11:15 pm  by  Loreficent
TinyBadger

From: TinyBadger

Sep-5

The hoolidays are the worst. My husband and I only really celebrate our anniversary, only because that took some effort. Not that we are jerks, just that love is a verb. And you've gotta love each other. I enjoy Christmas because of the trees and lights, too. I opt out of the presents and all that jazz. It seems people only give to charity one time of year and that's very saddening to me. We give year round, but.i think my expectations are a little high of others. Anyhoo, I'm going to come up with the relaxation plan of the hoolidays for my family and it's going to be great. I don't know what it is yet, but it will be. Now all I have to do is hang my Christmas lights at night again. We have a neighbor who will come over and critique if he sees the ladder out so we do it at night. He does that with everything. Always wandering over to tell us how to do stuff when his house, yard, etc. Aren't that grand. Just because I'm not 80 doesn't mean I don't know how to remove a wagon wheel from a mailbox. So when we bought our house there were white painted wagon wheels everywhere. Every time we'd trim a tree or paint the deck we'd find a new one. The worth one of all was the one center to our mailbox. It took us a long time with a jackhammer to get that one out. The neighbors told us the people who lived here before were terrified that someone would steal it. No kidding there was 2 feet of cement on the whole wheel. We yanked it out with a pickup at the end. So we give the wheels to this lady at work for free and find out that even painted they are with at least 100 bucks a wheel. I was thrilled, let me tell you. Stupid wheels. How's john? Your aunt? Did you plant your babies? I'm still trying to get off the lozenges, but am struggling. 

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Sep-5

Hi there

I just got home from work. Struggling with the suddenly noticeable difference in daylight the past week or so. Beautiful weather here and sunset was gorgeous on my drive towards it though. I have not planted my babies yet! It was really hot the first couple of days I brought them home and then this has been a busy weekend for work for me. I’ll get them in the next few days though. Gotta find some thick gloves to do it as they are sharp. John is good. Will head down to see him shortly here. He does have a notable lean. I went and saw the other one on Thursday and the blooms are full open and so pretty. So many bees and hummingbirds around it. I tried to get some pictures of the hummers but am not quick enough. I am gonna be really really sad when John comes down. Am really hoping to be able to touch base with the owner as I’d like to bring the stalk home if he doesn’t want it. Won’t last forever but would be nice to have his symbolism for through the Winter. Just feel like this one is gonna be tough. Have not felt the dread of it approaching ever like I do this year and can’t quite figure it out yet. Maybe the not smoking? Probably some of it...late November, December, and most of January are pretty dreary here and you don’t see much sun at all for that time. More than Seattle, but that’s not saying much for that time of year. So, yeah, would be nice to have John around to carry me through. He’s likely set some world record already though. I got a picture of him from almost a year ago I gotta find. I’ll put it up when I do.

So, I’m trying to picture a wagon wheel mailbox...? Sounds artsy in a way. That’s pretty cool that lady can get that much money for them! What do people do with them? Reminds me of when I lived in the South and driving across the Georgia countryside how folks would have these big old tractor tire planters. Then there are the bathtubs with Virgin Mary statues in them... funny stuff. I’ve seen an old toilet in a yard made into a planter too. But hey...I have a St Francis statue in my my back yard. I like him. He’s holding a bunny. 
Well, don’t worry about the lozenges too much. Other than hurting your mouth, which isn’t fun, they aren’t hurting you in the grand scheme. I know the feeling though of just wanting to be done with it all. Your just writing chapters with it. Soon the book will take a turn and have other plot twists. 
Yoir neighbor sounds like a hoot! Sounds like he misses feeling useful. And yes...Love is a verb. A mysterious verb. 

  • Edited September 5, 2020 11:20 pm  by  Loreficent
TinyBadger

From: TinyBadger

Sep-6

Gosh, those wagon wheels. Just decor, I guess. They were everywhere and it was very dated. Down the way a lady has a washing machine filled with flowers. Very montana. I keep teasing my husband that we should get an old microwave and use it as a planter. I guess to each his own. I have a couple of traditional looking gnomes but I have them in back because kids gnomenap a lot. One year a lot of people were missing their gnomes and they found them on top of the high school. You had to come identify yours. Luckily I did not lose a gnome that summer. Yes, my neighbor is a pain but we do try to be patient with him. You should talk to johns owner i bet they'll let you have a nip. You do love him so. He's brought you a lot of things and I'd hate to see you lose them. 

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