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Oh thanks Eve.....
It is so easy to think something is wrong with me when I sleep like that and cannot wake up. A friend confirmed it was still the smoking jag and now you validated it. I am in a weird place trying to get through the thought that this will be or should be over.
I love the 5 hour nap. I am notorious for those. I saw weather is coming your way!! I was up early watering cos it is going to be smoldering.
I thought about a tattoo....for about a minute. Lol. Who knows? It could happen.
Just to let you know Kombucha May freak you out at 1st. The fizz is like nothing you have felt!!! I had to drink mine like real slow. It’s a trip drinking something ALIVE. There is my syfy coming out of me again...Lol but it is really different. Go for it!!
Have a restful smoke free day my friend!!
I know you were in a funk this day and while you were writing to Eve I wanted to talk about the giving cigarettes up for Lent thing. Also your friend not understanding why you call yourself an addict after you have quit. I have come across that last one and came to an understanding of it but the Lent thing?
I grew up Catholic ( am not anymore) and I recall the Giving up something for Lent thing. I can see where smoking or maybe even drinking could be something to choose to give up. What bothers me is the misinformation I have carried around that after a month or so all the craves, symptoms, thoughts would be gone about smoking which I have found to be so untrue and that it will be a lifetime thing.....Time of course will lessen the pain if I DO NOT PICK ONE UP AND SMOKE IT.
The thing about giving it up for Lent I guess it could be a practice quit. But with this, one just STOPS FOR AWHILE and does not ACTUALLY QUIT. How many of us could do that? Probably ALL because we know we get to smoke again when Lent’s over. I have not had a drink of alcohol in 33 years. I am addicted because IF I drink I know I will not stop. However, nowadays, I say I am no longer am in bondage to alcohol. THIS IS BECAUSE I DONT DRINK IT.
I was surprised that the cigarette quit is the exact same thing as alcohol. More physical symptoms with the nicotine for me. And of course the damage you inflict on others with alcohol is much worse, you can’t go to jail for cigs, etc. But emotionally, mentally it is the exact same.
Anyway.....all this said, I was glad you mentioned this. It has helped me reconcile what actually is entailed in the quit, that it is not nor sissies, expect to be very uncomfortable but it is all entirely worth it.
I am so surprised that I am not out of breath as I once was even after just 2 months. Freedom on so many levels.
You should write memoirs at the very least to pass on. That story about how your name came to be is right out of a movie!!! Why did your dad hate the name Rebecca? That is just a scream!! Loreli sp? Is cool but I hear ya about “the song” Lore is cool because it means a story.....Wow Heidi.....I Love! 9th kid.....Wild!!! Do you keep in touch with your sibs? That’s a lot to keep track of! One of my favorite children’s book and movie was Heidi and the Swiss alps my favorite place!!!
Have a lovely smoke free day
Wow! Peggy you have overcame a lot! Hey you can be our designated driver when we go for Margaritas! I’m glad you have reconciled your brain. Yes that was a lot of misinformation, I thought the same thing though. But with wisdom and our knowledge NOW we can keep on plugging along and keep each other in check!
Lore should write at least a book, she is definitely a spiritual person.
Have a great smoke free day!
Absolutely, Eve, would be my pleasure to chauffeur Lol. I will be happy to drink virgin ones!! Still love the salt. Another note about Kombucha....it is more about sensation cos it is really strange. Walmart has it. I put it on my list but haven’t gone yet. Got one at Aldi that was lemonade raspberry....something like that. These others have ginger so we shall see. I know it took me a few days to drink it cos it was kinda bizarre at first.
Its good to know you felt the same with this.....it is going to take a while thing.....I am thinking a lot might struggle with this. Just a guess. Like today I really don’t want a drink usually. Except during this quit I have!!!! But of course!
All of us have been through a lot, sweet girl. The key words are “ been through” which means come out on the other side with victory!!!
So have your tropical storm winds come in yet? I know NJ is suppose to get hit. Not sure if you were going to get them as bad. Always on the look out for hurricanes. Texas has gotten its fair share of them, also tornadoes, crash bang thunderstorms, ice storms. Just about everything. I am kind of a weather watcher nerd being out in the sticks on a hill. I can see storms come in from quite a distance.
So what is the deal....you are working overtime and not getting paid for it? Do you usually? Maybe it has to do with salary or hourly. IDK. I would have made twice my salary if I got paid overtime! This may be the case with many nowadays. I still have no word if I will be going back to work. Texas schools are opening but they change their mind everyday how they are going to do it. We are kind of like NY was.
Yes I was setting up the dating site for my friend and I looked at it too. I am really not that interested. I did talk with this one guy who says all of this Covid19 is a ploy to sell vaccines and he said masks are not necessary and he won’t wear one. (Even tho it is mandatory now). Some of that could be true but these people are really sick and dying. It’s all so confused. I would not go meet anyone now anyway even if I wanted to.
Hope your day went well. Be safe and smoke free. Hi Peanut and Calvin
Ha! Well...I kind of have written a book here, yes? Lol.
Ahhh...the natterings of an addict. It does provide distraction. Before I quit I didn’t write much. I’d just go off and smoke and think a bunch of stuff. Never really said much of what I write out loud believe it or not. I’m not going to, but I think this would be one thing that could lead me back to smoking; the desire to turn my brain off. Now I just walk and think. It’s good in some ways as I get a lot of exercise. But seriously? I do miss the going off and having my my mind in a void so to speak. I thought a couple of months ago that I smoked to fill the void and wrote pondering that somewhere here. Now I think I smoked to have a void. I find it all confusing really. I’m hoping it all balances out eventually. Then I probably won’t write so much.
I’m still pondering the Lent thing. You made some good points Peggy. It’s probably something I shouldn’t expound too much on. Human nature is an enigma in so many ways to me.
I get it too what you and Eve talked about with quitting being something that you didn’t realize would drag on. Don’t get too discouraged about it being a lifetime thing at the level it is now though. So many folks a few years out come here and talk about not thinking about it much anymore other than being grateful and glad that they stopped. We will get there too! I’m sure of it. In the grand scheme of things we don’t have that much quit time under our belts to undo the many years we smoked and all the wiring in our brains that we created by building all the connections with it. So much of it is better already though, right?
Ha. So as I write that, realize that I am back to sleeping more again, or wanting to anyway. But I also know that is a way of escape and coping. Not just from the smoking but from the simple state of things around us/ me.
My dad didn’t mind Rebecca, he didn’t like Heidi. He had known a guy whose last name was Heidi and said he was an old drunk and didn’t want his daughter named that. The doctor didn’t like Rebecca and I’m not sure why. But...the real question is...why did the doctor have any say at all??? Right. I don’t know. I don’t think I’m his kid. The whole story is kind of funny.
Yes, I keep in touch with my sibs. All of us were born within 13 years. My poor Mother! I’m the baby. I grew up with 8 as the second one died young and before I was born. So there were 4 boys and 4 girls I grew up with. There are 6 of us left. One brother died when I was 18, he was 24. Another brother died when I was 19, and he was almost 26. One sister in Chicago, all else still in Michigan. 3 were smokers, but now none of us are. My dad smoked but mom never did.
Im super sleepy and am going to bed. Will talk more tomorrow. Hope you have a beautiful morning!
My mind is ALWAYS in a void! Haha! I’m constantly telling my friend that he “thinks” too much, and I “think” too little. He reads and ponders almost everything, where I’m just blunt and tell people what I think, and don’t always think before I speak. Which definitely is a flaw! But I also used to fly off the handle more rapidly, but since have quit, noticed that I don’t do that as much. Which is GOOD! But you ponder most things, and it fills your soul til you can come to terms with it, and move on......is that accurate?
I’m the person, if something is bothering me, I usually push it away until I have time to deal with it or ponder what to do. I don’t let myself be enveloped into to it. There are exceptions but on a regular basis do that.
Well I’m off to start my day, 2nd cup of coffee! Enjoy your time off! Be well my friend!
Last weekend worked Saturday....overtime and got paid (was that written to me?) Any overtime is paid. I’m Union! Texas is definitely in a sad state of things. I’m glad that you don’t live in a big city and live in stix. I would be definitely apprehensive about working/teaching in a school right now. I think opening schools right now is poor judgement.....but others may disagree.
Rain gone, had 2 detours last night getting home. 2 creeks/cricks flooded. Took an extra 20min. No biggie. We needed it. Grass was brown!
You are correct.....we have definitely come through it!
Hi Jackson and Tab? I have CRS. Is that the names of your dogs? CRS stand for cant remember stuff*.
Have a great day!
Yes...Awesome....that is the names of the pups!!
so glad you made it home safe. Flooding has started from the tropical storm I take it. Yay on you getting paid. I don’t know where I read that.
Thanks for agreeing with my apprehension about schools. Pretty unsettling. I have talked with a couple teacher friends. It is so stressful that they change their minds everyday it’s probably better NOT to seek information.
Have an awesome smoke free day !
Hope your sleep was soothing. It was well deserved!
Yes, so much of this quit has already made life so much better. I know that as time passes I will not think of it as often. I have done it before with another substance. Why would it not happen again.
I too liked those smoke filled moments of escape. Not an option now. I was concerned that sleeping was another way of escape but I am not going to concern myself anymore. So I sleep too much. So what? It is a healthier coping mechanism than others I have indulged in!! ( also a side effect of the quit) With everything you are going thru, sweet girl, don’t you think more sleep is a good thing for you?
Glad you still have contact with the Sibs. Yeah 9 kids in 13 years....eeeek, reminds me of that Monty Python movie. I have often wondered if my oldest bro is really blood related. Lol. Families are so different. Surrogate families so much closer sometimes.
Hope you are having sweet dreams