Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.
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Hey Lore, Lol mermaid cute but I like the bugs acting goofy wearing the green 2nd row from bottom, 2nd from right! What exactly is the photos on? Calendar? Book?
Wish you were closer so you could make me walk, need someone to push me. Lol. Glad you weren’t thrown in Van also.
Yes people still bum smokes......especially in Philly. Some times offer you money.
Oh crappola, I forgot your 5 months anniversary! Wow I know u have been thru a lot, remember your 1st slip.....feels like we are living in a different world now. You are almost at 1/2 a year! If you can stay quit through this “world “ you can do ANYTHING........including the PCT.
Peggy! Hi there...
So glad to hear you got some rain and cooler temps. The heat has made it’s way finally several days ago and we have had a couple days over 100. I worked one of them so was in AC all day, but man, when I came out the door at 7:30...It washed over me like I had stepped into a sauna! Whew. Was very glad I drove that day and didn’t have to walk home in it. Only an hour walk but too much at that point.
Poor Tab! Is she ok now? Did you have to go to the Vet? No idea what? Do you have Opossums there? My Shepard tangled with one of those when I lived in Atlanta. She won as far as survived but it was ugly. Sutures and antibiotics... Well...whatever it was she must have taken it as a threat to you the goddess she sees fit to protect. Such great dogs. I miss mine so. She lived to 13 and a half though so I was blessed. My daughter used to toddle over with her bottle, lay down leaning up on her side and fall asleep. Woe would have been to anyone that tried to harm her baby I’m sure. She was a big girl at 98 pounds and was a Schutzhund training failure as she hated hats and bicycles. I rescued her from a group that was training for the Military. Had to be very careful walking her because of that as she would just freak out. Her German fell by the wayside as I couldn’t remember the commands too well, haha! She learned English and a few Spanish words from me though, so smart doggy. Anyway...glad Tab is ok! How old is she now?
Wait...you‘ve been to Michigan lakes?? I miss them. Once people find out I’m from there I often get asked if I’ve swam across Lake Michigan. Hahaha! I know immediately they’ve never seen it or any of the others. Superior is my favorite. So much wilderness and isolation available. Someday I’ll go visit again. Last trip was with my dad the summer before he died. He loved it so. He was 95. I wonder if he knew his time was near. He seemed very fit and healthy and lived on his own, still working up on his roof, etc. He was smoking only his pipe at that point, about 4-5 bowls a day. Anyway, I flew over and we took a road trip as he wanted to go. So I might just want to leave those memories as they are and not add more at this point. We’ll see.
Yes, I got some extra shifts this week. Tough times and they are paying extra so with the pay cut it offsets it a bit and covers my piano lessons. Yay! That’s why I picked them up really. The pace is not sustainable for sure. Don’t want to write too much here, but, we joke about starting a bet pool on who is gonna fall ill first and since they would be “the winner” we would give them the money in the pool to offset medical expenses. Sick, I know, but...the bad humor keeps us going! There is not much funny about all of this at all....so. Yeah. A little humor among us helps. There is a website up to fill out a form to be in the vaccine study. You would not be a good candidate as you are pretty isolated, but I am hoping to get in the trial. Would make me feel I’m doing something when in reality I feel pretty helpless. Some of these folks are pretty sick. It is affecting my sleep now. Many are just sore throat, fever, diarrhea, etc. Anyway...more on PM maybe about that would be better. Bottom line...Don’t smoke. And yes, people still bum smokes! Not me though so don’t worry.
Naked Athena was a protester that came out one night I was down there. Stunning. Actually I had just moved over as there was a guy vaping something that stunk so I was in a clear space and out comes this tall, naked woman in a ski mask and face mask. She did a bunch of Yoga and Ballet about 30-40 feet from the Fed line. The juxtaposition of the scene was incredible! There are a bunch of videos on YouTube of it. Powerful to see this naked woman being shot at. Anyway...for me, the artistic statement was just amazing. So...more on that later as I figure out how to answer you about the art. It is one of the reasons I go. That and I am a person who needs truth. You know, when I wrote what I wrote from Seattle, I truly was inspired by the artistic scene I was watching and it is where the poetry came from. Little did I know...how much truth there was then that would apply to what I see now in Seattle’s sister city PDX. This time though I’ve taken it in without smoking and watching from a small distance. There is no doubt some bad stuff. On both sides. What the press does not show, is the larger group of people gathered trying very hard to police their own and stop the stuff that sends the gas rolling out. There is very little truth out there right now from what I’ve seen on the news. Just like the art. No showing and telling of the beautiful artwork down there. Just the ugliness and negativity. Seriously?? Most of these news networks remind me of Big Tobacco! Something to think about. Very seriously.
The graffiti is there too, yes. Confined in a very small space and on specific structures. So yet another juxtaposition of the beautiful and the ugly. I just feel the world is in this odd place, perhaps tilted slightly off her axis or something though I know that isn’t true. Just this odd place and there all of these opposing visuals and actions and thoughts. For me, seeing things for myself gives me a deeper sense of understanding and actually, balance. Anyway...like all things...this too shall pass. It is but a moment in time that will become a snippet of foggy memory... Don’t worry...will be at the Coast again Friday to be with the healing forces there and will be up at the Mountain on Sunday. Hopefully away from Covid or smoke dreams that have taken to filtering into my sleep nightly.
Enjoy your swim! Hopefully more thunder for you later too! Soooo Nice!
I knew you’d like them! They are stamps that are out now. The Forever Stamps that don’t expire. So funny! I bought this sheet of them. Couldn’t wait to get home and take a pic to send you. The girl vaping was cracking up about them as I was carrying them in my hand cause I didn’t want them to crumple in this little back pack I use.
Well...come on out and stay with me and you will walk a ton I promise! I live pretty close in in the city, as the crow flies about a mile, little less from downtown. Most people walk a lot here to the stores, parks, etc. Just do it. Just go out about an hour before bed and start with a walk for 10-15 minutes. It clears your head like you wouldn’t believe and relaxes the body. Do it in the morning too. I’ve been running mixed in all along and two weeks ago met my goal of running for an hour. Felt really good and now I do that 3 days a week and walk at night. The days I run are days I can nap later and then I just walk that night. There was a night a week or so ago I was getting a little sick and didn’t walk much that night and missed it really bad! When I go downtown I walk around a lot. I feel completely safe. I did see one of those people get snagged but I was about a block away. It was all very confusing and there was a lot of people yelling and I was already on my way out. It made me be very cautious though. He was also someone that was walking away but had come from a bigger crowd and I was not as close to begin with. I don’t usually stay that late as I want to come back across the river and say good night to John.
Movement is my sanity now for sure. The only sanity there is maybe..?
You can do the PCT with me! I only want to do Oregon down to Mt Shasta area. My massage therapist did the whole thing 2 years ago. She is a rock though. Plus that takes like 5 months and I’d drive myself insane I’m sure! Lol! Probably would never be seen again. Hmmmm.
Honestly...I missed the date too! I’m not that big on those things so don’t worry. Maybe if I had a life with a regular schedule I’d pay more attention to dates, but usually I just go by what day it is and whether I work or not, like is it Saturday, oh ok I gotta work this one. I work this Thursday and it has already thrown me off and it isn’t even here yet! Yes...if we can stay quit through this, we can do anything. I’m a little worried I haven’t been thinking about it much, but have been observing it kind of like a little case study of just seeing how many people are still smoking. I see a lot more vaping. Not sure if people think it is safer?
Anyway...gonna do my dishes and walk off now too! Yay! Stay safe St Eve and I promise I will do the same. Always do...
Ahhh...what an amazing walk back across the bridge and through the neighborhoods. Not quite as warm tonight but still enough heat coming up off the streets from earlier today and in the air to carry the smell of all the Jasmine. Magnolias are blooming too and I just love the fresh almost lemony smell of them. The blossoms...so big it takes both of my hands to cup them. Mmmm. In some ways I want to live where the nights are like this year round, but then I wonder if I would appreciate it less?
Walked by John on the way home. Amazing. I think he’s going to make it a full year. I talked to the owner of the place about a week or so ago when my Nurse friend was here and we walked down there and he was out gardening. I didn’t notice the spike till last October but he said it started in August. Makes sense as he is up pretty high from the street and the spike would need to get up above the plant a bit for me to see it from below. I asked him if he was just going to let it topple on it’s own and he said yes so I was really happy to hear that. That darn plant has so much symbolism for me now I am going to be sad when he is gone.
So, I’m not sure what the helicopters are about. News and or police surveillance I assume. Does add some strange feel but once your two blocks away from that area you don’t even know it except for the noise of the flash bangs and the gas on the breeze. Portland blocks are not big either like other cities. That was something I noticed right away when I moved here was how short a block is in most areas. So this whole area of unrest is really small compared to the size of downtown. Tonight I just put in my AirPods and walked with my music. Didn’t really feel like listening to them but they are still pretty loud now from my deck too. Hopefully gone soon and the nights will once again be very quiet. They had returned to that actually before the Feds got here. Was so little happening. Think I’m gonna go back and sleep inside tonight. House is cooled down to 79 already and with a window fan that’s tolerable.
What is Winter like for you there? I’ll have to read about the plant life where you are. I’m always curious what grows where.
Have a beautiful morning when you wake up. I’ll just pretend these helicopters are the thunder you get and drift right off soon, Lol! Not sure why they are this close tonight...
I can’t believe you have Vitex!!! Maybe a different variety...Is yours like a 20x20 shrub that blooms lavender?? Wow....what a cool ecosystem!! First time I saw one was in an old cemetery ( (love old cemeteries) Anyway, when I found some I decided to prune into trees. Huge things and to keep pruned is a job for sure. I am hoping they will eventually reseed in the wild. They do produce volunteers that really take hold of the ground.
Yes definitely very far from coastal areas. No worries there. Do you have more cats than Calvin? You mentioned fur babies.....
Yes, spilling gas on myself is a given between the mower, tractor, Mule I am always putting gas in something or torching brush piles! One set gas, one set diesel. Actually, I may do one tonight since it has been so overcast. I actually could smell the faint scent of burning somewhere last night and thought it was a good idea. My friend and her daughter are coming over again. She had to work on her classroom and needs to sit in the spa with a jet on her back.
Bridgett Jones is a series of movies. She is a scream. I feel alot like her at times although may not appear to resemble her on the outside......Those different parts of ourselves...you know. I’m like you...seeing smoking in movies does not bother me. Ironic tho....when I smoked it was always an excuse for another. As far as root reasons I smoked in the beginning has to do with the dark side that basically wants to destroy me however it can. I am standing up to that shadow today and saying....No More. Light will suck up this darkness as it always has, as only it can and will. Victory!!!
Need to feed the pups before girls arrive. Have the best smoke free evening!!
Yes! It has deep purple- blue flowers and looks like a huge shrub if you let it get that way. Supposedly not as invasive as Butterfly Bush is here. It’s lovely stuff. It is a pretty varied ecosystem here in this part of the state for sure. Central part very different with High Desert, lava fields, different critters too. Just the other side of the Cascade Range. That’s where I was on the Rez. My neighbor has a little shack up near Mt Hood that he lends me. Very rustic. No cell service, no indoor plumbing. He does have a small generator there but I don’t use it. It’s off some dirt Forest Service road. Up high and good hikes close. Getting to be time for the Alpine Meadows to peak soon so I love going this time of year. There are lakes to swim in up there too. Cool but not as cold as the ocean. Will be nice. I’m gonna go by myself for Sunday overnight. Takes about an hour and a half to get there. Anyway...got sidetracked thinking about the plants over there....
I am gonna have the best smoke free night yet! Went and got some ice cream, my favorite from Trader Joe’s called Coffee Blast. I don’t think I’ve had any ice cream since quitting! Had Sorbet once but not ice cream and I’m very excited to sit on my deck with my book and a big big bowl of it! Yay!! Soon as it cools off a bit!
Oh...yes! I have 2 other kitties. I call them “the babies” but they are a little over 2 now. Calvin’s brother died 2 years ago. I had raised them with an eye dropper as their eyes weren’t open when I rescued them. Was pregnant with my daughter. His name was Sweetums. Big ol’ ball of love that spooned with me every single night for 16 years. A few months after he passed I saw a picture of one of the babies on the Humane Society website and left work early to go get him. Got there to find out he had a sister!! Well, I sure wasn’t gonna split them up. So now I have Hugo and Maisy. They are spry and so so funny and loving. Now Hugo spoons with me most every night. He is a big and very fluffy Silver Tabby with isotope eyes, a color I’ve never seen really, and he gets very hot to sleep with. Maisy is very very curious and playful. She is the best female cat I’ve ever had and I love her a lot. I have always preferred males as they are more affectionate but like I said I couldn’t split them up. It turns out she is very different than other females and so so lovey! They have been very kind and sweet with Calvin. Oh Peggy...he is so very frail. Really is just a wisp of the boy he used to be. Has not had an ill spell for about a month now and seems happy. His meow is a little croaky voice. I know one of these days he isn’t going to turn around when he is ill. He and Sweetums were completely inseparable so I will join their ashes when the time comes. I hate the thought, but he is very doted on and loved for sure.
My daughter wants a big dog. I’m waiting on that as I don’t see me here full time in a few years, so she will have to be in a space and place where she can keep it while I soar around as Pat doesn’t want the full time responsibility...yet anyway. He is pretty tolerant and gentle and loves animals very much, so he may get talked into it, we’ll see...
Ok...have fun with your girls! Is this the one you used to smoke with that didn’t smoke last time?
Morning my sweet,
Oh I love Massey and Hugo!!!! So good to hear about them!! I know what you mean about female felines but I finally had one that was very loving too!!! So cool it is the same Vitex! That makes me happy!!
I can’t believe this fairy tale of going to the mountain meadows in peak bloom and a mountain shack??? Oh unbelievably fab!!! Wow..lava fields.....you mean where lava flowed and took everything out? Different plants ? Is it rock or soil? I have seen a lava garden amendment stuff so it must introduce some needed nutrition to the soil. So fascinating about different animals over there too.
Actually my friend last night was my heavy smoker friend. We had a long talk about my quit. She finally noticed I wasn’t smoking. Lol. Of course she has been wanting to quit, cut down, then when Covid hit....started smoking her head off again. Several lowering of the eyes in shame...man my heart goes out to them when I see that. I guess it is part of the process. She wanted to know all about it. I was honest. Told her it was hell and she is probably not going to like what it brings up but is all worth it. Surreal really. Still doesn’t bother me when she smokes. Weird, I like the smell. She first met me when I was quit before for that 4-5 years so has known me as a smoker and non smoker.
It was all good. Except for Tab digging a hole in the over watered area of the yard! I really don’t want to see that today!” It was pitch black out there and we were talking in the pool for hours so she was over there being a busy little bulldozer bee........
Just another day in the neighborhood....Will respond soon to your work post.
Have a fab smoke free day!!!
Hey Lovely Lady!
Just got home, and I have to say reading this is a great end to a very tiring day! Thank you so much! The visual of your sweet ever vigilant Tab digging in an essentially muddy space, yes? What fun for her! And you of course before you let her on the bed! Lol!
Glad to hear your friend noticed. I’m with you...My heart would have gone out to her as well. I felt a great sense of shame smoking, believe me. She is with a very kind and empathetic soul with you as her friend and it must be a great comfort to know she is just accepted and supported regardless and I bet it will inspire her to think of quitting. Especially since you were not acting as some ex smokers do; all self righteous, etc. I seriously doubt that behavior will ever be in your repertoire. How nice for you both to be able to have a heart to heart about it with kindness.
Well, Peggy dear... If that shack with no plumbing or power sounds like a fairy tale to you, rest assured, I will surely feel like a Royal Princess being there in that space! Ahhh...the glorious open space and wild and a hike to alpine meadows filled with a splendor of colors bursting in the sun...yes...in the Kingdom for sure is exactly how I will feel and I fully intend to bask in the glory of the creations with thankfulness and gratitude for the life I am living and the life that surrounds me. And when the darkness comes I will drink in all of the richness of the heavens and know that if for only a day, I have connected with the greatest of things, the most powerful and beautiful things that no manly acquired wealth or riches could ever possibly create or supply, and for a few brief hours will bask in the glory of allowing my soul to soar freely and fill itself with the sustenance needed to keep me aware that I am real and alive. Mmmmm. Yes, these are some of the things that make my life full and worth living and I carry them with them me always when I leave and always leave a part of my heart with these spaces in return and humble thanks.
In the meantime until then...I have some work stuff to finish and my rounds for the night to make. Warm with a breeze...ahhh... though it’s not the Mountain yet, it will still be wonderful to be out tonight too. Moon is waxing and will give some nice light to calm the stress of the day.
More soon...sleep well...
Just looked at the temp...it is 84 degrees here still! Tent for me tonight, yay!!
So I got back kind of late last night to a message from someone that they are on the train, on their way here to PDX...to stay with me...FOR A WEEK!!! Wow. Needless to say, I am all out of sorts. This is the Ex’s Aunt who lives in California. She has had a habit of doing this over the years, just popping up to visit and stay a few days. She has not done it for 4 years but used to do it yearly and it was almost expected. She usually only stay a few nights. The last time she came she called from Roseburg to inform me she was 3 hours away and I was at work. What she didn’t tell me was that she had also brought her cat!!! Now...I love cats...but my cats do not like other cats visiting!! The whole few days in hindsight was a comedy of errors and mostly ended up rather fun. We kind of gave up on her doing this after she took off to Jamaica 4 years ago and ended up staying there like 6 months. She hasn’t traveled since she came back from there and no longer drives long distances.
She is on the train. On her way here. For a week. With me. WTH.
Good news is she doesn’t smoke anymore for about 3 years. Bad news is...I sure the heck want to right now!!! So...Covid, work, Protests, and now...Unexpected and unplanned company for a WEEK!! Ack!!!
Ok...I’m breathing and drinking my coffee and processing giving up my Mountain time that I just wrote about last night and was so in dire need of. Ok. Won’t smoke. But...man...this is the first huge trigger I’ve had in a while!!! I love her but...who does this?? Oh boy. Breathe more.
OMG. Just wondering if I should have put this in the SOS! Haha! I am not going to go buy smokes over it for sure. I’m really not, but it is an SOS in other ways! For my sanity!! Oh boy. This just throws me for a loop.
Ok. I’m gonna add. This really is a bit of a trigger. Last time I saw her we both smoked. She has been quit some time, but I’m still pretty new at this. More it is just this trigger of throwing my life and day to day living off track I think that is doing it than thinking about smoking with her. But...I am going to hang onto where I’m at. The fact that I can run again and feel so much better. She is not someone who will deal well with me walking off when I want to through out the day for an hour or two at a time, and I am not someone who is gonna deal well with not being able to do that like I have been. She is only 5 years older, and not decrepit, but isn’t going to be able to go like I want and need to for sure. This is gonna be a very long week...likely with a lot of ice cream. And ice water. Oh boy.
No! She is going to be a bundle of joy! She will be a huge distraction for you! Take her temperature every morning, and make her take a pee test ( just tell her for Covid testing.......this will entertain you and make you giggle). Then ask her to go on a hike with you, how old is she? Introduce her to the kombucha tea......explain that it will improve her bowel movements.....etc.
Do any other weird things to entertain yourself so you won’t think of those triggers......should I wish you good luck?