Oh, I don’t think wanting to be with Kiowa is weird at all. Makes sense to me. I have a small oil painting done by a local artist I bet you’d love. It is a skeleton hugging a dog. I got it because when someone passes, their fur family grieves too and I think this is often forgotten. It sounds a tad morbid but it is actually a really pretty picture. I’m glad you have friends to go with. 
Mmhmmm. Whatever comes, you will get through it. Comfort of the Cave. The walls of rock surrounding. That cave is actually rather deep and high and conceivably, one could go in there and wait out the tide as there are rocks to climb up and sit on. There are caves down a bit further that the Sea Lions hang out in. You’d like them too. 
I think you should come right out and ask about Kiowa. Maybe he could visit you for a bit? They may be glad to have the offer while they take care of things. Just a thought. 
Yes...friends are better than lovers. It doesn’t sound to me your eyes are veiled. Not many come full circle like you did with him. What a treasure in a short life. 
Well, I have a candle going for you Peggy. It will last about seven days and will be sending light and love. 

I don't think it's weird to want to be with his german shepherd. I could see it as comforting. I agree that it's hard to hate someone and you never know how things will unfold. My mom's partner (a woman) was previously married. She got divorced and always stayed in touch with him. When we went to California we even visited him a few times in his home. It felt completely normal and causal. I think it's admirable not to hate someone. When you are angry you carry the burden, not the other person. Be strong, kind lady. You will make it through this with the friendship of two tribes, in person and online. I care for you and I hope that you're doing ok. You'll find peace soon. 

You feeling a little better today? Not a lot, but just a little? We're here for you when you need us. Promise. 

Hey Lovely...

How did the day go? You doing ok? Thinking about you. We are here for you.

Yes, we do worry ...

You are in my thoughts and heart.....

Hi Susan...

So tell us!! Does it feel different with over a year now? Man. Can’t wait to be there. Well, only way to is through it right?

I had a pretty strong little knee jerk urge today at worK,  of all places, as I never smoked there. Would stop a few blocks away and smoke after, but never during the work day. It was a total knee jerk response to something that made me kind of mad, which doesn’t really happen often either. But it was such a clear thought when I hung up the phone with this person of “I want to go have a smoke!” Actually had a bit of tsunami! Ugh. I know it’s normal and we all go through it. I think I should go read that 8th month thread that is here somewhere. Didn’t you have a bit of this in this time frame too Susan? Well, I just told my colleagues I needed to take 10, which is also some we don’t do or have really is breaks. But I put in my AirPods, put on my eye shades, and didn’t have a cork! (Sorry...old Tommy by The Who reference there)  But I buttoned my lip and walked around the block. It’s a crappy neighborhood and our Security doesn’t like us to do that, but I would have felt sorry for anyone to mess with my 5 foot hiney in that moment for sure! Plus I figured I could outrun most of the addicts hanging around, lol! That’s not nice, and I’m sorry. They never bother me or any of us really except to ask for money or a smoke, of which I had neither. So...in the end, it all worked out and I actually was gone about 15 minutes and felt so much better and finished the day with lots of laughs. In the moment though...ugh. So, the moral of the story for me still is...keep the forum close (I wrote a brief rant to Jaka in another thread as he had mentioned feeling angry and it felt good to validate that for him and get it my anger off my chest) , keep music handy, be ready to walk briskly for a few minutes, and continue with the world’s best chocolate milk! 

Susan...I’m dying to know what it feels like now!!

Eve...I bobbed and weaved good today!

Tiny...you are not the only one that still finds yourself on the ledge and are never alone!

Peggy...we miss you and hope you’re ok!!

Oh now that's disgusting! He's shiny and blue, but he looks like a bloodsucker!

Well darn it. I don’ think he’d look so funny if I rotated the picture. I seem to have difficulty posting pics from my phone. Anyway...he was really beautiful Tiny! Striking Cobalt iridescent blue wings with the black. I’m not sure what he was but I have a PNW Insect book and I’m gonna look him up. When I find out I will tell you! I do know he was not a blood sucker! Those, as we know, are ORANGE. Let me see if I can repost his picture again and rotate him the way I saw him. Poor thing...
There! I’ll go back and delete the other one as I am not so Blue anymore either. Calvin will be ok again for a while. Day to day it seems with an 18 year old Kitty!