Hi Suzy, I'm sorry I can't be your twin quit day companion because I failed my quit again, But I have not given up so  to speak, Today is Sunday the 25th and I am making this my new quit day. Looks like you'll be leading the way again but never fear I will be behind you encouraging you to persevere, as only the strong survive and we are made of stern stuff.

I have just been for a walk beside our lovely river, 5000 steps, and I have done it today without any painkillers Hip Hip Hooray! Not many about, a lovely Autumn day.

Yesterday I went to a garage sale and bought a guitar case, 6 Cushions and a jar of honey, from my quit smoking counsellor, came back watched a movie with sub-titles, a foreign film and then went out to lunch with my darling wife, then for afternoon entertainment I watched our local Rugby  team beat the pants off the opposition. All in all a fun day.

I go to see the physio next Tuesday which will probably be my last visit, so successfully is my hip healing and then Wednesday line up for my Astra Zeneca jab

Take care Suzy sorry I cant make that day a twin success story, but I remain committed to defeating these craves even if I am late

Kind regards

Anthony

Hi Suzy,

How are you? I’ve been thinking of you and everything you’ve been going through with your son. It sounds like there have been some pretty major upheavals. It must be so hard to have the new therapist come in and basically dictate a whole new reality that you all have to adjust to overnight. And scary not knowing how your son will fare on the new regime.

But! I just saw you wrote to Lore that things are looking up :) so happy to hear and hope this will be the start of better times, though no doubt with some ups and downs too. In any case it sounds like something has shifted which is so positive.

I can imagine it must feel heartbreaking to look at that lovely photo of your son when things are really difficult. I suppose all you can do is hang onto the knowledge that he is still that person. It’s just difficult circumstances, emotions, brain chemistry acting on that same dear person that can send things so awry.

I had a bit of a shift myself yesterday as my dad came to see me to talk about some of the mental health problems I had growing up. I’ve had a difficult relationship with him and we’ve been quite distant the last few years. But he reached out to ask to talk - I admit I was pretty flabbergasted! He really listened, it was quite amazing. I’m not sure he could really understand what I was saying but just being able to be myself and speak my ‘truth’ (if that’s not too pompous) felt very healing. I don’t think we’ll ever be super close but I hope we can build a more honest and open relationship.

So: yay!

Glad you are back in the quit groove. How is it feeling being a non-smoker this weekend? Hope you are enjoying this lovely spring weather.

Take care Suzy and speak soon,

Katie x

Quit 4th March 2017

Hi Lore,

I had a wonderful weekend, thank you - we were just parked up in our vans in the corner of a farmer's field (couldn't sit outside for long as it was so cold and windy), but the view was gorgeous - you could see for miles across a valley and the sun was shining - and it was wonderful to see our friends too. 

Son is still good, which is the best thing of all.  

Hope you had a good weekend too, even though you were working, and talk soon.

Suzy

Don't worry Anthony - the important thing is that you've quit again.  It sounds as if you had a great day in other ways too - walking in the fresh air in a beautiful place, no painkillers (It's great news that your hip is healing so well!), a bit of shopping, a nice lunch, and then the rugby!  Some days are just good days, aren't they - it's so nice when that happens!

Keep up the good fight, Anthony.  

Suzy

Hi Katie,

Thanks for your reply, and yes, things ARE looking up!   I meant to put an edit in my message to you, but ran out of time before I had to leave for our camping trip - I'm glad you saw my post to Lore, because the one to you was quite depressing...   Sorry x

The best thing is that my son is taking his meds and seeming to improve.  I honestly think the therapy was making him worse, so I've refused to pay for any more of it.  I'm happy to fund other therapy, at least until he can get some via the NHS, but I'm not going to keep shelling out £80 an hour to a therapist who's basically telling him that his psychiatrist and his family must all be lying to him!   Anyway, I'm very cautiously optimistic, but you're right, I'm sure there will be ups and downs.  At least, though, something is shifting, as you say - and at least I've had a glimpse of that happy little boy, who I've sometimes thought was gone forever.  I will try to keep hanging on to the idea that he is there somewhere, even when things are bad - thank you so much for that.  It helps a lot.

And what a shift for you too!  I'm so glad your dad listened, even if he couldn't understand it all.  And you don't sound pompous!  You never sound pompous, you just sound like a lovely, thoughtful, kind person.   It's really great news, and even if you're never super-close, it will still feel so much better.  Well done him - and you.

I'm feeling pretty calm and relaxed today - my weekend away did me a world of good - and very clear that I don't want to be a smoker (and that there's no such thing as 'just one').   Tomorrow we will sleep on the boat, ready for going down through the lock onto the river proper at 8am on Thursday.

I hope you've had a good day too, and talk soon.

Suzy x

Hi Suzy,

How are you? Hope all went well with moving your boat.

So pleased to hear things have been looking up with your son. How is he at the moment? Sorry it didn’t work out with the EMDR but it does sound like it was very destabilising. Must be so hard for you to make these decisions but I hope you can trust your judgment and get support from the psychiatrist too.

How has your week been and how are you feeling in your quit?

Work has been very busy for me but interesting. I’m glued to the tv watching the snooker this weekend!

Hope all is well with you,

Katie x 

Quit 4th March 2017 
 

Hi Katie,

Moving the boat was lovely - a beautiful day for it, and now she's on her mooring in the middle of the Exe, ready for adventures (although I don't really feel like having fun at the moment - hope I will soon).  The not smoking is also fine - the odd niggly thought, but I just don't want to be a smoker any more.  I know I can do it, and be happier for it - and I also know that it doesn't help with stress.  Which is good, because things have gone downhill again with my son.  I'm trying to persuade him to make an urgent appointment with his psychiatrist, but he probably won't because the therapist  - who ought to be struck off, in my opinion - has been in touch with him again, and now he doesn't even believe he's ill.  It's a nightmare, and just so sad.  I'm still hanging onto hope that one day it will all be all right, but it's hard to believe it sometimes.  He is so angry and upset about things that never happened, and utterly convinced he's right.  There's no reasoning with him, and all I can do is tell him that I love him and I'm there.  I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Thanks for checking in with me, and I'm glad you're having a nice weekend.  I'm intrigued about the snooker -  is there some sort of family connection?  I suppose it seems an unusual interest for a young mum, but then again I remember being glued to coverage from the Crucible when I was growing up!  You're probably too young to remember Steve Davis and Alex Higgins, but they were amazing.  I used to root for Hurricane Higgins because he seemed so much wilder and more interesting.  He smoked, though.

Have a lovely rest of your weekend, and thanks again.

Suzy x

, 

Hi Suzy,

I’m so sorry things have been hard with your son again :( It sounds so so tough and my heart goes out to you. You’re doing so well just to be there for him and show him he is loved no matter what. That is so powerful and important even though it might not seem that way just now. You’re his mum and that’s what matters.

It must be so hard trying to deal with this irresponsible therapist and your son believing things that aren’t true. I honestly don’t know what I would do.

Things will get better. It sounds like everything is stirred up and disrupted at the moment but there will be calmer times.

Meanwhile I’m so pleased to hear you are happy to be a non-smoker. Are you 2 weeks into your new quit now? Not so new hehe.

The snooker wasn’t a classic this year (although I still watched about 8000 hours of it!) I just got into it watching it with my husband on tv one day - it’s such a fascinating game, the skill, the tactics, the luck! And that thing where if you miss you have to sit in your chair and watch your opponent clear up - ouchy! We went to the Crucible a few years ago - I think I was the only pregnant lady there haha.

My daughter is currently into rolly-pollies. She hasn’t quite got the hang yet so puts her head down and sticks her bottom in the air then gets disoriented and falls sideways but triumphantly. She’s also trying to teach her cuddly pooh bear to do them :)

OK crochet time - making a horse for my friend’s daughter (her idea).

Sending hugs,

Katie

quit 4th March 2017

Hi Katie, and sorry for such a slow reply - don't worry, I am still a non-smoker (2 weeks and 1 day!), I've just had work every day this week and am knackered.   I don't know how I ever used to manage a proper full-time job.

Things are better again with my son - he has now made the appointment and seems calmer again - but thank you so much for the kind words; they really do help.

I love how good the snooker players are too - if I was playing and my opponent missed, though, they wouldn't have to watch me clear up (which I agree is very ouchy) - they probably wouldn't even bother to sit down.   I'd probably miss AND pot the white.  I played pool a few times at uni - didn't ever win.  Oh well.  

I love the image of your daughter falling sideways but triumphantly - a very important life skill, I'd say.   Even Olympic gymnasts do it, after all - no matter how much of a heap they land in, they still jump up and go "Ta dah!"  

Hugs to you too.  I won't be on here much over the next couple of days (work this afternoon and boat on Saturday), but I am fine.

Suzy

P.S. Please post a picture of the horse when it's done?

Hi Lore,

Hopefully you're just busy with work (or even better, fun), but I haven't seen you on here in a little while and I am missing your gentle thoughtfulness!  Hope everything is ok.

I'm ok, just about - been through the emotional wringer a bit, but still standing.

Big hugs,

Suzy