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Actually starting to quit again, thanks for the encouragement
Your rambling has a lot of wisdom. Once again I have fallen into the trap. It happened late at nighta few days ago when I got up to go to the bathroom and I found an ashtray with some partially smoked cigs (my wife's). I made an impulsive move (oh, I'll just take a few puffs) Well, you know where that led to.
I thought my attitude was bulletproof. Nothing was to get in my way. My confidence was higher than ever before. But that didn't matter because I really wanted to try it again. Only a few puffs and my addict self was in control.
Well it's back to square one. I don't have a new plan, but I know it will be soon because if I go too long it will be that much more difficult. I bought one pack the day I started up, then 2 packs the next day and today I am thinking of a carton to save a little money. Bad idea!
I was doing so well. I was ready to quit for good and still am. My plan was well thought out. I simply need to renew my commitment and do it. How about next week Monday the 25th ? Wish me well and thanks to all for your support and understanding.
I think in this grand life we have it’s best to stay focused on the positive best as we can. You had some time under your belt. Then a step back. Ok. Well, as you know, you can get at least that far again! Dust off, stand up, dig in, lean in and carry on. The good news is you are understanding the addict inside you and recognize that voice. More good news, you don’t want to just throw in the towel and you want to go at it again. And the days you were stopped are not lost days! They are success!
I so wish there were a magic bullet to give folks. But then, this Forum and all of the lovely committed people wouldn’t be here. But we are here, and we all have one thing in common. We all know the absolute struggle this is. You came back to share your news. That’s more good news! I know these seem like small things when we have given in to the addiction and feel that feeling of failure. I’ve been there. We all have.
I’ve got some time now, but that’s after many years of wanting to stop, trying to stop, failing to stop, rationalizing starting again…all of it. The only thing that has worked so far for me has been completely accepting the addict part of me. Not fighting that piece. When it screams the loudest that’s when it needs the most empathy and compassion and acceptance. I let it be with me. I accept that piece completely as one facet of my mind. A separate piece that will always be there. Over time it’s voice has become much less dominant and loud. But, honestly, it’s still there. So much less. For now I accept it probably will always speak up in certain moments. Yes, even still. Early on it took a lot of energy to just step back and focus on the separate piece it is and just let it be. I didn’t struggle with so much as worked on focusing on the one piece it is, embracing it, talking to it, at times nurturing and soothing it and at times looking it square on and having a stare down. I don’t know if any of this makes any sense Andrew! But over time I’d find ways to come to terms with it. You will too. Dig in. Hunker down with it. When it speaks, say, “ oh, hi. There you are. Come on in and sit down a while.”
I guess what I’m trying to say is I learned to find ways to accept and not fight. What we resist persists. That’s not just a political statement as much as a fact of life really. To those that have had a teenager, it is a fact of life, haha! And if you have never had one, you at least have been one! Well, I honestly believe that piece of us is terminally stuck in that teenager phase as that’s when most of us started. I think I wrote something about that earlier in my quit. Coming to terms with my angsty teen inside.
Anyway, more rambles.
Hang in there Andrew. Stay in the moment.
Thanks for taking the time to respond to my post. Much of what you are saying is in line with my attitude, efforts and acceptance of the smoking. Yea, the addiction is what it is all about. Be it any other addictive substance, we give up our freedom for why? I don't think we can give it a reason, it's just simple insanity.
Looking back I often wonder why I did not stay smoke free for as many attempts I tried. The rational me was ready to make a change but the irrational self took over and dominated any efforts I was making.
Over the years I have overcome other addictions such as alcohol and drugs but nothing compares to my nicotine. As I sit here writing this post drinking strong coffee and pounding down several cigerettes an hour, getting ready to quit tommorow.
I can't say that I am any more prepared than previous quits. As Allen Carr says willpower doesn't work. The last 60 day abstence I was confident that it was my time. i'm afraid, though, that I was using willpower. So what is the secret?
Addiction is my lifetime enemy no matter how it manifests itself. I can accept this but need to build a strong defense to deal with the long term. This mindset will always be there but know that I will get stronger over time. One day at a time.
I big part for me is self love. Do I allow this to dominate the rest of my life? Do I value myself enough to make and stick to my commitment? I love my life today and fear anything that may get in the way.
Again Loreficent, thank you for responding to my post. I feel that your care and your compassion for all of us is wonderful.
My pleasure Andrew!
We are all in this together. When you think about the bond we all have here, it is empowering to know there are folks who just get it. That was another huge thing for me, and still is. So hard to feel accepted and understood by those who have never smoked, even with all of their good intentions. There is always that small voice in the head thinking “yeah, you don’t really understand “. But here there is camaraderie, and perhaps most importantly, no judgement.
It’s an added level of difficulty living with a smoker as you do. That’s certainly a point the addict voice inside would really take as fuel, right? And when you think about it, their addict voice uses your quit as fuel also. I’m sure that there are many parts of your partner that want you to be successful in your quit! Their inner addict though? Well you are the biggest and closest threat to that. In some ways it would be wonderful for you to quit together. That adds a whole other layer of issues though too, as we’ve seen from others on here. Bottom line is, this is YOUR journey! Claim it. Own it. Dig into it. Be empowered by the challenge. Make it a journey. This slip is not the end. It’s not the start of a new journey either. It is what it is. Don’t overthink it and don’t dwell. Just get going again. There is no “right” or “perfect” day to stop smoking. That thought is the addict’s strongest weapon! And if I’m being honest, there are moments when it is still the strongest weapon my addict voice has. Three days ago we were on like the 10th day of grey and a lot of rain. Small thing really. But boy, the last few days I heard my addict talking. Still. That little voice trying to rationalize how there isn’t anything to do so I may as well have just one. All kinds of stuff. Really. Really? Yup. Two years in. Why? Because I’m an addict. Plain and simple. Always will be. Fortunately I was able to get my mind to tune into all the other pieces that I am and keep the addict voice in perspective. Will I always? I want to. So today I will.
I think I got off track a bit….There is a Credence song called “Someday Never Comes”. Wow. Simple song, and of course the fact that it is Credence and who can sing like Fogerty? But that simple line “someday never comes”. I agree 100%. Willpower won’t win. It’s good to dig in and start, but you gotta have some other tools at the ready to take over. Someday never will come. We will always be addicts. Always. I can’t tell you how many heroin addicts I’ve seen that will tell you that stopping heroin was nothing compared to stopping cigarettes. You mentioned a drug addiction and how addiction is your lifetime enemy. It’s a tough card to hold in your hand. You seem to have had a way to play that card in the past though! So you still do. Maybe this is the last and final battle with the destructive addictive substance. But as we all know, the addict will still be there in us. That, in itself, is a key. Keep learning about it. Keep talking to it. Keep accepting it. Find a way to make friends. It’s been your enemy for a long time. Make peace and be friends. Someday never comes.
Thank you for your kind words. They made my day! Please keep on keeping on. You are worth it. Now that whole self love thing, well, that’s another thing I could ramble on about! Next time. It does deserve some thinking and writing about maybe. Maybe that will help.
You are stronger than you know. Don’t ever stop growing! For me it’s never grow up, haha!
I see you started another quit? How are you doing with it this time?
Have you gotten back on your quit? This is really hard but, you need to congratulate yourself for the time you have that was not smoking. Start right back in and quit again!
Having a smoker in your life, especially a spouse, makes this super hard. I know that I struggled not only with the quit but, losing that one on one time with my spouse that chose not to quit. things still are not the same there and that is hard. However, I will hit 9 months next week since I quit so, it can be done. Mostly, I do not go hang out with my spouse where he smokes......and honestly, it is hard at work to go anywhere with my boss who also smokes..........I feel somedays like I am reinventing my life! Some things have to be done though and nothing really out weighs the benefits that come from quitting smoking so it is worth it.
Good luck and always know that if you type with 2 hands, you can't smoke while typing......so vent away on here, yell, call out for help!
I love that! “Reinventing my life”
We are! It’s so exciting too, right? Giving ourselves the chance to do things that most of us have not done in so long. So fabulous. I still haven’t come across anyone here that started as an adult (if that someone is here I’m sorry I missed you), so we are really reinventing our adult lives as non-smokers.
9 months and living with a smoker. Wow! My hat is off to you! I was telling Andrew how people who have never smoked don’t really get it. Well, you have done something I can’t relate to in quitting whilst living with a smoker. I know Anthony has that added challenge as well. My heart goes out to you all that face that challenge of not only trying quit but also watching your loved one continue with such a destructive addiction.
Thank you Loreficent!
You know I never saw it as a problem that my wife smokes, So much time was spent with both of us smoking up a storm, talking and generally enjoying every minute sharing with her. She is my best friend and "therapist". Not to say we will still have those times but I will have to forgo the smoking part. She is respectful of my quit by not smoking in front of me, but she is going to have to hide the ashtrays though. That was my trigger this last relapse. It was really my fault thinking that I could have a few puffs. Wrong! A NOPE moment.
Got a new quit date. Next Monday, April 1st. A good time to start a new month. I will have my last cig Sunday night and ceremonially grind any remaining in the disposal before I go to bed. No waking up at 2-3am and huffing a cigarette or 2 before going back to sleep. That has been my pattern for years.
I had a breathing test yesterday at the doctor's. The therapist would not give me the results but asked me, in the past, was I a heavy smoker? I raised my hand and said NOW. I knew what he was saying. Consequences are upon me as if I didn't know.
Yea, it's time to really quit.
Four days and my jig is up.