I started a reply to you and somehow I lost my screen and the message was lost. Bummer, I had a lot to say. I'll try to replicate it as best i can. 

I am going on 11 weeks tomorrow. The most I have done all year. This time around I feel very powerful and know that this is finally my time. Been on this site for 3 years and never before have I felt this strong. Something has happened to me lately.  I can't explain it, but I am experiencing some kind of spiritual awareness like never before. It feels good!

The positive energy that I have is rubbing off on everybody I come in contact with. People have remarked "what has changed in you, Andrew?" I can't explain it, but I can say is that I now believe I can do anything that I put my mind to. I'm even thinking of doing some public speaking to spread my newfound energy and enthusiasm. We'll see. 

Sure, I think about smoking. Having a cigarette is not really an option today. I have suffered long enough, and I am unwilling to take the chance of being "re-infected."

My mantra is "I just don't smoke anymore". Simple but it works for me.  

Hope this message finds you well and we'll keep in touch, for sure.

Dancing with this miracle called life.

Andrew 

Hi Andrew,

Reading your message made me smile so big and feel so good I had to go three rooms over and retrieve my laptop so I could reply to your message.  That is exactly how I felt with my last quit.  I had tried so many times before that and the last one was just so different...I can't explain it either.  I want to try and help others to find that same "place" where no matter what, they will push through it and forever give it up.  I guess people just have to find it for themselves.

11 weeks is amazing and sure, I guess we will always maybe think about smoking because it is ingrained in us.  But to act on it is quite a different thing.  There was a time that I could never picture myself without a cigarette and now, I could never picture myself with a cigarette in my hand.  It is such a mindset change (and lifestyle change).  Takes a long time to get there and is definitely a journey, but it is so worth it.  I just want to tell people, there will be a time that you will just not even think about smoking.  Even with my husband smoking, sometimes right next to me, I feel ZERO urge to do it.  It's just not part of my life anymore and I am so grateful I was able to get to this point.  This forum was my "live or die" for my first year and I checked in with Denim, Brian, Molly, Marilyn and the mods probably 100 times a day.  

Keep doing whatever your doing because it sounds like it is empowering you to beat this addiction.  You are doing great and I will be here to support you along with all your other many quit buddies.

My, we are up mighty late tonight. I was hoping to find someone to talk to. These days I have trouble getting to bed by a reasonable hour. Sometimes I am so wired that I never make it to bed.  

To relax, I went to the pool tonight which is open till 11pm. It has a killer hot tub and I soaked for 20 minutes then did some gentle water walking for another 15. Been on my computer reading current events and listening to Utube jazz and rock & roll. Music is my savior and I listen to it no less than 6 hrs a day. 

I am looking forward to completing my kitchen project tomorrow. Put some tile backsplash up and I am epoxying the countertops with a clear coat. I love working with my hands; a frustrated artist and musician in my past life. Current life retired and looking for another challenge. 

Great to hear back from you. Hope you have a wonderful night and a better day tomorrow. 

Andrew

Yes unfortunately I am up late tonight and have to be up in the morning for work.

I just refinished my countertops 4th of July weekend.  They turned out "okay"...better than the 70s gold they were.  Didn't use epoxy though.  It was some kit from Lowes by Daich.  What a mess for a weekend and took me 4 days to complete.  Well good luck to you..I'm sure they'll turn out amazing.  Maybe post some before/after pics?  Would love to see.  I've  been thinking about doing my bathtub/shower with epoxy but one project a summer in the house is enough for me right now.  The yard/flowers/garden keep me busy enough...we have 15 acres.

Well, good night and hope you have a great day tomorrow and awesome smoke-free weekend!

I wouldn't try Chantix, it scares me.

I suffer from anxiety and take meds for it.  I was given a new med to try a few years ago, and have an averse reaction to it.  So I am reluctant to try new meds, unless I do a lot of research first and think a med is worth a try.

Chantix has been associated with suicidality, and I don't want to take that risk. 

Hi Gayle,

I understand your feelings on Chantix. I was running through options in my mind that might ease some of the distress your having. I recall in one of your posts you had said your doc wouldn’t give you something for anxiety. I’m glad to hear you are on something now. 
Did you have a chance yet to check out that E-book? I hope you do. 
Also I can’t recall if you will or will not have internet access while you are hospitalized. That would surely help if you do. 
I read your other post about loving smoking, and Andrew’s reply. That is something that I think all of us here thought to some extent. Somewhere on the Forum there is a “Dear John” letter that I read early on that made me think about that love affair a bit. I will cc Denim and Susan as they may be able to locate it. I’ll also look through my bookmarks as I think I saved it. I have a lot of bookmarks on here to go through!

What Andrew wrote about this being a lifeline cannot be emphasized enough! It is such a wonderful community. It is true that someone who never smoked truly cannot relate to the attraction, the addiction, or the struggle of quitting. You are in good company for sure here as we all have been or are going through it. 
It is a one day at a time journey. I think you are most worried about the necessary 48 hours for your surgery, is that correct? Will you share with us the actual date of the surgery? If you do, I assure you, you will have so many of us there in Spirit. That will help a smidge if you know we are sending you a ton of energy. It won’t be everything, but it certainly won’t hurt to have a ton of good energy out there for you! 
Don’t future trip. That is my best advice. When you feel really overwhelmed, stop everything, close your eyes for a minute and feel exactly where you are in just that moment in time and stay focused on it. Pull yourself out of the spinning spiraling thoughts of any future. Stay in the moment. It isn’t surgery day yet. It isn’t the day after. You will cross those bridges as they come. Trust me. You will do what needs to be done. When the time is right. Don’t future trip.

Denim and/ Susan, do either of you have the good old “Dear John” letter handy to repost? 

Good morning Andrew!

How’s the dance today? I just had a thought. When we dance with life we don’t need to worry about stepping on any toes!  We are in a good space in our minds and hearts and generally, when that is where one is, we usually do not step on other’s toes. And if we do, it is truly unintentional and easy to forgive ourselves. So, going with the metaphor, it made sense in my mind. But I’m not done with my coffee yet either, lol. 
 

What you wrote about the support here was beautiful. I hope you know how meaningful and inspiring you are in all of this for us too. 
Also, I’m on Pacific time, so 3 hours behind you. I’m generally up until midnight. I have the very bad habit of checking my email before bed, so usually can reply if I get a message notification. Promise me now that you will not smoke until you hear from me. I will promise you that I check every night. Now given that 3 hour difference, you may have to wait a bit, but I will get back to you before I go to bed. Deal? Done. 
 

Today we are supposed to get to 101°. Ugh. Currently I am in a 1920 house that has the attic converted to the apartment we are in. Need I say more? I was out till 12:30am last night walking and when I got back it was still cooler outside. I broke down and bought one of those standing AC units for my bedroom so that helps and I’ve locked my critters in there. Poor creatures everywhere in this abnormal heat. And trees and plants too. Nothing like having the cat box in your bedroom, let me tell you. But they need some relief from the heat. 

Hope your day is going well. Dance on! 
Speaking of…I really want to learn to Tango and to Square Dance! Now there’s an odd combo! 

Lore-

I started my day with a short (1 mile) walk. Listening to Earth, Wind and Fire and disco dancing down the road. I'm sure my neighbors think I am crazy (which I am), but I feel the music up my spine.

I found another Dehphi-buddy last night. Her screen name is Cindi3319 and we had a wonderful conversation about quitting smoking and life in general. She shares similar interests and attitudes that I have. We chatted back and forth until 2am at which time I called it a day. 

I really appreciate your keeping an eye on me. I can fall at any time in this early stage of quitting. Nice to know you are 3 hours behind me, I am up till at least 12am, sometimes later. I do check my email several times all day and love to respond to posts late at night when I am in a writing mood.

I pride myself in the positive energy that I spread around to the world. Be it tis forum, out when I am walking, connecting with old friends on Facebook and of course my loving wife. I have become a purveyor of good energy that God has instilled in me to share with the world.

I will be finishing my kitchen project today. Epoxy clear coat on the counter tops, along with the tile backsplash, the kitchen has taken a new look that will only increase the value of the home if and when we decide to sell.

On to bigger and better things.

You have a wonderful day and as always:

Keep Dancin'

Andrew

How did the kitchen come out?

It will get much less fragile feeling with each day. Quitting will. The rest of life? Likely not. It remains a fragile entity with only one escape that I am not anywhere near ready for. Ahh, so very precious, all of it. 
 

Yes, Cindi is amazing!! I considered her one of the “old timers” when I first quit. This place is incredible really. It was so nice to see her pop on again like many of them often do. Solidarity. Something our culture lacks for sure. It is absolutely tragic that it takes events like 9/11 to unite us. Then how quickly that unity vanishes. So little acceptance and so much need for judgement and control in our culture. I will remain vague on my thoughts in this area and tread lightly as I don’t want it to turn political. I’ve had enough of the LOT of them and would love to see a return to basic humanity for sure. Here, in this space, that exists and for that I am grateful.

Hope your night is lovely! Thank you for your presence Andrew. It is definitely a palpable positive energy!

Hi Cindi!

Im so happy to see you here! Somewhere you wrote and asked how things were in my neck of the woods and now I can’t find that.

Things are good! Life truly is better without smoking. I still note the added time in the day. I think I also still am processing what a veil smoking put over my mind and thoughts and certainly my emotions. These have all been good revelations though. Like relearning some things and coming back to me in many ways. I also realize that there are some things that I never really did learn how to cope with in a healthy way as I started young and the knee jerk response to so many things was to smoke. I remain aware that I am an addict and always vulnerable if I allow myself that “one”. I don’t resent that anymore like earlier in my quit. I embrace it. 
Life is otherwise good too! Sold my house here in Portland in May. New things on the horizon. Im healthy and grateful for that. 
Have been enjoying time on here chatting with folks. Still get in my odd moods when I ramble on about something or other.  Sometimes I think that is still a way of processing not smoking…? 
So good to see you and know you are doing well too! I wIll always be grateful for you “old timers” that were there for me.