Gather round and ye shall hear
the darkest tale that makes one fear.
But first swear upon this hallowed earth
that you'll heed this tale of the one Dark Smurf.
For centuries now, to claim his due
he rises darkly when the moon is new.
The blues of night will hide his trail
tracking him leads to no avail.
What does he crave you ask of me
why does he hunt so savagely?
Prepare yourselves and hold on tight
for you too may lose your balls tonight.
It was sunny on that fateful day
when all the smurfs were out to play.
But one lone smurf was left behind
wretched and twisted and never kind.
Plotting and scheming he remembered their names
seeking vengeance for his absence from their smurfy games.
He pondered and wondered and researched away
till he devised his plan that would ruin their day.
Off to the wood, bag of catnip in hand
sprinkled along the path to where he made his last stand.
He thought he would lead that large furry beast
to the field of the smurfs and a bloody blue feast.
But fore he could make his one final pass
that cat caught right up to him and clawed out his ass.
It slapped him and clawed him and bit him in two
and for the finishing act, bit off his little balls blue.
Then back to the wood, that dark cat withdrew,
his proud head held high, and his belly quite full.
When the other smurfs ran to answer his screams,
they found him a mess beyond their worst dreams.
He was still alive, but barely they say
and he muttered a curse as he slipped away.
By all that's unholy, my rest will not start
untill I've reclaimed every last part.
His last breath spent he passed from this world
his bitterness strong, his hatred unfurled.
The smurfs left him there, too afraid to do more
to touch his cursed remains, lest he even the score.
Late that night, while they slept in their beds,
a screaming most dire awoke their small heads.
A crowd gathered round a hut in dark hues
to witness the reaping of a gruesome curse come true.
There in the middle of his little house stood
the broken body of Jokey, his ass carved out good.
And by him lay Grouchy with no eyes nor ears
and strong brave Hefty, his liver ripped clear.
Then out in the darkness, they heard with a shiver
the most evil laugh that made them all quiver.
For then they had known, turning green as the clover
that the dark one's grizzly work, was too far from over.
For they checked all about among those left alive
their balls still intact, as the sun started to rise.
So heed this fair warning all smurfs that can hear
and keep those balls covered when the new moon draws near.