Hi, it's Athena! We haven't heard from you in quite a while, so I thought you might like to hear what's been going on up here.
Everybody misses you, and can't wait for your next visit. Hermes really does feel bad about his prank last time, and says to tell you that he promises that he will not transform you into anything with more than 4 legs or an exoskeleton ever again. I'm sure he means it, at least at the moment. You know how he can get.
Things were a little crazy last month, what with Saturnalia and all. It was a nice holiday, but everybody seems to agree that it wasn't as good as the old days.
Apollo is on the Atkins. I really don't know what his deal is. Sometimes I think he listens to his mob of boy-toys too much. (Speaking of which, how is that nice friend of yours, Ralph?)
Hephaesteus is a total *bitch* after his physical therapy sessions with Ascelpius. The other day he tried to challenge Ares to a fight. Luckily, we were able to sedate him before things got out of hand (Ares, I mean, not Hephaesteus). Hephaesteus also insulted Heracles, but it will be another millenium or two before *that* dolt figures out what was said.
Speaking of which, I have bad news for you. It seems our "beloved" brother Ares has been bloody-elbows deep in mortal merchantilism. One of the Nereids overheard him in communication with some guy named Gates and another named Murdoch. This does not bode well for your realm.
Zeus has been hanging out in chatrooms since his latest separation from Hera, who has been trying to get a job with "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy".
Amphitrite made Poseidon promise to stop partying so much. But right after the holiday, she went to see her mother, and, if you have been paying attention to the mortal news, you are aware he "slipped the leash" again.
Hades finally got medication for his depression, but now Persephone is complaining that he has "lost interest".
Iris has *not* gotten medication for her bipolar disorder, and you know what *that* can be like. I feel sorry for the people in the Pacific Northwest.
Nox stopped by for a visit. We had a lovely chat. I really wish she spent more time around here, but I really can't blame her. If it isn't the testosterone, it's the estrogen.
Demeter has been sleeping a lot lately... we're concerned she may have Seasonal Affective Disorder.
The rumor mill is all abuzz regarding Ganymede and Dionysius. Who knows how that will turn out? Of course, now Hermaphrodite is all bent out of shape, but then again, when isn't she/he?
There are also rumors about Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos taking a hand in the current debate over same-sex marriages (you mortals can be so strange in your prejudices), and perhaps a resurgence of polyamorous marriages... We are trying hard not to draw any conclusions.
Janus installed a revolving door, but he still doesn't know if he's coming or going. Then again, neither does anybody else.
Zephyrus still can't get over Hyacinthus. It's getting annoying. Orpheus is considering doing a grief and loss intervention, but I'm afraid he'll just turn it into another musical.
Hecate is feeling a bit paranoid. She's convinced that everyone is blaming her for the Concorde and the shuttle.
Faunus and Flora aren't speaking to each other. It seems one of his antelope ate her new genetically-modified grasses. The antelope is missing, but I'm sure Artemis had nothing to do with it.
Nobody knows what Eris is up to, but then again, it's probably better that way.
Somebody slipped Bacchus an antibuse. You really don't want to know more on that one. Hestia cleaned up the mess, but we've been hearing about her "selfless devotion" ever since.
On a happy note, Eros and Psyche are still in love as ever...
Oh, Aphrodite tried to bribe the Muses to get a mortal to revive Sappho's poetry. I guess she wasn't very diplomatic about the bribe, the Muses got some guy named Ashcroft to do it.
Priapus sends his love. (Yeah, right, "love")
If you can't come to visit soon, can I please come visit you? PLEASE!
PS. I finally forgave Arachne. Yeah, I know I should have done it a long time ago. Besides, I needed somebody intelligent to talk to.