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Valley of the Sun Quilters   Off-Topic Chat

Started 8/20/15 by KS Carolyn (KSCarolyn); 2720883 views.
Pirate (PIRATE_SR)

From: Pirate (PIRATE_SR)


a small rant.  I was informed what "current norms" are for etiquette.  I strongly disagree with the "current norms", as is my right to have my opinion.

Scenario 1: Mr. Pirate has a first cousin.  The first cousin's granddaughter got married last year.  She is a very nice person and (I think) we get along with her (and the rest of her family, for sure).  We looked at their bridal registry, picked out a gift, and had it delivered to them.    We got a notification that the item was delivered.  We haven't heard A PEEP from the bridal couple.  For all I know, the package was stolen from their front porch.  

No, I haven't inquired if they received it.   I believe that if someone is nice enough to give you a gift, the bare minimum you can do is verbally thank them.  For a wedding gift, a written thank you (even a generic "Thank you for your gift.  It was very generous of you.") is *required*.  It lets *me* know that you got the gift and are acknowledging that you received it.

I was told that this generation thinks that written thank you cards aren't necessary at all.   Oh really?   Well, "that generation" can do what they want with their contemporaries but for older generations ... i.e. *ME* .... they doggone better write a thank you note.   WE expect it.  I'm not cutting them any slack on this one.  No thank you card means that they will never, ever get another gift from us in the future .... for anything.

Scenario 2: a different cousin's granddaughter recently graduated from high school this past May.  Kudos to her for sticking out all these covid restrictions and requirements.  We were invited to the small graduation party and we went.  I made a card and had a pocket inside for money.  It wasn't an overly extravagant amount but neither was it $20, ya know?  There was a box at the party for cards to be dropped into, so they wouldn't get lost ... and I did so.

Again.  **not a peep** from either the graduate or the parents (who we are on very good terms with) about the monetary gift.  I can see not acknowledging simply a congratulations card but our card contained a nice chunk of change.   I *am* expecting a thank you card for that.   (Actually, I think at the very least the graduate should write thank you cards to everyone who attended the party, as it wasn't that many people.)

This will be another case of no thank you card means this graduate will NEVER get another gift from us again.

Honestly, i am quite put out by this.  I don't care if "current norms" preclude a thank you card.  Common courtesy says that you acknowledge a kindess done on your behalf.  Common courtesy says that you acknowledge a physical gift given to you.   Go ahead and behave like barbarians to your contemporaries but for the older generation, you better dust off those etiquette lessons and put them to use.



From: latterberry


You are totally justified in your rant.  I feel exactly the same. I prefer a written thank you but would be happy with a phone call.

viola (sissly4)

From: viola (sissly4)


Shelley I agreed with you.This is the times we are living in. But it hurt.There is nothing you can do about it. I found out yesterday that Jo ANN Fabric Store will not bag your stuff you buy.You either bring your own bags or buy it. I said why is there not a note hanging at the door to tell me.I could have gone to my car bring in some bags. And some of the cell phone store's will not down load your stuff on to the new phone that you bought.You have to do it your self.They say they don't have time.




I agree Pirate. My niece got married last year and I gave her a card with cash, have never received a thank you card or verbal thank you.  I don't know where the "current norms" came from, but I would think it is just common courtesy to thank someone for a gift. Rant justified!!

I gave up on receiving any written thank yous.  I would be satisfied with a verbal thank you or even a texted thank you.  My sister's grandson graduated from high school two years ago and I gave him a card with money and received a beautiful letter back from him, even though we live within 10 miles of each other.  His mother raised him right.



From: judyinohio


KSCarolyn said:

His mother raised him right.

That is the crux of the matter.

So many parents are so busy these days that they cannot act like parents and sit down and teach the old-fashioned stuff like common courtesy, manners and respect for elders, etc.

When a kid does not send a thank you note, I blame the kid's parents for not teaching that social skill.

Little Beauregard might be a whiz at playing soccer (or Miss Tiffany might be a marvelous cheerleader) but the kid will be a social jerk when it comes to functioning as a 35 year old adult in the real world some day.


From: MelRN


So, I think it's still necessary to send a little hand written note. I'm told wedding gifts are 1 year, tho. SMH. People are less than grateful. I got $20, $5, etc for my wedding, and still sent out llittle notes.


From: MelRN


latterberry said...

but would be happy with a phone call.

Heck, even an email shows acknowlegement.


From: latterberry


judyinohio said:

That is the crux of the matter

Not always so.  My kids were raised that they could not spend or play with a new gift until the thank you was written.  Son #1 had their wedding thank you cards done within a couple of days. Son #2 took over 6 months with some "encouraging" fro mom.