The police understandably don't want you to know many things, from interrogation techniques to their home addresses.
The average LEO, however, does want the public to be more aware of some other bits of wisdom. Many are common sense, most should be obvious, a few are "Officer" Murphy's Laws and a lot are hilarious!
What cops would like the public to know…
- Hazard lights are like a giant flashing sign saying "parked illegally."
- You're right I should be out catching real criminals, but instead I have to spend my time giving you a ticket because you can't read the big sign with the speed limit on it.
- Motor-cops know oil on the roadway is slick. Anti freeze is slicker. Both are nearly invisible at night, and will be strategically placed at the exact apex of a turn.
- After you've been arrested (for any offense) we do not care whether or not you're "a good person" or not. We have a job to do and that job doesn't have anything to do with how good of a person you are. We arrest people deemed to have violated the law.
- If your city has a crime problem, you can thank the courts and your district attorneys. Don't blame the police. They catch, the courts release. And that's apparently stuck on repeat in many cities.
- No, I can't shoot the stray dog/raccoon/possum that keeps getting in your trash.
- No, we will not give you a ride home. That's not what we're here for. You got yourself here, you can get yourself back.
- Its your trip / destination, not ours. Take a minute to find out how to get there instead of getting mad at us for not knowing how to get to an obscure address in another city/county.
- I'll gladly help you get back to the interstate, or at least get you pointed in the direction of your destination. This assumes I know how to get there myself. Don't get mad at me for not knowing where your friend lives, she's your *%@$ friend.
- And just because her ex-husband was a cop doesn't mean we know each other.
- Please don't stop and talk to me about anything less than a life-threatening situation if I am officially "interacting" with another citizen. I've had people stop in a traffic lane on the Interstate to ask directions while I was preparing to write a summons. (Surprise, guess who ended up getting the summons?)
- If I'm in the middle of the road, have blue lights flashing, a car is stopped in front of me, I have my hand on a gun and there is a semi-unbalanced individual screaming out of the window of the stopped car; please don't walk up with a sanctimonious voice and tell me I'm blocking traffic.
- If you called me because someone committed a criminal act against you, you had better be willing to press charges.
- If someone is willing to steal your stuff, they're willing to break your car window to do so. Stop leaving your valuables in plain sight when you leave the car.
- No, the security cameras on the building three blocks away don't have footage of the kids that egged your house.
- No, I can't sit here all night to see if the guy that stole your kid's bicycle from the front yard comes back.
- "I don't want to bother you while you're eating, but…"
"Well you are bothering me, so you might as well continue. "
- No matter how many action movies you watch, you can't tell what kind of gun was fired by the sound of the shots. If you tell me you heard two shots from a Glock I'm not going to think you know a lot about guns, I'm going to think you're an idiot.
- You had your warning when you learned the traffic laws in order to obtain a DL…this is your ticket for not taking that warning seriously.
- Do not use me as a tool to scare your kids over trivial stuff. "If you don't eat your veggies, I am going to get that policeman over there to take you to jail…"
- On a related note, from the "Things I Wish I Could Say dept...
- "No little buddy, I will not take you to jail for not eating your vegetables, I don't put little kids in jail. I put grown ups in jail. How about we put mommy in jail and you and I go to Six Flags?"
- CSI and Law & Order are not real, and they are called "dramas" and "fiction" for a reason.
- When you see an officer clocking speeders don't flash your head lights to warn other drivers that are heading his way. You may be alerting a criminal like Ted Bundy, or Jeffrey Dahlmer. Most criminals are found due to traffic violations.
- Pulling to the right and stopping for emergency vehicles is a vast improvement to locking up the brakes, and stopping in the left lane.
- I don't need to know what happened last week, last month or last year. I need to know why I'm here right now.
- Everyone (who isn't a cop) knows how to do the job better than you do...
- Everybody wants to be the police, but only when it's convenient for them.
- When you take a fighting stance and threaten to kick my teeth in, remember this:
1) this is what I do for a living, and I don't get paid to lose;
2) I have all these pretty toys to help me accomplish #1; and
3) even if you do manage to win, I've got a whole mess of people coming to help me, and they are gonna be pissed at you! Think it through.
- Edited July 18, 2021 9:35 am by EdGlaze