Weekend Step-parent -  Step mom vs. Real mom (241 views) Notify me whenever anyone posts in this discussion.Subscribe
 
From: AMY106971/23/01 10:49 AM 
To: AMY10697  (1 of 16) 
 191.1 
What do you do when your step son's real mom hates you ? and the child knows it and tells you ? I am not trying to take her place ! I am his friend. His father and mother have joint custody of him and His father and I get him on sundays and hear of all these things that happen all week. His mother is very jealous of me and it shows. I am 25 and my step son is 11 we get along great I have a 5 year old of my own that my step son hated at first but everything seems to be fine now except the real mom is a nut case........ What do I do ? How do I react when she calls here yelling besides hanging up on her what can I say ? This is stressful ! any suggestions would be great !
 
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From: PATRICIA2761/24/01 1:43 AM 
To: AMY10697 unread  (2 of 16) 
 191.2 in reply to 191.1 
My sk mom hates me as well...WITH A PASSION I might add! She has said very mean spirited things about me and has called me names to the kids and to my hubby.

I have to say that when she calls and rants and raves I am so sweet to her that MY teeth ache! I also laugh alot...at her.

She is a ridiculously crazed women when she is upset and calls my home that that is all I know what to do...THANK GOD! lol! She has been known to get sooo upset and hang up on me, or I eventually quit listening to her and will hang up on her. Of course she calls back, but you could invest in Caller ID and block her number and that may help as well! :-) that is what we have had to do...also we record our conversations with her, per our local police station...5 years ago.

Good luck!


Patricia

NEVER say anything you cannot repeat, because if you don't ever START nothin', there won't ever BE nothin'

 

 
From: USMCWife74/21/04 12:27 AM 
To: PATRICIA276 unread  (3 of 16) 
 191.3 in reply to 191.2 
Recording your convesations is a good Idea. You can use any thing she says against her if you and your husband ever want to fight for custody. My SD's bm calls me and says things that are very immature(IE..."Oh, he'll leave you in a couple years anyways..." etc...) I tell her that my attorney(not really) has advised me not to speak with her and to not call again or it's harrassment. "And you would hate to have your step-son go through life with his mother in jail..."
: )
 

 
From: Fire (Fire1970)5/1/04 4:25 PM 
To: AMY10697 unread  (4 of 16) 
 191.4 in reply to 191.1 
Hi Amy I have the same problem. The best thing to do is to tell her that if she is going to be abusive to you you will hang up then do it. Thats what I did and they do eventually get the message. Unfortunately she is obviously a very bitter woman and no matter what you do she will never like you. Your SS unfortunately will at times feel in the middle no matter how much you try to make sure he doesnt and you may find that his behaviour towards you will suffer as a result. This happened with my SS so we sat him down, had a good talk with him and things have been really good since. Good luck.
 

 
From: HatedByAll110/12/05 6:49 PM 
To: PATRICIA276 unread  (5 of 16) 
 191.5 in reply to 191.2 
My SO's soon to be x is just like that. She tells everyone we had an affair, she has slapped me, screamed at me in the hospital that she's still his wife, gets mail at my house, threw eggs at my car, talks soooo much crap about me it is unbelieveable. And the only one that pays is my youngest SD. The older SK's have nothing to do with us because mommy told them that if I hadn't been there Daddy would have stayed and anything else that you can think of that would ruin a relationship between a father and his kids. She feels I should just take her abuse cuz I stole her perfect husband from the perfect marriage. She is borderline mentally ill and had been telling him to have an affair for years cuz she didn't want to be intimate with him. She actually told her 13 yr old daughter that it was her fault the marriage ended. She has done soooo much to me, to us, to the kids it is so frustrating!!! One reason she said he left is cuz he gained weight. How does that even make sense? I mean if he gained weight and felt bad about himself, wouldn't he stay rather than date someone 12 years younger??? I am the home-wrecking whore girlfriend in her eyes, his older kids eyes and anyone else she can get to listen to her. Any advice??? Thanks.
 

 
From: Useful8210/21/05 8:54 AM 
To: AMY10697 unread  (6 of 16) 
 191.6 in reply to 191.1 

I know just what you are dealing with. My step-daughter comes home and tells me the same things.

I just ignore it. I tell the child that I am sorry she had to hear it and then I reinforce our love for her. I usually change the subject afterwards. The more we make it a "big deal", the more the child will ponder on it.

Lets not mention, why is bio-mom doing this? Probably to get under your skin and cause problems. I know it is hard, but don't let it work. Write excatly what happened in your calendar and then move on.

About the phone calls: First get a recorder. Next time you go to court, the tapes will be very useful. Second, don't answer the phone. When she calls, let the Dad or the child answer the phone. I know it is hard to "remove" yourself from having contact with her. But, remember, she wants you to get frustrated. Frustrated enough that you will leave your husband. You know the old saying, "I don't want him, but you can't have him!"

 

 
From: Gipsy6 DelphiPlus Member Icon10/25/05 9:21 AM 
To: Useful82  (7 of 16) 
 191.7 in reply to 191.6 

Has anyone actually used tapes of phone conversations in court? I ask because my friend in California has been told by her lawyer that under no circumstances is she to tape record phone conversations without the knowledge of the other person. To do so is not only illegal but carries a prison sentance.

But if the other person knows you're recording the conversation, then there's no real point in recording the conversation...exept that perhaps it makes the other person shut up and not be abusive.

 

 
From: Useful8210/25/05 10:02 AM 
To: Gipsy6 DelphiPlus Member Icon  (8 of 16) 
 191.8 in reply to 191.7 
The law may be different in each state. We can tape phone conversations as long as ONE of the persons being recorded knows it is in fact being taped. You cannot tape a conversation between two people and it be admissible in court if neither of the persons knew they were being recorded. But, if you or your husband were one of the persons on the phone, it should be allowed. You might want to check with a lawyer and see what the law is where you live.
 

 
From: TanyaCLARKE2/1/06 6:41 AM 
To: AMY10697 unread  (9 of 16) 
 191.9 in reply to 191.1 

Well my suggestion is that the three of you get together in a public place to discuss the child.  You all need to come to a agreement that the child comes first.  When it concerns their child, he needs to be put first and you cannot bad mouth each other especially when the kid is around - that is just WRONG.  The point of getting together would be to come to a mutual understanding of exactly where you fit into the picture and what it is you propose your role to be in your hubby childs life.  Make her understand very calmly and collectivly that he is not your child and you dont in any want to replace her but you have to look at the long term damage tht you will be causing to the child - by making him hear bad things about you and his dad and visa versa.  It will definately show that you are serious and care by showing interest in trying to sort out the problem.

I understand how trying it is but that seemed to work in my case.  Try it what have you got to loose

 

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