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From: mrshaase4/21/09 12:52 AM 
To: All  (1 of 3) 
 564.1 

Hello dear Friends!

It has been a few years since I logged on infact I haven't checked that email in so long my old messages were gone but the accout was still there. :)

Many of you don't remember me so let me sum up

2002 DH and I attempted to gain custody of his children (DSD and DSS) and at the time we had a lawyer that was very young and very green and she was excited about our case but didn't know that we really had nothing to convince a judge to change physical custody.

We were dilligent with our visitation times and insisted on getting as much time with the 2 children as possible despite the 200 mile difference. 90-100 days a year was all the non physical custodial parent is allowed in our state.

Fall 2007 Bio Mom emails DH and say "I want to take the kids out of school and home school them."  Due to unsanitary conditions and previous rumors of physical and verbal abuse DH told her "I have joint legal custody with you and I do not want them home schooled in your house by you." Bio Mom was LIVID. We were suprised when she dropped the issue that winter and spring.  DH did threaten to go to court if she took them out of public school or did not put them in a traditional type school. She was welcome to put them in private school but she didn't want that. It would put a big dent in the child support.

DH contacts the school every year to let them know he exhists and to make sure they send him school papers and parent teacher conferences ect. 4 days after the first day of school DSS's school calls DH and says " Your son has not attened the first 4 days of school and is considered truent. We have tried to contact his mother and the phone is disconnected." We called DSD's school and she wasn't even enrolled. She had pulled them out of their 4th school in 5 years to home school them against the wishes of their father.

That got the ball rolling. We knew that in Fall of 2007 we needed to prepare for the worst. We found a lawyer and preped him. He made us his client and said when it happens to call him and he will see about filing the papers. We were half way prepared.

While gathering informaion from schools on a whim I Googled the Bio Mom's name. what I found was shocking. It was a BLOG post by the ex boyfriend of the Bio Mom's FEMALE LOVER. He talked about how Bio Mom broke them up and was breaking up her marriage too. He talked about the amature adult video they made to appease the guys. I went to the ex girlfriend's myspace page and there were pictures of Bio Mom and my step kids.

On a whim I googled the email address Bio Mom used to communicate with DH. I found BLOG posts, multiple online forums, and all linked to her online store with pictures of her and the kids. Two forums in particular struck a chord. One where she asked how to make her kids want to be home schooled and another where she had over 500+ posts over the previous 5 months.

On a public forum she posted her life. Anyone who had a free membership could access it. She told everyone about her husband's physical violence, her multiple affairs, the multiple attempts to leave or kick out her husband then take him back, the way she was letting the kids school themselves. Everything we needed. On a public online forum.

We went to court a few weeks ago and yesterday we recieved a letter. "Due to the continuing changing in circumstances this court grants the father SOLE physical AND legal custody of children DSS and DSD.

After many years of sleepless night worrying, many hours spent on my knees praying. We have them now. They are sleep in their rooms right now. I am taking on the role of teacher for the next 6 weeks to finish out their school year but then it is back to public school and the kids are excited to go back this fall.

I know many of you were a HUGE support to me when I first started posting in 2001. I am sorry I stopped but I started my own business and things got crazy.

This is not a 100% happy ending. There is still alot of stress centered arround their mother's visitations on Wednesday evenings and every other weekend but we just started this process. After granting DH SOLE physical AND legal custody I have a hard time believing that Bio Mom's irrational wishing and behavior will help her. I am in a new class of Step-parent. I am a custodial step parent. Heaven help me. :)

 
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From: Syn (nfloyd3) DelphiPlus Member Icon4/30/09 4:37 PM 
To: mrshaase unread  (2 of 3) 
 564.2 in reply to 564.1 
That's great that they are out of that situation and into a stable environment.  Fantastic! 

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Cowgirl UpStepfamily SanctuarySyn's Life
 

 
From: Cinnamon (Pizzamama)7/4/09 12:06 PM 
To: mrshaase unread  (3 of 3) 
 564.3 in reply to 564.1 

I am glad your story has somewhat a happy ending and hope things will turn out for the best.

I can tell you my point, DH got sole custody right from the start and BM was 100% and still is unstable, but still, the court has awarded her visitations, and now, the kids are teens and she has had her negative effect so bad that all SK's turn their back on me. Despite the fact that I have been stable and supported them financially.

Even DH continues to believe BM has something good to offer.

Right now, DH is working in their home state, I am home visiting my family for the summer, and BM never pays them any attention, not even on SS birthday - she promised a bday party but on the day, cancelled. It is always this way until I show up, then she shows up crying and boohooing about how she needs her kids, calling DH nonstop.

I need to remind him because he is so happy BM is willing to give them any attention at all, that he forgets how she ignored them right up til I got there.

Just to prove my point, I deliberately stayed away and yep, BM is not showing any interest in her kids ever, unless she needs someone to babysit her drinking buddy's kids.

 

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