First let me tell you a bit of background. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. I have a son, he has a son (14) and daughter(13) and we have a 14 month old daughter. My hubs and I had sole custody of his children because the bio mom was having hard times. So the bio mom cleaned up and is doing well nowand we share custody 50-50. I went from having to be their mom to being told to back off (very difficult).
So my step daughter and have had a pretty good relationship until recently. She always treats my husband like crap and he rarely says anything and it seems like its getting worse. I always hold my toungue because I don't want her to hate me. We talk pretty often about stuff she doesn't want her bio parents to know. I tell her constantly I am here for her. She seems to believe me but when she gets pissed off and her and her dad fight I end up in it. I cannot stand the way she treats my hubs and I can only be silent for so long. When I finally said something to her she turned around and told her dad that I always yell at her (and I don't ask my other kids) and she hates my guts and doesn't want to live here and her life totally sucks. Well, at her mom's she gets to do as she darn well pleases because mom probably feels guilty I'm guessing. So my husband isn't allowed to spank her because she says she will go to court and live with her mom all the time. We don't want that by any means. We make her work in the yard and anything other than spanking. IMO I think kids need a spanking every once in a while if they get really out of hand. I am so stressed out I just don't know what to do. I don't want to come between her and her dad I just want her to be nice that's it. My house is very calm when she is at her mom's, and when she comes back I can feel the stress. I have a 13 year old son and he would never be allowed to tak to myself or my husband like my step daughter does NO WAY!! How can I find a middle ground. How do I do this right? I have a stap dad and I treated him terribly and now we are closer than my and my bio dad.