Blending Into A New Family -  Feeling helpless/ need support (84 views) Notify me whenever anyone posts in this discussion.Subscribe
From: col9510312/1/11 12:32 PM 
To: All  (1 of 1) 

I am at my wits end and don't know how to handle this

0 Posts
2 hours ago

I am besides myself and don't know how to handle my newly blended family. I am hoping to get some words of wisdom. I will try not to drag this post out.

We blended families is June. My children moved from out of state to our new home. Ages are 16, 14, and 12. The oldest two are boys and are doing well. My daughter is doing horribly. We chose to move out of state because my family is here. In addition my fiance daughter lives here also. At first our girls were very excited to go to school together. Before school began my step daughter told my daughter ( BIG TIME TOM BOY) that she would not fit in if she doesn't do something with her hair other than pull it in a pony tail. My daughter went and got a cute hair cut the next day. Well that evening my step daughter told her that she cut her hair to short and that she won't fit in. I told my daughter not to worry about it.

Fast forward, instead of step daughter helping my daughter out with being the new kid in school, step daughter's friends are bullying my daughter terribly. To the point I have her in therapy. My fiance talks with his daughter about the bullying/ as she has become a part of it, but this child has never been truly reprimanded for it.

We are also in the process of planning her batmitva. My fiance and myself are Catholic, her mother is Jewish. My fiance was layed off in October and has yet to find work. He is paying 100% of his child support, but this batmitva has killed us financially. We are two weeks away from the big date and my child support is now paying for the end of it. My problem lies with his exwife called and told him she now has hired a bus to drive the children from the ceremony to the reception a whole 2.5 miles. We need to give 250.00 towards this bus and he agreed. Well I hit the roof!!! Two of my children's birthday's are days before the batmitva and I had saved 250.00 for their bday gifts/ parties. This money is now gone due to this stupid bus!!!!

Since Oct. we have really cut back because his half of his unemployment is to pay child support. I know we are a team and I had no problem doing more than my fair share to help with our household expenses, yet my kids have been told no over and over again when it comes to extras. That goes even with my kids playing sports. My oldest son is gifted as was able to take 12 college credit courses this spring. However, we had to pay 700.00 towards this. It would have been wonderful for him and a great help his first year of college..However, the finances are not there to make the payment in Dec. so we had to tell him no. As much as this tore me apart, We just had to cut back.

However, his daughter is never told no. This batmitva has become a circus and has financilly bankrupt us. When I speak to my fiance about it he tells me that we just don't understand how big of a deal this is in the Jewish faith. I understand it is indeed a big deal, but why throw a small wedding when the finances are not there???? It's simple economics!

As of Sunday after I found out about this bus I can't even look at him or his daughter. I am LIVID over the fact that MY children are going to have to do without once again while his daughter gets a big Batmitva.

I love this man with everything in me. He is kind to a fault. I think this is where the issue lies. If someone was broken down six hours away and called him for a ride home, he would be there. I think his kindness is being used against him with this batmitva. He only invited 20 family members to the event to keep cost down, but his ex invited 112 people and his daughter has 26 friends coming...The spending is out of control. He gets told how much his half is and pulls it from his pocket. However, his pockets are empty right now.

I want to speak to him, but am so angry that I need the words to help me talk to him. Because right now my words are not so very nice going through my head! LOL!

Any advice would help greatly.

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