Coalition of the Confused

Hosted by Jenifer (Zarknorph)

Confused malcontents swilling Chardonnay while awaiting the Zombie Apocalypse.

  • 846
    MEMBERS
  • 48831
    MESSAGES
  • 17
    POSTS TODAY

Discussions

Am I allowed to make jokes here?   Fun and Games

Started 5/29/17 by PTG (anotherPTG); 9581 views.
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

6/7/17

For you older citizens!!!

Play with sound (very important!)

In reply toRe: msg 19
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

6/7/17

A thread posted by one of my granddaughters and her friends replies!

My younger sister has started a prank war with me.  At the moment it is:

Leyla: 3; Me: 0

Feel free to leave prank suggestions below because I'm #### losing

  1.  Put icing on a sponge and pretend it's a cake and give it to her
  2.  Put fake tan in her foundation
  3. Laxatives in her food or drink
  4.  Cut a huge chunk of hair off when she sleeps
  5.  Invite her on a blind date with a fake account and don’t turn up.. Booooo...
  6.  How hard-core we looking here
  7.  I'm coming to see you tomorrow so one prank, one tiny jape, and you're toast!
  8.  Talc in her hair dryer
  9.  Rub chilly in her knickers lol
  10. My party-trick is to sellotape a party popper underneath the toilet cover so that it'll explode when they lift it up...I've got grown "men" screaming with terror LOL
AuntieRoo

From: AuntieRoo

6/7/17

Ooh I'm at home here.

~serve up a salad with a snail in it.

~put ants in her bed.

~hide the remote to her tv.

~swop chocolate buttons for dog chocolate     

   buttons.

~hide her favourite outfit & say it's been      

  donated to the charity shop.

~put salt in the shower gel/bubble bath.

~cut carrots into the shape of goldfish,bowl,

.  grab one & eat it in front of her.( saw this on tv

.  once it's scary)

~put mustard in the peanut butter & offer a sandwich.

Well that should keep her going for a little while.

  • Edited June 7, 2017 3:12 pm  by  AuntieRoo
In reply toRe: msg 1
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

6/9/17

AuntieRoo

From: AuntieRoo

6/9/17

I foresee a new direction for worldwide health care in the future.I'm going to invest now in bionic fingers & thumbs.Opthamics might also be a safe bet.The thought of bionic eyes makes me shudder,I can imagine guys queuing up for them just to get X-Ray vision.Don't even think about it !!!!!!

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

6/9/17

All the better for you to play a certain fantasy game more quickly and become a "master" (or is it "mistress": no - perhaps "mattress"?)

SharpEye1

From: SharpEye1

6/9/17

IN THE PRAISE OF WOMEN WHO READ

One morning a husband returns to the cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap .

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, " Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies , (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

" You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.  

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

" Yes, but you have all the equipment.  I'll have to write you up a ticket."

"For reading a book," she replies.

" You're in a Restricted Fishing Area ," he informs her again.

"But officer, I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

" Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.  I'll have to write you up a ticket and you'll have to pay a fine."

" If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden .

"That's true, but you have all the equipment.  For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he immediately departed.

MORAL:

Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Sure God created man before woman.

But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.

In reply toRe: msg 25
SharpEye1

From: SharpEye1

6/9/17

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow
     when you can get the milk for free?"

     Here's an update for you:

     Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
     Why?  Because women realize its not worth buying
     an entire pig,  just to get a  little sausage.

 

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

6/10/17

Do I, as the rare male of the species in this Forum, detect a hint of sexism?

Jenifer (Zarknorph)

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

6/10/17

anotherPTG said:

Do I, as the rare male of the species in this Forum, detect a hint of sexism?

Now don't you worry your pretty little head about it.

Jenifer

TOP