Confused malcontents swilling Chardonnay while awaiting the Zombie Apocalypse.
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One of the most beautiful, stunning countries I've ever visited. Only took in Melbourne, Adelaide and Queensland but it was something else. I really suffered with envy for months after my visit. I wish, now, I'd taken up any opportunity to have lived there when I was younger. Now of course, being a dinosaur, it will be impossible to ever live there.
Having read these stories of your fair land I am a bit concerned about some of its citizens!
Case Number One
"I am a medical student currently doing a stint in toxicology at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, a woman phoned the centre and I took her call. She was very upset because she had caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down but, at the end of the conversation, happened to mention that she'd given her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away!"
That happened in Brisbane.
Case Number Two
Some Boeing employees at Sydney Airport decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s in the hangar for servicing. They successfully extracted the life raft from its stowage and managed to conceal it as they left their workplace to take it home. A few days later, they took the life raft out for a float on the nearest river. But soon after they got onto the water, they noticed a Rescue Helicopter flying towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that had activated automatically when the raft was inflated. The thieves are no longer employed at Boeing.
Case Number Three
A man who wanted to commit a bank robbery walked into a branch of the Bank of Queensland, sat down in the reception area and wrote out a crude message on a deposit slip which read as follows: "Put all ya muny in this beeg." He then stood in line, waiting to hand his note to the teller when it was his turn to be served. But as he stood there in the queue, he began to worry that a man had looked over his shoulder to read his note and thought he might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he quickly left the premises and crossed the street to enter a branch of the NAB Bank.
After waiting in line for a few minutes, it was finally his turn to speak to the teller, who was a woman. He handed his note to her, she read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the Harbour, told him that she couldn't accept his stick-up note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out an NAB deposit slip or go back to the Bank of Queensland. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland!
This also happened in Brisbane!
Case Number Four
A guy walked into a little corner store in Cairns (Queensland) with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the till. After the female cashier put the cash into his bag, the robber spotted a bottle of Scotch on a shelf behind the counter. So he told the assistant to put it in the bag as well. But she refused, saying, "I can't let you have any alcohol because I don't believe you are over 21."
A Western Australian stand-up paddleboarder has opened up on his unique and closer-than-expected encounter with a pod of dolphins off Gracetown.
Millions of ladybirds are massing under a remote radio tower near Mount Burr in South Australia, with the location also attracting visitors keen to see the unusual sight.
Steve Chapple came across the mass and was taken aback by his find.
"I've always been astounded by the numbers out there but this year was just phenomenal," he said.
University of Adelaide professor Andy Austin said just why ladybirds participated in such a mass event was hard to tell.
"Two likely reasons are they are mating aggregations that attract beetles to one spot, essentially to make it easier to find a mate," he said.
"The second possible reason is that it is for protection against predators, particularly birds."
As pestilence goes - it could be worse