Latest of the "Now that's what I call music" CD's issued in the UK

Rodney Dangerfield

• “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”

• “I came from a real tough neighbourhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.”

• “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.”

• “My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.”

• “I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.”

All I see is "image preview".

Can you try again?

Dylan Moran

• “What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can’t even walk straight.”

• “I can’t swim. I can’t drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?”

•  “I don’t do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I’m not expecting it.”

•  “It’s easy to smile when you have a squirrel’s intellect.”

• “I don’t have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.”

•  “I’m a vegetarian, well I’m not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables on a personal level so I’m not too good!”

•  “I’m a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It’s amazing I’m here at all.”

•  “It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you’re actually a doctor working at an incubator.”

•  “You’re supposed to eat the cows. They’re great big lumbering stupid things – they’d be everywhere if we didn’t eat them.”

Frankie Boyle

• “Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!”

• “Don’t you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.”

• “I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think, I’m fucking havin that!'”

• “In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.”

• “When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.”

HAHAHA!