THE NEW ME

I used to think I was just a regular person, but I was born white, which

now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist. 

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist.  

I am heterosexual, which now makes me a homophobe. 

I am mostly non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

I am retired, which makes me useless.

I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the mainstream media

tells me, which must make me a reactionary. 

I am proud of my heritage, which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family, I do not have guns but I appreciate the

police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to

each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I believe in the defense and protection of my country and I

honor those who served in the Armed Forces, which now makes me a right wing-militant.

Please help me come to terms with the new me because I'm just not sure who I am anymore!

Funny that it's all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years! 

As if all of this nonsense wasn’t enough to deal with, now I’m not even sure which toilet to use!