Coalition of the Confused
Hosted by Jenifer (Zarknorph)
Commonwealth refugees swilling chardonnay while awaiting the Zombie Apocalypse.
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Comic Relief The Lounge
Started 7/25/17 by Jenifer (Zarknorph); 148176 views.
From: PTG (anotherPTG)
Oct-31
|
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST
PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2019,18th, 1:43 am. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled
the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message. First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when
I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants.
I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of
what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet.
[That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the
windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. |
...[Message truncated]
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