Coalition of the Confused

Hosted by Jenifer (Zarknorph)

Confused malcontents swilling Chardonnay while awaiting the Zombie Apocalypse.

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Words Of Wisdom   The Lounge

Started 3/6/18 by Jenifer (Zarknorph); 208473 views.
Jenifer (Zarknorph)

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)


Hey Pav!

I've definitely done exercises 2, 3 and 4.

Step 5 is less of a daily exercise and more of a way of life.

Eddie Izzard

  • “If you’ve never seen an elephant ski, you’ve never been on acid.”

  •  “Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. ‘In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal…one horse threw a shoe came in third…the duck was ninth… which is odd, because only five ran.'”

  •  “I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.”

  •  “I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Cause if a woman falls over wearing heels, that’s embarrassing. But if a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself. It’s the end of your life.”

  •  “If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a fuck off block of concrete!”

  • “And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.”

  •  “There’s two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is DEAD!”

  •  “So I’ve learnt that the world is 4500 million years old. If you’re very religious, then it’s not 4500 million years old, it’s 6000 years old. One of these is not correct.”

  •  “Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.”

  •  “I like my women like I like my coffee… covered in beeees!”

Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)


Well that was quite a delivery!

Jenifer (Zarknorph)

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)


Robin Williams

  • “Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.”

  •  “Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”

  •  “If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.”

  •  “Cricket is basically baseball on valium.”

  •  “Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn’t work!”

  • “If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?”

  •  “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

  •  “Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: ‘You’ve just killed a small animal. It’s time for a light beer.’ Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, ‘It’s five o’clock in the morning. You’ve just pissed on a dumpster. It’s Miller time.'”

  •  “I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.”

  •  “I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was… a large Arctic region covered with ice.”

Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)


Latest of the "Now that's what I call music" CD's issued in the UK
Jenifer (Zarknorph)

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)


Rodney Dangerfield

  • “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”

  • “I came from a real tough neighbourhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.”

  • “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.”

  • “My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.”

  • “I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.”

Jenifer (Zarknorph)

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)


All I see is "image preview".

Can you try again?

Jenifer (Zarknorph)

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)


Dylan Moran

  • “What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can’t even walk straight.”

  • “I can’t swim. I can’t drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?”

  •  “I don’t do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I’m not expecting it.”

  •  “It’s easy to smile when you have a squirrel’s intellect.”

  • “I don’t have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.”

  •  “I’m a vegetarian, well I’m not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables on a personal level so I’m not too good!”

  •  “I’m a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It’s amazing I’m here at all.”

  •  “It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you’re actually a doctor working at an incubator.”

  •  “You’re supposed to eat the cows. They’re great big lumbering stupid things – they’d be everywhere if we didn’t eat them.”