Coalition of the Confused

Hosted by Jenifer (Zarknorph)

Confused malcontents swilling Chardonnay while awaiting the Zombie Apocalypse.

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Comic Relief   The Lounge

Started 7/25/17 by Jenifer (Zarknorph); 231479 views.
Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Aug-31

      If a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
    Cows have hooves because they lactose.
    Be careful tonight — one pour decision may lead to another.  
   Procrastinator’s Anonymous meeting is postponed indefinitely.    I call my horse Mayo and sometimes Mayo neighs.
    A bike in town keeps running me over.  It's a vicious cycle.
  The problem with political jokes is that they sometimes get elected.
   Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again.
    If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  Do memory foam mattresses wish they could forget? 
Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Aug-31

Let's have some Paraprosdokians 
(W. Chuchill loved them)
 
 Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
  
 The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on my list.
  
Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  
 If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
  
 We never really grow up.... we only learn how to act in public.
  
 War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
  
 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.   To steal from many is research.
 I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
You do not need a parachute to skydive.   You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first & call whatever you hit the target.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder & harder for me to find one now.
Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Sep-4

Proof Reading
the proof Readers  .............and they got paid for this….
Now for some great proof read headlines
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter  This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading  was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day.    
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says       Really? Ya think? 
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers          Now that's taking things a bit far
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