Our deepest longing is to love and be loved. But oftentimes we don’t know how to bring that precious love toward us. Our challenge is to discover what it takes to create healthy, satisfying connections.
Intimacy is the felt sense of connection with another person. In order to feel close to someone, we need to allow them to see who we are. We need to carry an intention to be seen. But before we can show who we are, we need to know who we are — from moment to moment. We need to pause, look inside, and get connected to how we’re feeling and what we’re wanting.
We can’t expect others to feel drawn toward us, if we’re not willing to take the risk to be vulnerable and reveal the ever-changing textures of our inner world. Yes, some people might be attracted to us based upon the image we project, such as being “successful,” or being interesting in some peculiar way, perhaps by having interesting hobbies, a nice home, or an attractive body. But as you might have already discovered, attractions based upon externals are short-lived at best. Such attractions are destined to curdle into distance and dissatisfaction when people inevitably discover who we really are — the secret fears, hurts, and challenges that we try to conceal. Or we might become rather boring, if we’re not moving toward a rich and alive intimacy based upon a deeper sharing of our innermost life.