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Sobriety/Recovery Journals -  Rae returning  (45660 views) Notify me whenever anyone posts in this discussion.Subscribe
 
From: Maggie (LouieEl)Jun-29 10:53 AM 
To: Brian (BrianB125)  (2126 of 2154) 
 1894.2126 in reply to 1894.2121 

Hey Brian - watch for squirrels.... I find those furry little four-legged beasts are eating my tomatoes. Never would have thought it. I came out to 3 green baby tomatoes half eaten about 10 days ago - a bit of a mystery. Now, one that was ripening nicely has disappeared and I saw one squirrel walking up to my pots and checking the fruit yesterday.

 

 
From: Brian (BrianB125)Jun-29 11:22 AM 
To: Maggie (LouieEl) unread  (2127 of 2154) 
 1894.2127 in reply to 1894.2126 

Yes, I watch squirrels take a bite out of a green tomato and then throw it away.  They never seemed to learn.  Fortunately, in West Virginia, my cat chases the squirrels away.

 

 
From: cooklyJul-9 4:32 PM 
To: Brian (BrianB125)  (2128 of 2154) 
 1894.2128 in reply to 1894.2127 

No  squirrels here either, too many cats. 

We have all survived a horrible, scary week, with temps here in the 40sC range. One day last week I put the  thermometer on the southwest facing front porch and watched it climb to 47C. It was primitive living for five  days as it took all my energy keeping us alive. I'd hose  down the back porch every hour, the windows, walls everything, until it was 30-35C, and then it was bearable inside.I covered all the windows with dark sheets, draped the dogs with cold wet towels, wore a  wet cotton shirt,  soaked my hair in cold water every hour, kept bowls of  ice cubes in front of each fan,( which worked really well) , and waited for it to pass. The province of BC has set new national heat records, and a lot of  people died.Big uproar now about the emergency  services being woefully unprepared, especially ambulance response time . 

It's a damn good thing I'm sober to handle crises when they come, and its frightening to think of how badly I would  have dealt with this most recent one, and what those consequences might  have been. My dog Cooper had a stroke type seizure three weeks ago and damn near died. He recovered inch by inch, tiny bit better each day and now he's fully himself again. So I could not let him get over heated.. Luckily he's the one who submitted gratefully to the wet towel; Lucy the collie had to be forcefully held as I wiped her down with cold cloth; water is her enemy.  So, if not for  sobriety, my dog probably would have died, and I might  have died too. I'd get dehydrated if I was drinking and I would neglect to do all that constant work that got us through. I'm starting to understand 'the Promises' of AA in a profound way that eluded me in the past. In fact that chapter was one in particular that offended and enraged me  back in my AA days. So I find that interesting. 

cherry_blossom Rae

 

 
From: Brian (BrianB125)Jul-9 4:54 PM 
To: cookly  (2129 of 2154) 
 1894.2129 in reply to 1894.2128 

Yes, it's amazing how many dumb things I heard when I was younger don't sound so unreasonable now, it's good to grow wiser as you grow older, some don't.

I've been reading about the heat out west.  I have a cousin in Vancouver, another in Phoenix, Arizona, a niece in Walla Walla, Washington, and a cousin in law in California.  My cousin in Phoenix bought an RV when she retired and she's now heading north hoping to get in to Canada - but she may have to go to Alaska.  I find I have less and less tolerance for heat as I grow older.  I still don't mind the cold much, and you can always sit by a fire, but when it gets above 80 I just can't do much outside.  My cat in West Virginia just lays out in the shade streached out to about twice her normal length.  I go for dips in my pond.

And yes, it's good to be sober when the crisis comes.

About the wet tee shirt, back when I was trout fishing in the summer I always wore a cotton hat that I could dip in the streams on hot days - wonderfully refreshing.

Brian

 

 
From: MaryLouise3Jul-21 4:30 AM 
To: All  (2130 of 2154) 
 1894.2130 in reply to 1894.2129 

Hi everyone

Having problems accessing Delphi and hoping I'm now back in for a few weeks at least. It could be memory problems related to my having to dump cookies each day.

We have had  a lot of unrest out here, vaccinations stopped and I'm hoping they resume this week. Food shortages and highways closed but things seem to be quietening down for now.

Thanking of all of you and hoping I can get back  to read and post back to individuals.

ML in Africa

 

 
From: Brian (BrianB125)Jul-21 6:32 AM 
To: MaryLouise3  (2131 of 2154) 
 1894.2131 in reply to 1894.2130 

Good to have you back, I've been reading about the problems in SA, good you're ok. I'm traveling so this message will be short

 

 
From: MaryLouise3Jul-25 9:46 AM 
To: Brian (BrianB125)  (2132 of 2154) 
 1894.2132 in reply to 1894.2131 

Thanks, Brian, my Internet still spotty but hoping I can read and post more this coming week. Things are quieter now in SA and hoping the vaccine roll-out moves faster.

xML

 

 
From: cooklyAug-11 4:38 PM 
To: All  (2133 of 2154) 
 1894.2133 in reply to 1894.2132 

And the difficult summer continues. We've been on evacuation alert for a week as wildfires rage out of control in every direction. I would panic if I think about this too much..not being able to draw a clean breath of air.. there  is no respite from the smoke and ash. The house is closed up like its January; I dash outside to water my plants,  that fifteen minutes has me covered in..whatever it is.. filthy black smoky debris. The car is packed and I'm ready to leave if/when ordered to. 

Which leads me to wondering why I would relapse for seemingly no reason, but easily stay sober now. It remains a mystery but I'll take it thankfully, as I must keep my shit together to survive and keep my animals safe. It would be a disaster otherwise! 

After a year of no contact from my dtr, I received a note from her asking if we were alright. It surprised me. I wrote a brief note back saying yes, we were still here and still ok. She makes me nervous.  I don't trust her, or perhaps I don't trust myself. Sobriety is the most important thing in my life and I guard it and reject anyone who threatens it.  I fear her power to mess up my determination. Harsh, and very sad, but there it is. 

And if all that wasn't enough, Covid has reared up again.. got my second shot ten days ago.. sore arm still.  

Stay safe, everyone. 

Rae 

 

 
From: Brian (BrianB125)Aug-12 5:28 AM 
To: cookly  (2134 of 2154) 
 1894.2134 in reply to 1894.2133 

Rae,

I've been reading a lot about the fires in California and Oregon, but there is not much reporting her about Canada.  Actually, we hear more about the fires in Siberia than we do in Canada.  I've a relative in California who went through last year what you are going through now - car packed and ready to leave.  She was lucky and didn't have to.

The mystery of drinking - I think once we become alcoholics there is no reason we drink, it's a completely irrational thing.  During a relapse, we may blame it on something that happened to us, but I don't think there is a real reason.  Once we learn to get through those irrational desires it becomes easy to resist actual reasons to drink.

And Covid has come back here too, but not as much as other parts of the US.  The vaccine seems especially effective - only around 2 or 3 percent of the people hospitalized have been vaccinated, that's just about as good as you can get.

Hope the fire misses you.

Brian

 

 
From: cooklyAug-20 9:14 PM 
To: Brian (BrianB125)  (2135 of 2154) 
 1894.2135 in reply to 1894.2134 

Evacuated on Sunday, but home now. Found a quiet spot to camp, just in the car with my dogs.  I'm still pretty shaken by the whole ordeal..The worst for me was darkness in the afternoon; I could not figure out why it was dark ! Bright red sky but dark, and it freaked me out. 

Friends and neighbours have lost their homes, and animals are roaming free and confused..cattle, horses, chickens, llamas, peacocks, turkeys, ducks, rabbits, dogs and cats..all the critters that live in these rural areas. Nothing is normal. I took in two dogs who are with their people again now, but they have no home to return to. I'm lucky, my house is still standing, but the yard is a mess..black smokey debris is everywhere.  I've been busy trying to match dogs with owners and haven't slept much for a week. We have clear skies today but the fire is still near, ( 20 K away) and still out of control. One of the grateful dog dads offered me a shot of whiskey,and I took it without thinking. It was shocking and horrible.. don't know why I did that and vow to stay stronger.. this is no fucking time for a relapse. 

Mask mandates are back in effect for this region; all the long term care homes were evacuated due to the fires as the virus rears it head yet again. Those poor people are put on busses, tested for covid, and shipped to other communities, some of which are also in danger so moving them more than once is also happening. 

I am so very very tired. I've never welcomed autumn before, but this year  I do. It's been a summer like no other. I felt strong and in control being sober, but now I feel helpless and insignificant while knowing sobriety is still my best defense. 

I've been crying some.. from my own trauma but mostly for those in my community who have lost their homes. That is a profound horror IMO. Then I watch the news about Kabul, and cry even more, partly in shame when I compare. Makes me despair even more for our world. 

Anyway, I'm home, I still have a home, and I am sober. Grateful for that. 

Rae 

 

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