"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" I believe it was said many years ago.
It has been an unbelievable three months as most of you know.
I had a first date with a wonderful lady on May 20th followed by two more in the next week and a half.
I was involved in a really bad motorcycle accident on June 1, near St. Louis, Missouri and spent the next several days in the hospital at the St. Louis University Medical Center. I suffered a really bad concussion, several broken ribs and during CT Scans it was discovered I also had previously undetected kidney cancer.
The cancer has been removed........successfully I am told, and after having cancer for 2-3 years and not knowing it, I am now a cancer survivor.
My concussion has lead to a subdural hematoma which is finally beginning to get smaller after a couple of months of growth and the doctor says in 6 months I should be as good as new, or at least as good as I was on May 31.
The relationship with the lady I met on May 20, has progressed steadily over the last almost four months and we spend 2-3 nights a week at one or the other's home and many wonderful weekends together.
She left last weekend for a two week tour of Italy and I have been missing her greatly which leads to the following:
My last really bad craving for alcohol was over a year ago while I was on vacation on my way to Rae's house...........until three days ago.
I have had thoughts of drinking for the last three days; sometimes intense, sometimes not so much. Last night it was so bad I went to a movie to get away from the thoughts going through my brain.
I'm not sure if it is the relief of appearing to be on the healing path in several parts of my body, the sadness of missing my lover of the last few months or a combination of things. I am having the thoughts again today. I live alone, no one would know I drank but me but since I have vowed to be an honorable man, that doesn't seem like the right way to do things.
I have promised my estranged wife, my new lover and myself that whatever lapses I've had in moral judgement over the last couple of years are a thing of the past and I am working toward that end. But now, just when it looks like everything is aligning itself, the drinking thoughts and craving have reared their ugly head with a vengeance. I'm a little puzzled.