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Post your jokes here   Fun and Games

Started 4/20/18 by PTG (anotherPTG); 378133 views.
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

7/11/22

(Courtesy of Ada!)

What philosophy! I Love this Japanese Doctor ~
 
*Q*: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
*A*: Heart only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste time on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart not make you live longer; it's like saying you extend the life of a car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.


*Q*: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
*A*: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that means they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottoms up!


*Q*: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
*A*: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!


*Q*: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
*A*: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad?

*Q*: Is chocolate bad for me?
*A*: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

*Q*: Is swimming good for your figure?
*A*: If swimming good for a figure, explain whale to me.

*Q*: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
*A*: Hey! 'Round' is also a shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you had about food and diets.

And remember:

Finally, the Japanese Doctor summed up: Look mister, Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Beer in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride my life was"!!!!!?
Eat whatever you like because you will still DIE, don't allow motivational speakers deceive you.

1. The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54

2. The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57

3. The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41

4. The best footballer in the world Maradona, died at the age of 60.

BUT

5. KFC inventor died at 94.

6. Inventor of Nutella brand died at 88

7. Imagine, cigarette maker Winston died at age of 102

8. Inventor of opium died at 116 in an earthquake

9. Hennessey inventor dies at 98.

How did these doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?

The rabbit is always jumping up and down but it lives for only 2 years and the turtle doesn't exercise at all, lives 400 years.

So, take some rest, Chill, Stay cool, eat, drink, and enjoy your life. You will still die

These made me laugh today........................

Funny I May Look Calm  Casual Sweatershirt

Womens I Had My Patience Tested I'm Negative Cat Png, Funny Sarcasm Casual Sweatshirts

Women Funny Saying I See What The Problem Is Here I’M Talking In English And You’Re Listening In Dumbass Sweatshirts

Funny Women Sometimes I Stay Inside Because It's Just Too Peopley Out There Crew Neck Casual Letter Sweatshirts

Womens Funny I Am Fine Black Cat Letter Crew Neck Sweatshirts

Women Funny Black Cat To Do List Drink Coffee Crew Neck Simple Sweatshirts

and one I can relate to........................

Short Girl Letter Casual Short Sleeve T-Shirt

TinyFaerie
Staff

From: TinyFaerie

Sep-11

Those are funny. I relate to the last one too. I'm only 4'9". LOL

LvlSlgr

From: LvlSlgr

Sep-14

May be a cartoon of text that says 'Rest Your Mind I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs" "Huggies," and "Pampers', while undergarments for old people are called' Depends" Well here is the low down on the whole thing. When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper' em. When old people crap in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will! Glad I got that straightened out so you can rest your mind.'

I just had an experience after my back surgery where I had to wear the "Depends" for about a week after they took out the catheter. Thank goodness we have those.

I thought when I hit early menopause at age 40 (due to a series of chaotic & stressful events over a period of 4 months) I was finished with all that crap.  Doesn't work when you have to drive a couple hundred Kilometres where loos are few and far between.

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