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Post your jokes here   Fun and Games

Started 4/20/18 by PTG (anotherPTG); 164159 views.
In reply toRe: msg 15
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

4/21/18

A few bon mots. Some may even be funny!

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously. No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

1. Nyquil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room- spinning medicine. 


12. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 


13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 


14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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In reply toRe: msg 15
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

4/21/18

I would like to share an experience with you all, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it from!

Jenifer (Zarknorph)
Host

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

4/21/18

PTG (anotherPTG) said:

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Love it!

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

4/21/18

Let battle commence?

One evening Ron, the old farmer, decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up Ron said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Some old men can still think fast.

Seen on some desks:

Out to Lunch

what I have seen of people in this world, for some it should read:

Permanetly Out To Lunch

Jackie34918

From: Jackie34918

4/21/18

I'm laughing so much I'm going to have to buy a supply of diapers if I keep reading these jokes!

Oh, I love these jokes.

Real life:

My upstairs neighbor keeps using the squeaky floor to make noise and annoy me because of my lack of effort cleaning.

ofcourse, this is none of his business.

Today I got even with words.

I called up there in a loud voice...

Someone upstairs needs to grow up. You must need a babysitter to supervise you and keep you from doing that.

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

4/22/18

I risque joke that may offend (If so I am sorry but you should first read who has posted it and be warned!)

Please don't ban me for being a "mere" male of the species in a hen coop of ladies!

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, and severely banged my head. 

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful, woman, who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “get in and I will take you to my house so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!

"Oh, come now, I am a nurse" she insisted.  "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

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