Funny store signs

LOL

Posted by kiwidownunder in the BFG Forum:

Medic Alert (added link with Amethyst permission) 

The Centre For Disease Control Has Issued A Medical Alert About A Highly Contagious ,Potentially Dangerous Virus That Is Transmitted Orally,By Hand And Even Electronically !! 
This Virus Is Called Weary Overload Recreational Killer { Work}.If You Receive WORK 
From The "Chamberlain'Or The Iron Knight Or Anyone Else Via Means Whatsoever-DO NOT TOUCH IT ...This Viruse Will Wipe Out Your Private Life Completely 
If You Should Come Into Contact With WORK You Should Immediately Leave The Premise's...Take Two Good Friends To The Nearest Grocery Store And Purchase One Or Both Of The Antidotes =Work Isolateing Neutralizer Extract [Wine] And Boothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter [Beer]..Take The Antidote Repeatedly Until WORK Has Been Completely Eliminated From Your System ....Thankyou ,Doctor Gandalf 

Also please be sure and drop in his thread there on BF while you are over there

Share Memories on the Party Down Forum

Just click on it I learned how to do hyperlinks YAY!!!!

I think these stories should be immortalized there before the doors close.

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand… As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later…

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

OMG I cant breath.  I have to send this to my sister.  She has such a cat. We used to both end up bloody and the pill never got swallowed.  He is still alive so apparently pill he should have taken wasnt a life or death thing.

My sister would never trade him for a hamster. She would replace everything. Drink the Beer and  the Whiskey go to the ER  all those steps except get rid of the cat.

But she lives in 350 sq ft apt in NYC and to seek and find that little tiny black rascal was the bigger challenge despite the size of the apartment.

Now I have to go change my bloody bloomers.

This is why the last thing I do at night is visit our sister forum.  You find the funniest things. I go to sleep with a smile an a chuckle. And I know its the highlight of your day to post them.

I know people say they "LOL".  But I genuinely do in this forum on a daily basis.

So ya gotta pay it forward.

Q.  Why can't you use "beef stew" as a computer password?

A.  It's not stroganoff

or just use a pill pocket - LMAO

Ha!  My Baby was like that so I opted for liquid and used a mil marked syringe thingy that came with it so all I had to do was get the tip of it into the side of her mouth and in it goes.  Problem solved.  But, very funny as usual from Jenifer, as intended!