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Post your jokes here   Fun and Games

Started 4/20/18 by PTG (anotherPTG); 127014 views.

I did a variation of that with Whisky and a Christmas Pudding at our Lions Club Christmas Dinner last year.   I was supposed to have a prop bottle of whisky.  Lucky I only took pretend swigs until the final  "What the heck" and took a swig.  They said the expression on my face was priceless because it was real Johnny Walker and I hate whisky.  Just as well we all went on a bus for the night, no way I could have driven down that narrow road home.

katiek2

From: katiek2

10/19/19

Oh boy, I can just see the expression on your face!  Whisky and Christmas Pudding - sounds like a winner to me... although I'm a Southern Comfort fan myself.

  • Edited October 19, 2019 11:46 pm  by  katiek2
Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

10/21/19

Post Office

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. 

 
The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. 

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers.

 
Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.
 
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.
 
All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those thieves at the Post Office !
LvlSlgr

From: LvlSlgr

10/27/19

So cute!

When I was a kid we had a collie and a couple of cats. We lived out in the country and all of the animals were outdoors. The animals mainly stayed in the garage for shelter. Once when we had a litter of kittens we would find them sleeping on the collie ... much like the picture above but curled up in his long hair.

KatieAn56

From: KatieAn56

10/27/19

Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results has obviously never had to reboot a computer.

We’d finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. "I’m afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said. My middle-aged wife put him at ease. "Don’t worry," she said. "They’ll only look once."

An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. On the memo line, she’d written, "Repairs."

  • Edited October 27, 2019 8:00 pm  by  KatieAn56
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